Tag: vulvasations

‘Too Hot To Handle’ season two had just as many blue vulvas as blue balls

Post author By Kayla Webb
Post date July 10, 2021

[Image description: The cast of season two of Netflix's 'Too Hot To Handle'] Via Netflix

Too Hot To Handle season two is a ride! It starts with tricking contestants into participating and somehow manages to escalate into even more debauchery from there. Namely, almost every contestant stuck up their middle finger to Lana and her rules, resulting in the loss of a record-breaking amount of money from the prize fund.

A round of applause for the casting directors, who succeeded in finding the horniest people alive. While this did make season two more jaw-dropping than season one, it also meant we were reminded that some men still think blue balls are the best way to convince women to sleep with them.

If you try to make the jump from the Love Island franchise to Too Hot To Handle or vice versa, fair warning you will get whiplash. While Too Hot To Handle has been called the bootleg Love Island by some, the only similarities between the two shows are that they both lock hot singles in a villa with hopes someone falls in love — or lust.

when they kiss vs. when they kiss
on love island on too hot to
handle pic.twitter.com/zVr27qCqaV

— flamin nora (@katierpacker) July 5, 2021

The premise of Too Hot To Handle is that couples are restricted from any sexual activity in favor of sparking a real, emotional connection. Lana didn’t ask, and yet the season two cast still made a case for what I’ll call the twofer: building an emotional connection while engaging in sexual activity. This made the second season far more entertaining because it meant the cast could care less about winning $100,000 — a fact much more scandalous than the rampant under-the-covers action.

At one point, couple Cam and Emily decide they will try to abide by Lana’s rules after being the biggest rule breakers in the villa. Immediately, Cam complained of having blue balls with hopes that Emily would give him a handjob. Thankfully, Emily declined, providing people everywhere a blueprint on what to do when someone tries to use blue balls as leverage for sex.

Honestly, when Cam first said the words “blue balls” unironically, I thought I had fallen into a wormhole that dropped me into the year 2005. I thought we had evolved away from using blue balls as a way to manipulate people, primarily women, into having sex. And yet, Too Hot To Handle season two featured Cam, in the year 2021, blue-balling it up, much to the chagrin of the season two cast and viewers everywhere.

I did not expect Cam to be this messy at all. Always talking his blue balls like it's some terminal illness or an apocalyptic event. #TooHotToHandle pic.twitter.com/UR2TjbYTvD

— ndụka. (@NdukaEbubeDike) June 23, 2021

Ultimately, Cam decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. But he didn’t have to do that. According to Healthline, blue balls, medically known as epididymal hypertension, are not that serious and can be solved via various nonsexual, nonarousing activities. In the villa, Cam could have pumped some iron, taken a dip in the pool, or even gone for a chat with a friend. Basically, the pain of blue balls can be alleviated by any activity that keeps you busy. This means if you or someone you know is struggling from blue balls, encourage them to treat it like a personal problem they are in charge of solving.

When the cast found out Cam’s blue balls lost the group two thousand dollars, Chase exclaimed in a confessional, “He is so obsessed with his blue balls. All of us have blue balls, Cam!” This is probably true, in more ways than one. The women on this season’s cast were just as horny as the men, which is why I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone was sporting a blue vulva.

The way cam almost won too hot to handle but he was so fucking close to taking a shower w Tabitha THE DAY PRIOR oh my godddddd the misogyny in this show kills me

— caro (@st4nbigtimerush) July 4, 2021

Just like blue balls, blue vulvas, a.k.a. blue uterus and pink pelvis, happen with vasocongestion, which is when bodily tissues swell as a result of increased vascular blood flow and blood pressure. Sexual arousal is one cause of vasocongestion, which can result in the vulva (or balls) taking on a blueish tinge. Again, an orgasm or a nonsexual activity are easy remedies.

My biggest problem with blue balls is not the balls themselves. Historically, men have less of a problem finding release with a partner than women. In addition, women’s sexuality is still taboo, while men are expected to be and accepted as sexual beings. Both of these facts coupled with how blue balls have been used as a manipulation tactic continues to imply men’s sexual release and satisfaction is more important than women’s.

me to cam from too hot to handle pic.twitter.com/k3MKuyknNS

— manchi (@hitormitski) July 4, 2021

Cam from Too Hot To Handle has become the target of my anger not because he had blue balls. Anyone can have blue balls or blue vulva. It’s how he handled his blue balls that enrages me. His actions showed that not once did he think of Emily’s need for release. He only cared about his own blue balls, which speaks volumes of his character as a lover and person.

It goes without saying that any allosexual person, whether they have balls or a vulva, can still have a high libido. Sexuality isn’t confined to just one gender.

One person’s blue balls aren’t more important than another.

Here’s to hoping Lana is already planning a seminar on this very topic for season three of Too Hot To Handle.

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Tags Love, Sex, The Tempest, sexuality, dating, Netflix, The Tempest fellowships, The Tempest Media, write for the tempest, reality tv, reality television, love island, The Tempest Studio, too hot to handle, vulvasations, Kayla Webb, netflix too hot to handle, dating show, netflix dating show, too hot to handle season 2, too hot to handle season 2 cast, season two too hot to handle, too hot to handle season two, too hot to handle cast, too hot to handle season 1, too hot to handle season 2 reunion, too hot to handle season 1 cast, too hot to handle reunion, too hot to handle season 2 where are they now, too hot to handle application, too hot to handle after show, too hot to handle and the circle, is there a too hot to handle season 2, too hot to handle netflix, too hot to handle netflix cast, too hot to handle trailer, too hot to handle couples still together, too hot to handle francesca instagram, too hot to handle budget, too hot to handle boat man, too hot to handle best episode, too hot to handle cast season 2 chase, too hot to handle cam, too hot to handle emily, too hot to handle cam instagram, too hot to handle island, too hot to handle instagram, too hot to handle how much did they win, too hot to handle how long is the retreat, too hot to handle host voice, too hot to handle game rules, too hot to handle green light, too hot to handle grand prize, too hot to handle full episodes, too hot to handle filming location, how did they cast too hot to handle, too hot to handle cast season 3, are too hot to handle cast still together, are too hot to handle cast actors, what couples are still together on too hot to handle, did too hot to handle get cancelled, did too hot to handle copy love island, did too hot to handle really not know, was too hot to handle scripted, when did too hot to handle film, are cam and emily still together, are melinda and marvin still together, are peter and melinda together, too hot to handle melinda, too hot to handle marvin, too hot to handle peter, do too hot to handle cast get paid, where does too hot to handle take place, how does too hot to handle work, when does too hot to handle season 2 come out, how does too hot to handle prize work, is too hot to handle good, what is the point of too hot to handle, too hot to handle rhonda, is too hot to handle a reality show, who from too hot to handle are still together, which too hot to handle stars are still together

Sexuality Health The Vulvasation

Dear misogynist TikTokers, stop giving me vagina advice

Post author By Kayla Webb
Post date April 20, 2021

[Image description: A person stands in white underwear with painted nails.] Via Unsplash

Vulvasations is a Tempest Love and Health exclusive series dedicated to spreading awareness about the female reproductive system, debunking myths about periods and dissecting everything vajayjay related. Let’s talk about vaginas!

TikTok is a lawless place. For the most part, I love this about the platform because it has helped so many people who are not often included in mainstream media share their voices, experiences, and stories to millions of people. But because TikTok has infamously lacked the rules and regulations of many other social media platforms, just about anyone can amass thousands upon thousands of views and likes for things that probably shouldn’t be viewed nor liked—nor even said aloud.

While the internet has made racists, transphobes, and xenophobes comfortable with spreading hate either anonymously or with little consequence, TikTok has exacerbated the problem by allowing people to assert their opinion without any credible basis. We could namedrop a variety of issues that have suffered from the spreading of misinformation across social media, but there’s one that I thought we had all laid to rest years ago.

I’m talking about vaginas and their odors and flavors.

Since downloading TikTok, I’ve seen immature men and misguided women make claims about what vaginas are supposed to smell and taste like. These videos boil my blood because they often shame people with vaginas for having vaginas that exude any sort of odor or flavor that isn’t palatable.

Why do people want their vagina to smell (and taste) like cupcakes

I just saw people on TikTok hyping suppositories that are peach, coconut, etc flavored and scented

Why do you want an infection to “please” a (most likely) man who doesn’t deserve to be around vagina anyways??

— Alex (@Alexandra_Pec) April 9, 2021

I wouldn’t want any of these TikTokers near my vagina to begin with. And the part of me that has learned how to identify garbage that hasn’t been taken out yet does not care one single iota what these people think is palatable. Spoiler alert: it’s probably exclusively dinosaur chicken nuggets and fruit snacks (there’s nothing wrong with either unless this is all you eat).

However, I am most concerned for these women who are regurgitating misogyny. Thus, this is a situation that calls for education.

So, what should a healthy vagina smell and taste like?

For starters, it should smell. Normal odors include fragrances that are metallic, bittersweet, bleachy, tangy, fermented, or sour. Menstrual cycles, bacterial flora, fluctuating pH balances, or discharge can all be attributed to these smells—and all are perfectly normal. In fact, you want your vagina to produce any of these odors because that means your vagina is doing its job.

Similarly, your vagina might taste metallic, salty, or sour, and again, that’s perfectly normal. Our vaginas spend most of their time experiencing all the activities we go about during our day. This can give them hints of sweat, musk, and body odor, which is nothing to be ashamed about.

@madgethevag

Hear what they’re saying #learnontiktok #womenshealth #femaleempowerment #femalanatomy #femininehygieneroutine

♬ Blinding Lights – The Weeknd

What your vagina should not smell or taste like is flowers or fruit. It also shouldn’t smell or taste fishy or rotten because that means you could have bacterial vaginosis, trichomoniasis, or even a case of forgotten tampon.

The takeaway is that your vagina should smell and taste like a vagina. If someone has a problem with that, then you can point them to the nearest bodega or grocery store because they’re probably craving something from the produce aisle and not whatever fun was to be had in the bedroom.

Like most products designed to target women, these TikToks are just trying to make those of us with vaginas feel bad about ourselves. But they’ll have to get in line behind all the other people, brands, and governments working on this nefarious plotline.

The next time you run into one of these TikTokers, just know they are simply airing their dirty laundry on the Internet. Maybe we should thank them for waving their red flags publicly and warning all of us with vaginas that they hate us and our bodies.

But don’t worry, vagina-shaming TikTokers. I hate you, too.

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Tags misogyny, health, women, The Tempest, sexuality, woman, The Tempest fellowships, advice, The Tempest Media, my vagina smells, vaginal odors, write for the tempest, dealing with misogyny, Healthy vagina, vagina smell, vaginal odor, vaginal odor no infection, The Tempest Studio, tiktok app, TikTok, TikTokers, should i delete my tiktok account, vagina acidic, tiktok videos, vulvasations, vulvasations series, Kayla Webb, why does my vagina smell, what does my vagina smell like, what does my vagina taste like, vagina flavor, vagina flavors, people with vaginas, are vaginas supposed to smell, do vaginas smell bad, does vaginal discharge smell, vagina advice, vaginal suppositories, tiktok vagina, what should my vagina smell like, vagina smells, vagina smells after birth, vagina smells during period, vagina smells like garlic, vagina smells like cheese, vagina smells like death, vagina smells like copper, vagina smells like chemicals, vagina smells like popcorn, vagina smells like iron, vagina smells like maple syrup, vagina smells of urine

Love + Sex Love Advice

8 things I wish I knew before I had sex for the first time

Post author By Anonymous
Post date December 18, 2020

[Image Description: A woman and man lying on a white mattress kissing with a white duvet over them.] Via We-Vibe WOW Tech on Unsplash

If you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking about or ready to have sex for the first time – and that’s amazing! You might be feeling nervous and anxious about your first time – first off, this is absolutely normal, you’re not alone in feeling like this.

There’s no right or wrong way when it comes to having sex for the first time, but I wanted to put this list together so you can feel comfortable and relaxed the best you can.

I’d like to state that I’m writing from the perspective of a straight woman having sex for the first time with a man – these points are more related to my experience as a straight woman.

Having said that, I do feel that these points can be applicable to everyone.

So here goes – grab a beverage, get cozy and get ready to learn the things I wished I knew before I had sex for the first time. Enjoy the ride 😉

1. Forget what TV and film taught you about your first time

It’s fair to say that TV and teen movies have given us some pretty unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and the magical ‘first-time’. Sex is meant to look good on camera – you have steamy make-out sessions under dim lighting as the couple (usually a straight couple) simultaneously take each other’s clothes off and dive into penetrative sex quickly (um, foreplay anyone?) that they miraculously both have orgasms at the same time. I’ll let you in on a secret….this doesn’t happen in real life.

Sex for the first time can feel nerve-wracking, awkward, and messy – and that’s completely normal! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot of fun, but don’t use first-time sex scenes from TV and film as a model for how your first time should go.

2. Having sex doesn’t change you – virginity is a social construct!

You are the same person before and after you’ve had sex for the first time, you won’t ‘change’ as a person. We’re led to believe that sex will make us different and we’ll ‘lose our purity’ – remember, virginity is a social construct! As the School of Sexuality Education puts it, “the pressures, myths and expectations surrounding the traditional idea of ‘virginity’ are very much the product of norms and ideas created by us humans”.

Have sex when you’re ready, it’s no one else’s business what you’re doing with your vagina.

3. Don’t worry about your appearance

It’s disheartening to say, but the Instagram selfie-obsessed world we live in has caused many of us to hold negative thoughts about our own self-image (I can attest to this), which can hamper us from having a fulfilling sex life. Focus on what you’re feeling rather than how you’re looking – if it helps, close your eyes, and enjoy the sensations and explore what feels good and pleasurable to you and your partner.

But believe me when I say this, you’ll look sexy in the eyes of your partner when you’re all hot and bothered!

4. Communicate with your partner – especially when it comes to contraception

Communication is a must when it comes to sex. As sex and intimacy expert, Gigi Engle, puts it, “In order to have good sex, you need to communicate your wants, needs, and desires to your partner.” This includes sharing any concerns or expectations you may have when it comes to sex, the contraception you want to use (the last thing you want to do is worry about STIs and pregnancy during sex!), if this is a casual or serious relationship, or if either of you are seeing other people.

Open up on what’s important to you!

5. Have lots and lots of foreplay to feel comfortable

Foreplay helps to lubricate the vagina, which can make sex more enjoyable – this includes making out, talking dirty, listening to some sexy tunes or podcasts, massaging, dry humping, oral sex…anything that arouses you and your partner. Don’t just consider foreplay as pre-sex activities, but make foreplay part of the whole sexual experience.

When it comes to having penetrative sex, feeling aroused and lubricated can help you feel relaxed, making vaginal intercourse feel more comfortable and less tense.

6. Take the pressure off having an orgasm and enjoy the whole ride

We all know orgasms feel good (I thank my showerhead for that), but climaxing during penile-vaginal sex can be difficult for women to reach, and this is relatively common if you have a vagina. In a 2018 study, 10 to 40% of women reported having difficulty or an inability to reach orgasm.

There are other things you can enjoy about sex that takes the pressure off having an orgasm – the close intimacy you have with your partner, exploring each other’s body, enjoying the pleasurable experience, and connecting on a deeper level.

As you become more comfortable with your partner, you can communicate with each other on how you can reach a climax, with clitoral stimulation for example (whatever you do, DON’T fake your orgasms), but use this time initially to enjoy the pleasurable experience.

Here’s another way of putting it: An orgasm is the dinner mint at the end of a five-course meal. Pleasure is the whole damn meal — from breadbasket to entree to dinner mint.

7. You might bleed or you might not – and it’s got nothing to do with the ‘hymen’

I was expecting to bleed profusely when I had sex for the first time after I ‘broke my hymen’, and I was pretty surprised that I didn’t. After some research, I found that a vast majority of women don’t bleed the first time they have penetrative sex – some do and some don’t, either is normal. RFSU, a Swedish sex education charity that refrains from the term ‘hymen’ and prefers ‘vaginal corona’ – in order to dispel the myth that a woman’s vaginal opening is covered by a membrane that ruptures on penetration – said that of those that do bleed, few do so because the vaginal corona was tight, but there are other reasons why.

RFSU explains that “if you were not sexually aroused, but rather tense, nervous and too dry, minor ruptures may develop in the vaginal corona and may bleed.”

8. Don’t ignore your clit!

I really mean it! The clitoris plays a huge part in the sexual arousal and enjoyment of women. The clitoral glans contains 6,000–8,000 sensory nerve endings, more than any other part of the human body (hallelujah!). This sensitivity explains why women enjoy clitoral stimulation – so, to enjoy sensual pleasure with your partner, make sure you both play with your clit!

So there we have it! I hope you’ve learned something new today and it’s put you at ease when it comes to your first-time.

Do you still want more? I thought you’d never ask!

Check out these other articles from our team:

Five reasons why masturbating is good for women

Let’s dissect the misogynistic arrogance surrounding the clitoris

I found my femininity through masturbation

Here’s how to have sex with trans women

I feel like a feminist failure because I fake my orgasms

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Feel-Good Sexuality The Vulvasation Love + Sex Love Advice

Five reasons why masturbating is good for women

Post author By Advaita Chaudhari
Post date November 12, 2020

[Image description: A grapefruit with two fingers on it.] Via Unsplash

Vulvasations is a Tempest Love exclusive series dedicated to spreading awareness about the female reproductive system, debunking myths about periods and dissecting everything vajayjay related. Let’s talk about vaginas!

When most of us think of masturbating, we usually think about a hormonal teenage boy watching a sleazy porno that is probably degrading to women in some way. This stereotype has some truth to it as about 70% of teenage males masturbate.

On the other hand, only about 50% of teenage females report masturbating. Besides the obvious benefit of masturbating (orgasms), there are many benefits to masturbating, especially for women.

1. It strengthens the pelvic floor muscles

Women are encouraged to do Kegels to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles by keeping the pelvic floor muscles active. Similarly, masturbating strengthens the pelvic floor by keeping the deep muscles working and in shape. It also activates the body’s orgasmic functions i.e. vaginal lubrication to ensure that your body is capable of having sex later on.

2. It’s good for your mental health

Orgasms increase blood flow throughout the body and cause an influx of endorphins throughout the body. Endorphins are feel-good chemicals that our body naturally produces in small quantities. They are natural painkillers and can produce a euphoric effect, which is why orgasms feel so good. Hence, masturbating is known to be a stress-reliever and a reboot for our minds.

3. It will boost your libido

Masturbating is known to boost libido and make people more confident in their bodies and sexuality. Because masturbating is (usually) a solo activity, you are in complete control over your own body and can easily figure out what you like and don’t like. This can lead to a much better sex life and more bodily autonomy during sex.

4. It’s safe during COVID-19

Without a doubt, COVID-19 has completely changed the way we interact with other people, which includes sex. Because it is generally better to avoid having sex right now (unless it is with a partner you are quarantining with), masturbating is a good alternative to maintain a healthy sex life. Because it is a solo activity, there is no risk for contracting COVID-19 through it. It’s also impossible to get pregnant through it, so you don’t need to worry about birth control when masturbating!

5. It can help you sleep better

If you struggle with insomnia (the inability to fall asleep at night), masturbating might help. Because orgasms release natural “feel-good” chemicals such as oxytocin and endorphins, they can make one more sleepy and relaxed. It’s more difficult to sleep now than ever due to our immense dependence on electronic devices that emit blue light.

While women masturbating is not as well-established or socially accepted as men masturbating, it is a completely valid and natural form of sexual expression. Women have been taught for centuries that sexual desire is “unnatural” because sex should only be procreative.

In fact, the vibrator was invented by a doctor in the 18th century as a way of curing “hysteria”, a disease that women were known to experience.

We now refer to “hysteria” as sexual frustration and “cure” it by orgasming.

Each and every one of us is entitled to our own body’s integrity, and sexual pleasure falls underneath that umbrella.

So don’t be ashamed to love your body a little bit more while we’re in quarantine (and after)!

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Sexuality The Vulvasation Love + Sex Love Advice

Let’s talk about sex baby and South Asia’s problem with it

Post author By Sharanya Paulraj
Post date November 2, 2020

[Image Description: A plus size woman lying in a tub of flowers."] via Unsplash

I’m 15 years-old when I realize I can’t identify my body properly, mostly, because I’ve discovered I have clitoris and I don’t know what it is. I will go on to spend the next two years of my life ignoring that particular body part because I think that something’s wrong with me. I would only figure out what it is years later as an adult woman. But the real question is why did no one around me talk about sex?

Before this diatribe starts, I would like to give some context to the South Asian, particularly the Indian problem with sex. I was born to an Indian family from a Southern state called “Tamil Nadu” to two slightly conservative but overall liberal Tamil Christian parents. My upbringing was a weird mismatch of culture, ideas and traditions due to my maternal side being heavily Anglicized. I was expected to be liberal about Indian ideals, after all, my family moved to the desert nation of UAE in the 90s, because they wanted us to have better opportunities.

I grew up enjoying liberties that perhaps weren’t the case with fellow Tamil or Tamil Christian girls. We spoke English at home, played records by Western 70s and 80s musicians, notably ABBA, the Beatles, Elton John et al. But for all the liberties we experienced, there were still some lines we never crossed, my parents would firmly stick to the fact that we were South Indian and there were certain things expected of South Indian women (especially those from Tamil Christian backgrounds).

What further reinforced this notion was my place of residence – I grew up in the UAE which at it’s base, is an Islamic nation. While the country itself was liberal in comparison to all its neighbors in the region, school was a conservative place. I studied with boys till the third grade and after that, we were segregated in true Indian private school tradition, because that’s when we realized that our male classmates are men. And here’s where it begins to get weird.

Sex education in Indian schools, especially private Indian schools are abysmal.

I say this with confidence because I’ve never been taught sex-ed and no, I don’t count that one time my tenth-grade Biology teacher speedily taught a class full of teenage girls the reproduction system. It was an awkward experience, and we all felt like we were breaking some unspoken universal taboo.

Most of my sex education, funnily enough, came from reading the Bible because it detailed laws on what believers should and should not do. It took me a very long time to understand what each law meant because I had no idea how everything worked. I was quite sheltered growing up and under the impression that you only get pregnant if two people of the opposite sex slept in the same bed.

Not my finest moment, but I had no teacher to tell me otherwise.

The only person who gave me “the talk” or a version of it was my elder sister, who fed me second-hand information about sex to me from her friends, while we did our homework and then, never spoke about it. Of course, a lot of the things I was told, were factually incorrect but that’s how limited our resources were. We had blocked websites due to the country’s censorship laws, and if you wanted information, you’d have to read an encyclopedia or just ask someone you know.

We weren’t encouraged to talk about sex or understand how our bodies worked. We never spoke about male and female interactions – at least, we didn’t talk about them in the way we should have because that would have made all the difference.

If I had to go back to all the times I’ve awkwardly looked away from the TV when things get heated between the hero and the heroine in their “love scenes” and when I mean love scenes, I mean those scenes, where the heroine is having her belly caressed sexually or having her neck sniffed by the hero because Indians are really strange about showing two consenting adults touching. It’s easy to see why we’re uncomfortable. We’re conditioned to deny ourselves pleasure.

It’s not that Indians aren’t having sex because they most definitely are. India ranks third worldwide for being porn consumers and now, with the COVID-19 pandemic, they’re consuming porn now more than ever. So why are we so shy talking about it with our young people?

Don’t people think that we would benefit from educating people on consent, sex and how their bodies worked? Don’t people think that our society would be infinitely better if we all had useful sexual education?

Well, I do and in the words of the Salt-N-Pepa, “Let’s talk about sex.”

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Feel-Good Sexuality The Vulvasation Love + Sex Love

Let’s dissect the misogynistic arrogance surrounding the clitoris

Post author By Advaita Chaudhari
Post date October 23, 2020

[Image description: A person is holding an orange that resembles the vulva.] Via Unsplash

With over 8000 nerve endings (double the amount of nerve endings on the head of the penis), the clitoris lays in all her glory at the top of the vulva. Despite being the only human organ known to exist solely for sexual pleasure, her existence remains a mystery in the minds of most straight men.

Only about 25% of women have consistent orgasms during penetrative intercourse. In other words, most women cannot orgasm solely through penetration.

Thanks to years of scientific misogyny, the clitoris has been deemed irrelevant in the context of sex

The clitoris is central to the female orgasm. While clitoral orgasms obviously involve clitoral stimulation, G-spot and penetrative orgasms also occur through the clitoris due to internal stimulation of the clitoris. Often, those who know of the clitoris believe that it is a tiny bit of highly sensitive tissue in the vulva.

However, most of the clitoris is underneath the vulva. It wraps around the vaginal tunnel and extends outwards towards the thighs.

If the clitoris is central to sexual pleasure, why is it not talked about more?

Why are so many people unaware of its existence?

All (consensual) orgasms are valid expressions of healthy sexuality.

Thanks to years of scientific misogyny, the clitoris has been deemed irrelevant in the context of sex. Sigmund Freud, a pioneer of psychology, renounced clitoral orgasms as immature and infantile. He believed that true adult female sexuality could only be achieved through a vaginal orgasm, even though most women cannot orgasm through their vagina.

In fact, male doctors have advocated for the complete removal of the clitoris to cure mental illnesses such as depression and schizophrenia, in some cases, known as female genital mutilation. Women were thought to have a mental problem in which they “unnaturally” desired sex and removing the clitoris would cure them. Obviously, all of these notions are completely false and are one of the many examples of misogyny built into science.

There is no “correct” way to orgasm and there is no such thing as a “mature” orgasm. All (consensual) orgasms are valid expressions of healthy sexuality. The lack of awareness surrounding the female orgasm stems from centuries of patriarchal values surrounding female sexuality, or lack thereof.

Female sexuality is seen as unnatural and unnecessary because sex should only be for procreative purposes for women. On the other hand, it is natural for men to assert their dominance through their sexual prowess. Not only are these views the reflection of outdated gender roles, but also reflections of a false essentialist concept.

Essentialism states that men act a certain way because they are biologically wired to do so, while women must act in the exact opposite way because they are “created differently”. This translates to gender roles that state that men are “assertive, sexually aggressive, dominant, and courageous” while women are “virginal, pure, domestic, and sexually submissive”.

Destigmatizing the clitoris starts by teaching people about its existence.

In the context of sexuality, the burden is placed on women to protect their “virginity” from men who are entitled to sleep with whoever they want.

The clitoris is a hallmark of female sexuality; it is proof that the female body is made for more than just procreative sex. Historically, this has been an invitation for society to plow through female sexuality and add a ~sprinkle~ of stigma.

By pretending that the clitoris doesn’t exist, we can pretend that female pleasure doesn’t exist, tipping the scales of power back in favor of men.

Destigmatizing the clitoris starts by teaching people about its existence, specifically through comprehensive sexual education. If sex is pleasurable, it is logical to teach about the organ that is responsible for that pleasure during sex education.

The clitoris is a part of our anatomy, just like our arms and our legs. It’s about time that we start treating it like the rest of our body.

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Sexuality The Vulvasation Love + Sex Love

I can’t have sex. Here’s what it’s like

Post author By Advaita Chaudhari
Post date October 17, 2020

[Image description: A woman lays on her bed.] Via Unsplash

I was twelve when I first heard the word “hymen” in a sexual education class. It was advertised as a “vaginal cloak” that would be broken the first time a girl would have sex.

I’m from Texas and therefore received abstinence-only sex education. Virginity was a woman’s virtue and a ~prized possession~.

Personally, I never bought into the idealization of virginity because sex was always irrelevant to me. I wasn’t waiting until marriage, but I wasn’t planning on doing it in high school either. Little did I know that not only did I not want to have sex, I biologically couldn’t have it.

I was confident in my decision to not have sex until I found out that it was never my decision; my body had already decided for me.

I realized that my body was averse to any form of penetration.

I could never use a tampon or handle any form of penetration without excruciating pain. It was almost as if my vaginal muscles would slam shut at the thought of it. I chalked it up to being nervous and spoke to my doctor about it.

For years, she told me that I was probably just nervous and should opt for thinner tampons. Despite using the thinnest tampons on the market, I still couldn’t get them in.

Eventually, I realized that my body was averse to any form of penetration, not just tampons, so there had to be another reason for my pain. Finally, my doctor confirmed that this was abnormal and referred me to a gynecologist this summer.

When I first realized how severe my problem was, I thought it was vaginismus (an involuntary spasming of the vaginal muscles in response to a fear of penetration).

I refused to leave my room for three days and mentally spiraled while trying to figure out how I was going to cope with the idea of never being able to have pain-free sex.

Going to a gynecologist at a young age only exacerbated this as I did not like being poked and prodded by a doctor, especially vaginally. After a painful gynecological exam, I was diagnosed with a hymenal abnormality (microperforate hymen).

I had a lot of abnormally thick tissue covering my vaginal opening with an opening about the size of a sesame seed for menstrual blood to come out of (nothing could go in). Surgery (hymenectomy) was my only option to remove the tissue.

Eventually, I underwent the surgery and was fortunate enough to receive a hormonal IUD at the same time. While my recovery was gruesome, I was optimistic about finally being able to use tampons and have a normal sex life. Unfortunately, I was in over my head. I felt like I was being cut in half during my gynecological follow-up appointment.

The severed nerve endings from the incision site were angered by the surgery, so penetration was still unbearably painful. She suggested that I start vaginal dilator therapy to condition my vagina to relax and habituate to the sensation of penetration. While dilators are tube-shaped medical devices that increase in size, my body perceives them as giant wooden stakes.

The only thing more painful than having to undergo vaginal surgery and dilator therapy was having to explain all of it to my conservative, Indian mother.

Sexual health is still taboo in India, especially for unmarried women. Often, society treats the vagina as a holy space that should not be entered until marriage by a woman’s husband.

My mother had never heard of a dilator and was traumatized after hearing about what she interpreted as “medically-prescribed masturbation”. Thankfully, she is more progressive than most Indian mothers and was somewhat supportive of my surgery because it was medically-necessitated.

Currently, I am three months post-operation and I am still working on dilation. While I cannot have painless sex yet, I have worked my way to the 4th dilator out of 8. This is tremendous progress for my body considering that I couldn’t handle a finger 2 months ago.

I have been able to use marijuana extract (CBD) formulated for sexual use to subdue my vaginal and vulvar nerve endings into relaxing enough to allow for certain forms of penetration, or as my friends like to say, I get my vagina high with vagina weed.

While my vaginal journey has been traumatizing, it’s also forced me to confront a culturally tabooed part of my body. Prior to surgery, I couldn’t even say the word “vagina” without blushing.

Here I am now, telling the whole world how I get mine stoned every night.

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Tags education, Love, health, Sex, sexual health, sex and relationships, The Tempest, conservative, indian, body positivity for girls, vaginismus, The Tempest fellowships, masturbation, virginity, The Tempest Media, write for the tempest, gynecologist, pain, vagina, gynecology, sex positivity, surgery, hymen, what is a hymen, masturbation effects on brain, CBD, The Tempest Studio, masturbation side effects, vaginismus dilators, sex education definition, sex education debate, sex education essay, sex education facts, sex education for women, sex education high school, sex education in schools, Advaita, Advaita Chaudhari, vulvasations, vulvasations series, Get The Tempest in your inbox. Read more exclusives like this in our weekly newsletter., penetration meaning, penetration testing, penetration effect, gynecologist near me, gynecologist meaning, female gynecologist doctor near me, gynecologist near me female doctor, gynecologist and obstetrician, masturbation effects, masturbation affect immunity, masturbation bad effects, masturbation affect memory, masturbation affect hair, sex education cast, sex education in india, sex education articles, sex education age, sex education books, sex education benefits, sex education for youth, sex education for men, sex education for students, sex education information, sex education in public schools, marijuana extract (CBD)

Health Care The Vulvasation Love + Sex Love

Things that everyone with a vag should definitely know

Post author By Mehvish Irshad
Post date July 10, 2019

[Image description: Women's legs in an empty bathtub.] Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I recently came across a series of paintings done by a brilliant artist named Jacqueline Secor. The pictures made me do a double take because what looked like floral textures at first, were in fact, vaginas. It was a series of work depicting floral renderings of female genitalia.

What was intriguing about these pictures wasn’t that they were female genitals painted in flowery patterns, but how different they looked from each other. It didn’t look like the same thing done in different styles. There was a noticeable difference between them.

image description: A series of nine artworks in a grid showing floral depictions of vulvas — [Image description: A series of nine artworks in a grid showing floral depictions of vulvas] via Jacquelinesecorart on Instagram

I previously believed that vaginas looked all the same. In hindsight, I’m surprised at my naivete.

Now, we already know women should explore themselves more, and I truly believe that. The statement that the vagina is the most talked about and least understood part of the body, doesn’t just apply to men.

In theory, you know what a vulva is, but would you be able to pick yours out of a line-up? If you can’t, then maybe you should work on that. Why don’t you grab a mirror and take a good look?

I’m not saying you should start researching vagina pictures (unless that helps you).

However, a first good step would be to remove the preconceived notion of what a vagina should look like, and instead, recognize how different each one can be.

Why is it important to appreciate and understand the variety in vaginas? Because the more you appreciate the beauty of your body, the less likely you are of looking for that validation from someone else. Self-love and acceptance are incredibly empowering.

The failure to recognize, embrace and love yourself the right way, can have greater consequences than just misrepresentation and unawareness. It can lead to psychological distress and at times, even a severe condition known as body dysmorphia or Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

Body dysmorphia is a mental disorder which causes individuals to obsess over an aspect of their appearance relentlessly, even if the perceived flaw is non-existent or insignificant. Falling for a media-based view of the perfect vulva can cause people to feel genital dysmorphia. They could find themselves making the desperate leap to cosmetic surgery, an industry which is more than happy to sell you the idea of perfection by going under the knife.

Plastic surgeons currently perform two kinds of corrective surgeries on genitals:

1. Vaginoplasty: A procedure to make your vagina tighter. It may also include the removal of some external skin for a more aesthetic appearance.

2. Labiaplasty: The surgical modification of the labia. The clitoral hood, the lips at the entrance of the vagina, and pubic lifts or reductions.

These surgeries can have serious side effects and might not treat the actual source of the problem: that there was nothing wrong with the appearance of your vagina in the first place, it was deeper rooted than that.

Plastic surgeons claim they’re going to make a patient’s genitalia “more appealing.” But to who? Are they trying to meet other people’s expectations, or is the media feeding you the idea of what a vagina should look like – without you even knowing?

If you need some realistic insight into this, please understand the porn industry is definitely NOT going to help you. Neither are pictures of genitals represented as neat little fruits and flowers.

image description: sliced fruit on purple silk — [Image description: sliced fruit on purple silk] via Charles on Unsplash

There are some amazing artists who have done alluring pieces of work similar to this that are worth looking up. There is also a captivating and thought-provoking documentary called 100 Vaginas.

The film is a very up close and personal look at vulvas and people with vulvas openly talking about them and their experiences. If you get a chance to watch this, do it, and understand that it will change you in some significant way by the end.

At least to a point where you won’t feel like you want to run and hide every time there’s a full-blown vulva on your screen.

[image description: a woman is smiling while holding a camera between an open pair of legs] via IMDB

In the documentary, one woman said “It’s [the vulva’s] physical appearance and makeup is rarely discussed. And while we are taught endlessly about the blood, birth, and pain it will bring to us, its potential for pleasure is only ever really noted in relation to others. We live in a society that treats women entirely like a cock pocket.”

There are many diverse types of vulvas, and all of them are beautiful.

And if your V doesn’t look the way you thought she should, trust me, she’s still lovely, and you’re still a goddess.

If this is an explorative journey you have yet to take, I highly encourage you to try. It’s empowering, and you can never have too much of that.

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