People with disabilities have taken to Twitter with the hashtag #DisabledCompliments to share the insensitive, backhanded, and all around ableist “compliments” they’ve had to endure from others.
The tag took off on Saturday when disability activist Imani Barbarin (@Imani_Barbarin) shared a thread of comments she’d been subjected to under the guise of compliments.
“You’re a reminder to me of how much worse things can get! I feel blessed.” #DisabledCompliments
— Imani Barbarin, MAGC | Crutches&Spice ♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) June 29, 2019
“It’s a shame you’re disabled because you have a pretty face.”
— Imani Barbarin, MAGC | Crutches&Spice ♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) June 29, 2019
Since, others have joined in far and wide with one user dubbing the supposed praises as “super fucking obnoxious”.
Here’s what others had to say under #DisabledCompliments:
1. Disabled and attractive? Gasp!
Me: gets out of my wheelchair to ease pain
Male: "wow you are quite attractive when you stand up aren't you?"#DisabledCompliments pic.twitter.com/0mQyLMwcts— 🦇BewitchingBeverleyButterfly🦇 (@bloomingmindxx) June 29, 2019
Someone hit up all news outlets because clearly, this is breaking news.
2. Classic “foot in the mouth” situation
“It’s good your parents didn’t give you up for adoption when they discovered you were born that way. Mine would have.”
I’d like to acknowledge there many babies in developing counties are given up for adoption – or worse – when they are born w ichthyosis.
— Carly Findlay OAM (she/her) (@carlyfindlay) June 30, 2019
I’d really like to know the thought process behind forming such a dignified compliment. It baffles me.
3. Classic “foot in the mouth” situation, Part II
“With your complexion, you should only wear grey. No bright colours.”
And from then on, colour was all I wore. #DisabledCompliments pic.twitter.com/wK6FNF1D3V
— Carly Findlay OAM (she/her) (@carlyfindlay) June 30, 2019
And with that attitude, methinks that person should refrain from openly voicing their opinions.
4. #RelationshipGoals
"Wow, your husband is so great for staying with you after you got sick!"
Shouldn't this be a normal expectation of your spouse? You know, the whole in sickness and in health thing? It's not a compliment to assume my husband should have left me. #DisabledCompliments— Laura Tull ♿ (@LauraTheUndying) June 30, 2019
Makes you wonder what kind of bad SOs that person had the misfortune of being with.
5. Yes, you don’t think
"Aww you're not disabled, you seem just fine to me! I don't think you need a service dog."#DisabledCompliments
— Molly 🐕🦺🗺️🌻 (@mollyemakeup) June 30, 2019
Don’t you just love and appreciate when people tell you who you are or aren’t? I’m heart-eye emoji-ing rn.
6. Why education is v important
“No! Don’t say you have ADHD! You’re not stupid!”
Thanks, I guess. I’m not. I just have a neurological disorder. It’s called ADHD.
“It’s a blessing!”
I dunno if I’d call it-
“BLESSIIIIING!”
#DisabledCompliments— Erynn Brook (@ErynnBrook) June 30, 2019
IT”S A BLESSING ERYNN, TAKE THE COMPLIMENT. Geez.
7. At least, right?
"At least nothing is wrong with your mind!" Thanks for perpetuating the disability hierarchy and reminding me how little you think of cognitively disabled/ID folks.#DisabledCompliments
— Lauren Alexandra is on my vigilante shit again (@CrippledChic) June 30, 2019
I don’t even have words.
8. Can you not?
https://twitter.com/davidnoob/status/1144954999899770882
That last one is just teetering on inspiration porn.
9. Umm, what?
"You're lucky your leg was amputated, now you don't have the knee pain I have". #DisabledCompliments pic.twitter.com/ZtAnSbFiSE
— Carla D. Best 🇺🇦 (@CDBest) June 29, 2019
Someone needs to look up the definition of lucky, and it isn’t Carla.
10. Stop it, I blush
“You are doing excellent at not showing your autism.”
“You must not be bothered by autism now.”Autism is not bad, it is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact being autistic is an intrinsic part of my identity. #DisabledCompliments
— Autistic Observations (@WhitneyGeertsen) June 30, 2019
That person is doing excellent at not showing their sensitivity – bravo!
11. Thanks indeed
https://twitter.com/naomi_fryers/status/1145238282436927488
We’ve all said it once, so I’m saying it again; mass education on world issues is so so so important.
12. Classic “foot in the mouth” situation, Part III
"you're so lucky, you basically have a built-in excuse to get out of anything" is one of my favorites. people who say that could never imagine the pain of having to miss so many opportunities because i'm just too sick to leave the house.#DisabledCompliments
— ADVAIR DISKUS is John af (@oatlovr) June 30, 2019
To think that Abbey has heard enough #DisabledCompliments for her to have favorites is appalling.
13. Not disabled disabled
“There’s no way you’re disabled!”
“You’re too young to be disabled.”
“Yeah, you’re disabled, but, like, you’re not DISABLED.” #DisabledCompliments
— Kate Mitchell | Kate the (Almost) Great (@kmitchellauthor) June 29, 2019
Sorry, you must be this tall to earn the honor of calling yourself disabled.
14. Look on the bright side
"Oh you have a debilitating chronic illness that causes lots of pain and discomfort and severely reduces your activity levels……….
…………….
Wow, I wish I could lay in bed all day. That's like a constant summer vacation." 🤦🏾♀️#DisabledCompliments
— TheDisabilityEnthusiast (@twitchyspoonie) June 29, 2019
Someone is summer vacation-ing wrong.
15. Just… no
*Me, inside a place that says "no food or drink" sitting on a bench, shaking uncontrollably, and chugging juice to treat a low blood sugar and trying very hard not to pass out*
Them: "I wish I got to eat and drink anywhere. You're lucky."#disabledcompliments
— Carly Maris, PhD (@vintagehistoria) June 29, 2019
Yet another person who needs to look up the definition of lucky.
The fact that #DisabledCompliments took off so quickly and is trending so widely makes it clear that the community in question is frustrated and tired AF of being on the receiving end of such ableist comments, and being ignored in wider conversations.
https://twitter.com/MadisonLeighT/status/1145144610571915264
The same reason my hashtags go viral is the same reason disabled people are mad neither of the #DemDebates mentioned us: disabled people want to be a part of the conversation.
I just provide the opportunity. #DisabledCompliments
— Imani Barbarin, MAGC | Crutches&Spice ♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) June 29, 2019
Ableism – discrimination that takes place in favor of able-bodied people – is so present in everyday speak that many fail to pick up on it. And look, it’s obvious that some people unintentionally, and perhaps out of a place of discomfort, voice such compliments in an effort to make the other person “feel better”.
But that’s not needed, and tbh, it’s uncalled for. All you have to do is be mindful and open to learning about others’ experiences without feeling the need to “fix” a situation.
Check out our pieces on ableism and disability to learn more!