Categories
Mind Mental Health Health Wellness

As the year draws to a close, go easy on yourself

We are nearing the end of the year, and everyone is tired. We are all in a hurry to wrap up at work, attend to family needs, and focus on other life commitments before the year ends. Exacerbated by the stress of having to navigate life in a pandemic and having undefined work and life boundaries, we have been burning at both ends of the candle. This is not only tiring but is harmful to our wellbeing, and can lead to year-end fatigue.

Year-end fatigue manifests itself as physical, psychological, and emotional exhaustion and is often accompanied by self-doubt, helplessness, lack of motivation, being overwhelmed, and burnout.

Experiencing burnout has as much of a detrimental effect on your mental health as on your physical health. Physical ailments that are related to burnout are headaches, nausea, and body aches. In addition, burnout may affect our sleeping patterns and cause us to become easily irritable, have difficulties concentrating, and neglect those around us.

I remember the first time I experienced burnout; I felt very tense. I soon realized that it was due to the stress of having to complete all my tasks. As someone who enjoys multitasking, I have always kept my mind stimulated by working on various projects, taking on different tasks, while still being a student.

Being busy was all I had ever known. Resting was not always a part of my schedule until I experienced burnout. My mind was foggy. I was slow to think and had mild headaches. My body was pleading for rest. Since then, I have had to re-evaluate my relationship with productivity and work. Having to check in with my emotional and mental self often has helped improve my wellbeing.

For many, year-end fatigue is inevitable. However, by listening to what your body needs you can help minimize its impact. One of the things that we tend to overlook when it comes to taking care of ourselves is getting enough sleep and drinking plenty of water. I have recently made it a rule for myself to never steal time from the new day. That means no sleeping past midnight, which has done wonders for my productivity. Now, I am a lot more vibrant during the day.

In addition, to combat fatigue, we need to consume food that is iron-rich. Women are especially prone to iron deficiency (Anaemia), which can lead to feeling fatigued. Including foods such as beans, peas, dark green leafy vegetables, and lean red meat in your diet will be beneficial in receiving the iron you need.

And, while caffeine may boost your energy levels, it can also cause fatigue. I used to be an avid coffee drinker and would have myself a warm cup of coffee every day with no fail. I’ve since cut down on caffeine as my body would later feel tired and my productivity would be affected in the long run. My tip is to remove caffeine gradually, reducing your intake over time.

Lastly, to regain your balance and feel more at ease, avoid overextending yourself with others. The end of the year is busy, and you can easily find yourself spreading yourself too thin. To avoid ending the year completely run-down, prioritize your tasks first and attend to others when you can. By doing so you show kindness and love to yourself.

So many times, we centralize work and productivity and equate it to our sense of purpose and fulfillment. The idea of putting productivity above ourselves can lead to fatigue, stress, and burnout. One way to fix this is by coming to terms with the idea that we should derive purpose from things outside of our jobs. Finding something you love outside of work allows you to grow and learn more about who you are. Through creating and exploring my talents I have been able to find purpose in my own journey. 

If you’re experiencing year-end fatigue, burnout, or stress, it is a sign that something of importance in your life is no longer serving its purpose. Take this time to re-evaluate your goals, slow down, and find out what it is that you are neglecting. It’s never a bad idea to check in with yourself, and the end of the year is a great time for reflection.

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Categories
Mental Health The Pandemic Now + Beyond

Here’s how texting is giving us anxiety – and what to do about it

I have a confession: I’m tired of texting.

Not because I hate technology and certainly not because I think we need to go back to the old times. Rather, I just find it mentally exhausting.

After months of not seeing people regularly in person, texting is just slightly better than solitude at best and emotionally taxing at worst. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we need to break up with texting altogether, but maybe it’s time that we don’t treat it like the only form of online communication.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we need to break up with texting.

Before the pandemic, I preferred texting to other forms of social interaction. As someone with social anxiety, it was easier.

I’d have time to think about responses, I wouldn’t have to show my facial expressions and, if a conversation was awkward, I could just ignore it. I much preferred texting to the dreaded phone conversation, the most anxiety-inducing part of my life.

Texting saved me. It was my social crutch. I could second guess myself or start a thought over without appearing awkward. I could easily draft and edit my response to any interaction, and nobody would know.

For someone who struggled so much with socializing, texting was a godsend.

What I never realized was that, when texting is your only form of communication, it’s exhausting. Because of the pandemic, I couldn’t see people in person. And with only texting, it’s notoriously difficult to tell someone’s tone while they’re texting, which can make conversations feel awkward or inorganic. I also find it difficult to hold a casual conversation while texting.

When I talk to someone face to face — or phone to phone — we’re able to shift from subject to subject and talk about the most mundane things. With texting, I always feel like I need a purpose to start or continue a conversation. This makes it very difficult to keep up casual friendships. During my time in pandemic-induced isolation, those relationships started to slip away.

Texting turned from my refuge to one of my greatest anxieties.

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There are exhausting aspects to Zoom, Facetime, and Skype as well, but having face-to-face communication can feel so much more invigorating. Being able to see someone’s facial expressions and hand gestures, and hear their tone of voice makes such a difference. Being able to have an organic conversation, with plenty of twists and turns and digressions just feels more comfortable for me.

I never realized that, when texting is your only form of communication, it can be exhausting.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like texting, and I’m not in favor of stopping it altogether. Still, we should stop treating it like the primary form of online communication.

Some of us need to be able to see a human face while interacting with others.

Texting turned from my refuge to one of my greatest anxieties.

Some of us just prefer the spontaneity of a talking conversation.

Texting is great, and it can be a lifesaver in certain situations, but it can’t be the only way we communicate. Technology is bringing us closer to real human interactions in an online setting, so we should take that opportunity. It makes a big difference.

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Categories
TV Shows Movies Pop Culture

I didn’t like horror movies until the pandemic — here’s why

If I’m going to be perfectly honest, I used to hate horror movies. It might be a social faux pas to say, but I didn’t see any merit in them. To me, they were just another unnecessary source of anxiety in an already anxiety-inducing world. Then the pandemic hit. Now, I don’t just like scary movies, I love them. I’d even go as far as to say I need them. But why?

I can’t quite answer that. What I do know is that horror movies have turned from a great source of anxiety for me to a kind of comfort or escape. The jump scares and ghost stories in horror movies seem so out of this world that it’s hard for me to be scared of them, especially when the real world is already so scary. It can be helpful to direct your anxiety into something not only fictional but so unworldly and absurd that you can’t imagine it happening in real life.

There’s been a pandemic outside for over a year now, and a whole host of political and human rights worries have both prolonged the pandemic, and been unearthed by it. Sometimes it’s nice to retreat into a world of haunted houses and demons from other dimensions, even if just for a moment. When I’m watching these movies, I’m more focused on ghosts than on the pandemic, and that’s a much-needed distraction.

Still, even if it’s easy to escape, it’s not always right. I think that part of the appeal of horror movies isn’t just how distant they are from the real world. They also appeal also because they represent the real world all too well. Media isn’t just a place to escape, but a place to reflect on the state of our society. We obviously can’t turn our backs on the real world forever.

For me, watching horror movies during quarantine helped me understand the world outside of me, even when I wasn’t able to experience it personally. There are clear-cut examples, such as Get Out or Us, which criticize racism and societal inequality, or Pan’s Labyrinth, which is essentially a parable for fascism. Even the ones without overt political messages can be commentaries on the state of our society. Films like It Follows and Scream are commentaries on the sexist tropes and slut-shaming present in a lot of horror flicks and turn those stereotypes on their head.

Horror movies are also very helpful for anyone dealing with isolation, anxiety, or uncertainty. Watching films like Midsommar or The Babadook, which feature women undergoing mental health crises while also encountering supernatural horrors, made me feel somewhat seen. Going through a mental health crisis can sometimes feel overwhelming and close to the supernatural. I’ll admit, seeing my struggles through the lens of a horror movie is actually really effective. Sure, it’s not realistic, but it still makes me feel less alone.

Horror movies were always unnecessarily stressful to me, and I couldn’t find any artistic value in them.  I admit that I was totally wrong. Part of me was just being pretentious, and part of me was still working through my own issues with anxiety. I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t like horror movies, because we all have our own tastes. Still,  I’m now proud to say that putting on a scary movie is comforting for me. Sometimes, the real world is confusing and scary, and watching a story about supernatural issues is easier than confronting real ones.

However, it goes deeper than just escapism. Horror movies actually help me conceptualize and challenge the real issues the world is facing. They’ve forced me to confront both my personal issues and the role I play in society. Scary movies started out as an escape and then became a wake-up call. They became a way for me to start understanding complex societal issues that were difficult to wrap my head around – to serve as a stepping stone for more nuanced discussions and ideas.

Of course, horror movies have gone above and beyond just being ‘scary’. In fact, it’s been pretty eye-opening for me. From stereotypical horror movies to ones that dissect issues like racism and feminism (I’m looking at you, Get Out and Jennifer’s Body), there truly is something for everyone – especially if by the end of the movie, you can’t sleep at night.

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Categories
Health News Gender Race The World Policy

Gig and part-time workers have been left out of the healthcare conversation in the United States for far too long

It is no secret that the healthcare system within the United States is flawed. In large contrast to other countries, there is no universal healthcare. As such, the U.S. government does not provide healthcare for most of its citizens. Instead, healthcare is provided by multiple distinct organizations. These include insurance companies, healthcare providers, hospital systems, and independent providers. Such healthcare facilities are widely owned and operated by private businesses. 

Millions of people are left vulnerable to falling through the cracks as public and private insurers set their own rates, benefit packages, and cost-sharing structures within the bounds of federal and state regulations. 

Employer-sponsored health insurance was first introduced in the United States in the 1920’s. This method indicates that employers might contract with private health plans and administer benefits for their full-time employees as well as their dependents. By 1965 public insurance programs such as Medicare and Medicaid were introduced as a means to compensate for some, but certainly not all, of the already existing flaws. 

Medicare ensures a right to hospital and medical care for all persons aged 65 and older, and later those under 65 with extreme long term disabilities or end-stage renal disease. On the other hand Medicaid, which covers around 17.9% of the American population, is state-administered and is meant to provide health care services to low-income families, the blind, low-income pregnant women and infants, and individuals with disabilities. Eligibility for Medicaid is largely dependent on criteria which vary by state. Individuals need to apply for medicaid coverage and to re-enroll annually. 

As of 2021, the U.S. ranks 22nd globally in terms of quality healthcare with countries like Finland, Japan, and Canada placing above it. In 2018, nearly 92% of the country was estimated to have health coverage, either through their employer or based upon other factors. That statistic leaves roughly 27.5 million people, or 8.5% of the population, uninsured. 

Those flaws intensify dramatically when it comes to the gig or part-time workforce. For one, it is no coincidence that struggles in regards to access to affordable healthcare also run along the lines of race, gender, and income in this country, just as it does with the countless other social issues which persist here. 

For one, those who work within a gig or part-time capacity are often not offered an employer-sponsored health insurance plan. Not to mention that they are also not salaried, so their income is often limited or unreliable, leaving these workers with little opportunity or access to the healthcare system that is in place. Such workers are either required to purchase their own health insurance or apply for Medicaid. Now, while Medicaid eligibility varies between each state, many people who are classified as low-income wind up making too much money to actually be an eligible candidate for the narrow assistance program. At the same time, however, many of the private health insurance plans are extremely expensive, leaving workers stretched thin financially or in danger medically.

This dynamic effectively allows for inequality to flourish. This is no surprise considering that the gig and part-time economy is mostly made up of minority groups, thus being complicit in the racially skewed power structures which exploit people based on their race, religion, gender, sexuality or socioecomic status. That includes single mothers, previously incarcerated people, immigrants and Indigenous, Latinx or Black adults to name a few. In fact, nearly a third or 31% of Latinx adults aged 18 or over earn money through the gig economy. This is compared to 27% of Black Americans and 21% of white adults.  

Workers rights groups in the gig and part-time sphere have been advocating in the name of things like workers compensation for various minutia including maintenance of drivers vehicles, the right to organize, access to 401K, paid family leave and proper employment classification, among other things. This is especially important when you consider that, contrary to popular belief, most people are not using their gig or part-time job as a “side hustle” to compliment their salaried and health-insurance sponsoring full-time position. Instead, this is likely their primary source of income, along with perhaps a second or even third job doing something similar. They are doing as much as they can to make ends meet and survive within a world and system which layers on barriers to their success and sustainability. One that fails to acknowledge their exhaustion and that remains complicit in their vulnerability. 

At the root of what workers are demanding is dignity on the job. 

Workers are fighting to dismantle the system of exploitation that has further isolated and damaged vulnerable communities across the country. To put this better into perspective: there is an unprecedented number of care deserts in the United States. Medical care deserts are best defined as a region which is more than 60 minutes away from the closest hospital. Nearly 1 in 5 residential areas in America, or around 640 entire counties, fall under this definition. 

Also affecting access to healthcare and employment status substantially are child care deserts. Child care deserts are areas in which there are little to no licensed child care providers. An estimated 51% of all residents in the United States live in a child care desert. Plus, child care is especially limited among particular populations such as for low-income families, rural families, and Latinx or Hispanic families. 

Each and every person is deserving of the right to proper healthcare, especially that which is free of the leaps and bounds of a system that oppresses and makes it extraordinarily difficult to access or afford. 

That said, the COVID-19 pandemic without a doubt boosted the telemedicine industry dramatically, putting more accessible and affordable healthcare on the map. A rainbow behind storm clouds, telemedicine has the potential to help people in many ways beyond what we saw over the past year. 

For one, people don’t have to worry as much about transportation, making virtual appointments not only cheaper but also less time consuming. Similarly, because such appointments can take place right from your home, the patient is offered a lot more flexibility to accommodate their work schedules and things like child care. Not to mention stressors in regards to scheduling, the possibility of domestic violence or even religion that can make traditional medical care difficult.  Therefore, due to its asynchronous nature, this intrusive care modality can be much less anxiety-inducing for patients. 

One telemedicine option, Alpha, has been offering such services for much longer than those which were forced into it by the pandemic. Alpha is a growing platform that allows for patients to receive primary care or talk therapy from home. It specializes in holistic treatments for women ranging from regular checkups to ongoing mental health appointments, nutrition and reproductive care – including postpartum depression – acknowledging that women often carry the burden of handling healthcare for their entire families (spouses, children, elderly parents, siblings, etc.) while also working. In this way, Alpha’s services are entirely patient led and personalized. 



Women’s health in particular is ignored, invalidated, and not taken seriously within the medical industry of the United States. Through the asynchronous telemedicine that Alpha offers, patients have a direct line of written conversation with their physician to ask questions or address concerns, unlike an in-person setting where phone calls are screened or a patient might see a different doctor each time they visit. This way, visits are much more private, personal, and accessible. 

Additionally, by allowing patients to pay with cash or in an a-la-carte fashion, the company stands by its mission to meet patients where they are. According to its website, Alpha has a few external/local partnerships in 43 states in the case that a patient needs a procedure done or to go to a lab to receive a test which cannot be completed from an at-home kit – remaining dedicated to combatting the issue of care deserts across the country. 

Alpha’s Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Jacobsen, highlighted a mission of the platform. “We educate patients on their medical condition. We are always involved with the patient because involving the patient in their care, making an informed and fair treatment plan and decisions about prescription medications is going to increase adherence to the plan by the patient.” 

 “And obviously,” Jacobsen continued, “support the relationship between the patient and the provider. We know that a good relationship with the provider actually shows better patient outcomes.” 

Alpha encourages all employers to consider health plans which include telemedicine, citing its inherent ability to provide a less stigmatized experience for patients. More specifically, much of the patient demographic using Alpha are people either without insurance or moving in and out of insurance.

“It is a great fit for gig workers and very convenient, given the fact that you don’t have to take time out of business hours.” Gloria Lao, co-founder and CEO, added, “you can solve your medical issues at midnight on your couch and still get cared for.” 

It is surely going to be difficult to return to fully in-person treatments after the pandemic considering the cutting-edge programs which have emerged and its potential to drive affordability. Perhaps, with a more urgent shift toward progressive politics in the United States and as the unions formed by workers across the country begin to catch fire, we can expect to see more attention focused on finally making healthcare accessible, affordable, and non-discriminatory.

 

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Categories
Mind Mental Health Health Coronavirus Wellness

How I learned to heal when I lost my friend during COVID-19

Trigger warning: Trauma, anxiety, and suicidal ideation

Last March, just before my city was forced to go on lockdown due to COVID-19, I had a major falling out with a close childhood friend.

We had known each other since we were in middle school. But the two of us had grown especially close in our college years because we were experiencing similar hardships that allowed us to form a bond on a more personal level.

As a result of our new, budding companionship, we had spent the past three years building a more mature friendship, talking almost daily, hanging out often, and leaning on each other for advice or guidance through the difficult transitions of young adulthood.

Then, suddenly, at the beginning of the pandemic, our friendship just about abruptly ended, leaving me confused and hurt.

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In hindsight, our falling out was over something rather petty and could have been avoided or solved with better communication. Even so, losing a friend during an unprecedented pandemic as well as simultaneously losing my sense of normalcy caused underlying and undiagnosed mental health issues to arise, which left me feeling alone in ways I had never felt before.

In the initial stages of our falling out, coupled with the stress from the pandemic as well as uprisings and racial reckonings across the United States, I found myself crying frequently, battling suicidal ideation, going to sleep, and waking up feeling anxious.

However, despite the emotional burdens I was feeling at the time, losing my friend also forced me to address unhealthy patterns of my own behavior.

With time, I began to slowly realize some important revelations about myself.

Patterns that had long prevented me from confronting the trauma I buried under the guise of happiness.

And the isolation of the pandemic forced me to reflect on why the end of this friendship was affecting me so intensely and what could be done to improve the state of my mental health, in a substantial way, going forward.

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In turn, my process towards letting go of a friendship, of normalcy, of control, and the illusion of good mental health, required months of self-reflection. With time, I began to slowly realize some important revelations about myself.

Things like how I never truly learned how to forgive people close to me when they caused me harm, which explained why I could be quick to anger or defensiveness over a minor conflict, as I anticipated receiving the worst treatment from people.

I also realized I never learned how to move on from things that hurt me, and I never made my mental health a priority. Perhaps, even, I have never been truly mentally or emotionally healthy; rather, I was just surrounded by people who distracted me from myself.

Perhaps my former friend and I distracted each other from our own problems.

After all, part of our bond was built on our commonality of having a history of toxic, draining, or one-sided friendships with other people.

Ultimately, my healing process through coping with this loss is requiring me to acknowledge my own shortcomings and aspects of my health I should have taken care of sooner; trauma I should have allotted time to heal from a long time ago. However, I also came to realize, it’s okay to find you’re not really okay because it’s never too late to prioritize whatever you need in order to heal.

Upon realizing there is work to be done towards getting better, it’s imperative to be patient with yourself and extend yourself some grace on days that seem difficult to get through. Personally, months into the pandemic, I started journaling, I wrote a ton, and I cried when I needed to (without shame or guilt).

Part of our bond was built on our commonality of having a history of toxic, draining, or one-sided friendships with other people.

And I confided in a loved one about the things I was and had been struggling with for a long time, relieving myself of the burden or illusion of having to be strong all by myself.

That also meant admitting to myself that surface-level forms of self-care, that I’ve always performed myself, weren’t enough to manage my mental health forever. I decided, at some point, I’d like to get some potential diagnoses regarding whatever mental illnesses I may have from my doctor. I also wanted to try finding a suitable therapist who can offer more effective coping mechanisms from a professional standpoint that I can utilize.

Additionally, it’s important to note: sometimes relationships end, and sometimes things happen in the world around you outside of your control. All of which you’re allowed to grieve within a healthy space. Fallouts with friends, especially close friends, don’t have to be catty or messy, but they are admittedly hard to endure.

It’s normal for uncomfortable life changes to make you feel bad, confused, or both.

We can and should end relationships with people that no longer serve a positive purpose in our lives (even if the person on the other end of someone else’s decision to do so is you). To cope with such losses, we must give ourselves the space to let that person go, check-in regularly with our mental health, and then eventually move on.

So, ultimately, what I’m learning about healing is I don’t have to be invincible to pain or the downsides of losing someone important to me. It’s normal for uncomfortable life changes to make you feel bad, confused, or both.

As morbid as it is, if you asked me whether the pandemic contributed anything positive in my life, it would be how the weird and strenuous circumstances of the last year helped me learn how to be consistently healthy enough to withstand the inevitable ebb and flow of life.

 

If you’re having trouble coping with your mental and emotional health, please reach out and make use of the resources below.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
In case of escalation, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.orgThe Trevor Project provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQIA+ youth, and can be reached at 1-866-488-7386.
You can also text TALK to 741741 for free, anonymous 24/7 crisis support in the US and UK from the Crisis Text Line. 7 Cups and IMAlive are free, anonymous online text chat services with trained listeners, online therapists, and counselors.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.
And finally, the National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text “NEDA” to 741741.

 

Check out Mental Health Mondays, The Tempest original series featuring stories of those battling their mental health, in all of the ways. And follow @thetempesthealth on Instagram!

Categories
Editor's Picks The World

When you need a break from the news, it’s okay

The NewsRun is a daily email newsletter that delivers smart, clear and digestible breakdowns of Pakistan’s top news straight to your inbox. Check out their website to learn more and subscribe – it’s free! 

Being informed is a virtue – there’s no question about that. But do you find yourself feeling stretched too thin while catching up on the constant onslaught of information from your social media feeds, phone notifications, news sites and TV channels? Add a global pandemic to the mix and you have a very exhausted mind trying to keep up with news snippets from everywhere in an attempt to make sense of the world.  

So what if less is more when it comes to consuming the news?

According to a survey by Digital Third Coast, 68% of Americans said the news has left them feeling anxious during the pandemic. Meanwhile, 65% and 67% of respondents reported feeling overwhelmed and burnt out by the news respectively. 54% even said they were cutting back on their news consumption to escape these feelings. The trigger in anxiety is not just limited to news readers in the US or the pandemic.

Dutch researchers in 2017 conducted a study on how hard news that deals with shaping political perspectives affects well-being. It was discovered that on average, well-being falls 6.1 percent for every additional television hard news program watched a week. The researchers explained this by noting the dominance of negative stories on such programs, and the powerlessness viewers might experience as a result in the face of all that bad news. 

So how do I know if I am overdoing it?

First things first — check in with yourself. 

– How does reading the news make you feel? Does it trigger anxiety or stress about things that are completely beyond your control? 

– Do you find yourself repeatedly consuming “alarmist” content – think natural disasters, breaking political news, riots and protests etc instead of a more well-rounded news diet that adds value to your knowledge repository?

– Is your body sending you signals via a strained neck, frequent headaches, lack of sleep and/or bad posture indicating that you are spending too much time looking at screens?

If the answer to one or all of the above is yes, it is time to slow down.

Start by changing the little things

Just like all other habits, shaping our news diet should be a conscious process.

Here are some small changes in your routine that can help you stay informed while avoiding emotional and mental burnout.

– Take digital sabbaticals: Simply put, take a break from the news. Not on a specified day or time of the month, but everyday. Set aside hours in your day where you DON’T look at your social media feed or news sites. Similarly, define a time in the day, preferably 30 mins in the morning and once late in the evening when you catch up on the day’s events. Don’t do anything else in that time but focus mindfully on what you are reading, seeking out the relevant sources and finding the right background and contextual information. You will notice an uptick in the quality of your news diet without feeling bombarded with non-stop updates

– Skim less, read more: If you find yourself merely skimming through headlines multiple times a day without finding the time and bandwidth to delve into the stories in depth, you are doing it wrong. Nourish your brain with high-quality, research-backed content instead of overwhelming yourself with the same “breaking” news headlines packaged in different ways.

– Be protective of your time: If the past one year has taught us one thing, it’s that our time is limited and infinitely valuable. Hence, when choosing news sources, be picky about who you devote your time to. Prioritize publications that report responsibly, refrain from sensationalism and provide their readers with a healthy balance of content instead of holding their attention captive with triggering or shock-and-awe content

– Support good content: Show appreciation to those who are putting in the work and enriching your news diet. It can be something as simple as leaving a meaningful comment telling the outlet/journalist that you derive value from their work. Or show financial support to projects, news outlets that are trying to break the advertising-driven journalism mould with more cutting-edge holistic news coverage.

And lastly, don’t forget to tell us if these tips and tricks helped you in being more mindful with your news consumption patterns. Remember, unplugging from time-to-time from your screens does not equate to slacking – instead it is a sign of respect for our time, emotional and mental well-being and the most rewarding form of self-care.

This guest post is a part of The Tempest’s collaboration with The NewsRun. For the next month, we are working together to encourage mindful and smart news consumption. 

Categories
Life Stories Life

Being creative doesn’t need to be performative or productive

My hesitance with being creative started with a set of simple words on my screen: “Now is the perfect time to write your book!” I encountered variations of these words on Twitter, against the scenic backdrop of a forest in an inspiration post on Instagram. They seemed to follow me everywhere I clicked. These words became a trickling of an inner voice in my head that demanded one thing: write a book. Write the book. 

At the time, we were all in our first few weeks of the world-wide lockdown. There was a wave of posts that encouraged people to look at the bright side of staying home. After all, we had the many privileges that came with being able to have our own spaces during this time. We didn’t have to share a common eating space with colleagues and we could work in our pajamas. It wasn’t all bad, right?

Not to mention, while we self-isolated and stayed inside, our schedules had significantly cleared up. These reminders and gentle pushes served as an incentive for us to sit down and do the things we said we’d do if we had more time. My current circumstance, if I would have let it, could have been inspirational. This was the time I had been waiting for, so why wasn’t I typing away? 


I imagined myself as an artist who was finally in their own element with nothing but time and energy to create. Cocooned away in blankets, frantically typing away at her next screenplay, she uses the time she would have spent commuting to work to instead perfect her craft. Or perhaps I’d relate more to a woman whose hands dance in the warm light streaming through the window. There are paint streaks on her cheeks and the coffee in her mug has gone cold.

Then, there is also the image of a struggling artist who perseveres against all odds. Their hand is shaking, but resolute, as they photograph minute details of their surrounding, working with what they have. This artist scrapes the barrel for their inspiration, regardless of the clamor outside. Fair. But we need to remind ourselves these are heavily romanticized ways of approaching creativity. 

Reading the pandemic was the perfect time to ‘write my book‘ made me feel discouraged. I felt bogged down. I was in mourning for the perfect end to my senior year that now would never be. Trapped in my room, I felt the need to escape. Writing allows me to delve deep into myself – something I could not have been bothered with before the pandemic hit. However, as any writer can tell you, it is an incredible feeling to share your work, but writing can be a terribly lonely and internal process.  

I wasn’t partaking in much leisure creativity in those early days. Even writing my college senior project, a creative fictional piece, felt like a chore. All my energy went into listening to the voices that streamed out of my laptop during the last of my online courses.

All I wanted to do was scoop out my mind and leave it in a warm tub to rest. I watched movies, listened to music, and chatted with my roommates, using up the energy I had left on reserve. I didn’t feel inspired to produce some great masterpiece. But I had all the time in the world to do it. Since I wasn’t going anywhere, why wasn’t I writing my book?



Weren’t the arts meant to be those places where we could escape from capitalist expectations of labor and product?

Over time, I felt myself spiraling. I didn’t have an idea of what I would write. I just felt like I had to make something productive out of my time. I genuinely felt I was going to disappoint myself either way, whether I chose to pick up my pen or not.

This is all sounding gloomy, but actually, there were times when I wanted to be creative. When I felt that sudden urge to set off and start working on a new piece of writing or pick up painting as a hobby. I knew when I started working I would feel good about it, but the benchmark had been set so high that I felt discouraged.

When I was packing up to move back home, I stumbled upon a product of my literary past. I had written up a small outline of a short story sometime in January. Immediately, I wanted to drop everything, move aside the boxes from my desk, and bring the story to life.

I had an epiphany- this mindset of creating perfect art was (and is) toxic. Creativity doesn’t have to be productive. Weren’t the arts meant to be an escape from capitalist expectations of labor and product?

I am not wasting my time even if nothing comes of the writing– I am perfecting a craft.

Art didn’t need to be performative either. It didn’t have to wear the fancy label of a ‘novel’ or perform for an audience. I didn’t need to parade around and place a glossy cover over the pages. Instead, I needed to give myself permission to not even have to finish whatever project was in my drafts. Ultimately, I must accept no creative pursuit is ever wasted. I am not wasting my time if nothing comes of the writing. Rather, I am perfecting a craft. As for talent, there is no wasting that unless I don’t use it. 

The sooner I realized I could follow my creative instincts without oppressive expectations, the sooner I felt creatively liberated. Whether it be through sporadically writing a scene of a story or picking up (and putting down) a paintbrush when I feel inclined, I shouldn’t have felt pressured to fully pursue my creative urges if I didn’t want to. I should be allowed to surrender to that flurry of excitement and passion to simply express myself. Then, when the passion was over, to let it go. Truly, I didn’t even have to show my creative work to anyone or look at it ever again. 

I am teaching myself creativity isn’t meant to always be translated into something productive. The funny thing is I often did return to those pieces and paintings and continued to work on them. But that was only possible when I didn’t feel the heavy benchmark of producing a bestseller or a museum-worthy mural on my shoulders.

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Health Science Now + Beyond

How scientific journalism caused, and healed, my hypochondria

TW: Discussion of mental health, cancer, illness.

Do I have cancer? Cancer symptoms? How do you know if you have cancer? As a sophomore in high school, I would Google questions like this day after day. I remember the anxiety rushing through my head, only worsened by the WebMD articles informing me that, yes, I did indeed have cancer. It took me a year to realize that I was wrong, but it was a long and stressful year.

At this point in my life, I wasn’t particularly educated on health or my body. I had taken health class in school, but we learned very little about our own bodies, and even when we did, it was vague and uninformative. In all five years of health class, we only learned about cancer once. My teacher told me that the primary signs were uneven lumps, unusual discharge, and wounds that won’t heal. At this point, I was convinced I had cancer.

Or so I thought I did. Totally ignorant about the functioning of my own body, I mistook my normal, healthy vaginal discharge for a clean sign of cancer. Once I took into account an odd (but benign) birthmark, a stubborn tonsil infection, and a few small cuts and bruises that wouldn’t go away, and I was certain that I had late-stage cancer. My stress over my apparent illness led to heart palpitations and migraines, which I took as signs that the cancer was spreading.

It probably sounds ridiculous. I agree that it does. It was only later, when I found out about hypochondriasis, that I understood what was happening to me.

To those who don’t know, hypochondriasis is a psychological disorder in which one develops chronic hypochondria. A person with hypochondriasis will assume that they are ill with a serious disease when they are not, and mistake any small ailment for a sign of a larger problem. Many people have experienced hypochondria, but for those of us with hypochondriasis, the anxiety is constant, chronic, and life-altering.

Anything can bring on a bout of hypochondria. For me, it was news articles about strange new diseases that could threaten one’s life or clickbait articles about sure signs of cancer. I’d find some way to match my own symptoms to the ones described, and subsequently spiral. It wasn’t an easy time.

However, I am proud to say that I eventually pulled through. Finally talking to my family about my symptoms helped me understand that my illnesses were normal and not life-threatening. When I eventually faced a serious illness earlier this year, my hypochondria all but disappeared. Once I understood what a serious illness felt like, nothing else could compare.

My hypochondria was a result of my health curriculum, “educational” health websites such as WebMD and “scientific” clickbait. However, science and medicine journalism also helped heal me. Whenever I’d have heartburn or a migraine, I’d calm myself down by reading about the actual mundane causes of these issues. I eventually came to realize that my “symptoms” were not at all symptoms of heart disease or cancer, but very common minor ailments.


Most of my health issues were stress-related, and once I realized this, I finally began to heal. I haven’t had a serious migraine or heart palpitations in a year now. I can thank my scientific research for this, but I can also thank my own strength. Understanding genuine medicine was a catalyst for me, but working on my mental health was just as important.

I still struggle with hypochondriasis, but I find myself improving every day. Mental illnesses don’t disappear overnight, but I’m learning to work through them and learn from them. In the midst of the pandemic, my lived experience is actually quite a blessing. Many of my friends and family members are now struggling with hypochondria themselves, and I’m able to help them work through their anxiety. It’s never easy, but I’ve found myself not only starting to heal, but also help heal others.

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Feel-Good Love + Sex Love

Valentine’s, Galentine’s or Palentine’s? Our editorial team spills it!

Valentine’s Day is coming up – lovebirds and palentines – follow along with our Vday series right here

You can always feel the air around you changing as the world dresses itself up in red and the internet is dolled up in hearts, affirmations and words of love and promise. It’s that time of the year again: Valentine’s Day.

There’s something about Vday season that makes you want to share and revel in all the love around you. It may be a simple gesture of sending a box of chocolates to your best friend, treating yourself to a much needed day of self-care, or cuddling up with your boo, but the holiday is here in all its shining red glory.

Heart shaped chocolates and balloons, flowers galore, cheesy cards and sappy rom coms are the mood of this season.

We hope you’re shining, no matter what your plans may be!

So to share our celebrations with you, our editorial team has given you a glimpse into their Valentine’s Day plans:

It has become sort of a tradition for me and my boyfriend to spend Valentine’s Day apart, as it usually fell during our university’s Reading Week, and therefore one of the few times where both of us could go home and spend time with our families. There is no university holidays keeping us apart this year, but he’s still over 3,000 miles away and the UK is on lockdown anyway. My plans include Zoom Scrabble, long hours in front of the computer, chocolates and rewatching Valentine’s Day for the 10000th time. And who knows, maybe I’ll receive a hand-made present by mail.

Bea, Senior Editor of Pop Culture

2021 is the first year in two years that I will be single for Valentines Day, though I am kind of glad about it! I always spent the holiday longingly watching my friends from a distance celebrate together in perfect “galentines” fashion via champagne, chocolate, bundles of flowers, and our favorite movies – while my ex and I acted as if it was any other day: Fast food and video games. I am a hopeless romantic, so this reality definitely gutted me. This year I plan on spending the day with my roommates laughing, singing, dancing, and loving!

Vanessa, Senior Editor of The World

This is the very first Valentine’s Day I’ll be celebrating with my husband. Although we won’t be able to do the typical romantic things we had envisaged – a weekend getaway, candlelight dinner, going to the movies – due to national lockdown here in the UK, we’re grateful that we can celebrate this day together after months of being apart. We’ll go for a walk in the morning around our nearby park, order a Domino’s pizza and watch our favorite sitcoms. I’m pretty sure we’ll rewatch Friday Night Dinner, Friends, and Brooklyn 99 throughout the day!

Rebecca, Junior Editor of Lookbook and Weddings

This will actually be my first Valentine’s, since I was a teenager, that I’ll be spending at home (courtesy of the pandemic). So that leaves me celebrating a mini Gal-entines with my mom. While other people might find that a bore, my mother is the person who taught me—in the wise words of Parks and Recreation—to treat yo’ self. For us, that means we’re picking up some pink balloons for house decoration. Then we’re going to go to our local patisserie and get either a cake or some pastries. And, let’s be real, we’ll probably end up watching Pride and Prejudice or Notting Hill. After all, who needs love when you have cake, balloons, Mr. Darcy and Hugh Grant?

Helena, Junior Editor of Now + Beyond

My boyfriend and I have been together for about four and a half years now, but his birthday falls on the 13th! So we’ve had to find creative ways for him to have a special birthday, then turn around and do something romantic for both of us the next day. Living together during the pandemic has made that extra challenging, since we can’t go out anywhere and it’s nearly impossible to buy a gift or plan a surprise without the other one finding out. Last year we went to a pinball arcade and had an amazing dinner at our favorite restaurant, but this year we’ll probably get curbside pickup (from the same place we went to last year) and create a romantic night in!

Megan, Senior Editor of History

I am pretty sure that I have been single for as long as I can remember… Nonetheless, I still think that Valentine’s Day is a super cute holiday! I like the idea of a day that focuses on spreading love, giving love, and receiving love. It also serves as the perfect opportunity to watch a rom-com, drink some wine if I am in the mood, and eat desserts. Last year around Valentine’s Day, I watched To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You with my friend while drinking rosé and eating cookies. With the pandemic, I won’t be seeing my friends, unfortunately. However, unless I magically find myself in a relationship before Valentine’s Day, I am still planning to watch a movie, drink champagne, and eat dessert like I normally do with my friends! I think this year’s film will be Bride Wars starring Anne Hathaway and Kate HudsonIt is one of my favorite rom-com’s!

Tatayana, Junior Editor of Love and Health

This is the first Valentine’s Day that I’m going to be spending at home after a long time, so I ordered some clothes online and if they deliver on February 14th, I’m going to spend Valentine’s Day getting dressed up at home, feeling myself, and then spending the rest of the day calling my college friends. This time last year, I was living with them so it is going to be a little disappointing, but I can’t wait to drown myself in chocolate and cute t-shirts that I found on an online sale. I’m actually looking forward to being able to dress up, even if its to just click pictures at home.

Natalia, Junior Editor of Pop Culture

This Valentine’s Day, I’ll be spending time at home with my immediate family because of the pandemic. I’ve never been in a proper relationship before, so that’s how I’ve spent most Valentine’s Days anyway. But my mom, in particular, has always made up for my non-existent love life by going out of her way to make the day special nonetheless with gifts, snacks, and cute cards. I’ve also been reading romance novels this month; namely, “The Princess Trap” by Talia Hibbert and “Written in the Stars” by Alexandria Bellefleur (highly recommend both). And to keep feeding my hopeless romantic heart, on Valentine’s day I’ll also watch some of my favorite romantic comedies. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, 10 Things I Hate About You, and The Love Birds are definitely on my docket for Valentine’s day paired with a glass of wine and chocolate-covered strawberries to top it all off.

Ebony, Junior Editor of Life

Self-love is the first and most important form of love. And I know while I haven’t been looking after myself constantly, this Valentine’s Day gives me a chance to reflect on that. Every year, my friends and I do a cute galentine’s day celebration. Last year, we watched To All The Boys 2: P.S I Still Love You, and so this year, it seemed fitting to watch part three. Let’s see if we actually end up watching the movie though, since the second one was a bit of a let down. But who doesn’t love a good Noah Centineo pick-me-upper? Along with the movie, we’re doing a bring-your-own pasta night, where each of us make our own pasta, revel in the beauty of the rom-com genre and just enjoy ourselves.

Maheen, Senior Editor of Love and Health

I’ve been single for 21 Valentine’s Days and we are continuing the tradition for the 22nd year! 😀 I am actually home for a Valentine’s Day for the first time in two years, so I’ll probably just bake some cookies with my mom, and curl up with a romance book and some hot chocolate. I’ve been reading so much of historical romance books, so I’ll continue to spend some time with a duke or some regency era scandal. Right now I am bingeing through Tessa Dare’s Spindle Cove series, and I hoping to reread some Lisa Kleypas classics when the weekend comes around.

Mishma, Senior Editor of The World

The worst Valentine’s Day I’ve had was when my ex didn’t wish me the entire day, got us discount burgers (that I ended up paying for), then he left me alone in his house while he went out drinking with his friends…so basically the bar is set low on what would make any future Valentine’s Day a good one! This year I plan to do nothing. I wish I had a tale of how I was going to buy myself flowers and watch cheesy rom-coms while binging on chocolate but, in all honesty, I will be spending 14 February 2021 like any other average day (with the added feature of trying to not obsess over why my crush isn’t texting me back). And it’s going to be amazing.

Kajal, Senior Editor of Now + Beyond 

This is the first Valentine’s day I’m away from home, and not spending it with family and friends, so I’ll really be focusing on self-love. I plan to take a walk through chilly London, grab some delicious takeout on the way back, and pop in for a game night with a few of my flat-mates. After that, I’ll get in bed with some chocolate, watch some Modern Family (my current obsession), some fanfiction, and an Agatha Christie Novel. Really, a perfect night for me.

Sahar, Senior Editor of Lookbook + Weddings

I’ve been single for every Valentine’s day and this year is no different! Luckily for me, my friends are in the same boat. Since I live in New Orleans, Valentine’s Day tends to overlap with Mardi Gras festivities. Last year, we were able to pass the day by watching the parades, but unfortunately due to the pandemic, that’s not an option this year. Our plan at the moment is to buy a large king cake, order a bunch of food, and watch as many cheesy romances as our hearts desire. 

Apoorva, Senior Editor of Life

Regardless of how you’re spending the day, we hope there’s time for a lil extra love somewhere in there!

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Health News Coronavirus Europe The World

Clapping has become the UK government’s new and absurd way to deal with national crisises

It’s no secret that the pandemic has been unprecedented. It has had an impact on every aspect of our lives and in some ways, completely changed the way we behave. Across the globe, governments have responded in extremely different ways. Islands like New Zealand and Australia immediately closed their borders. Countries in mainland Europe followed suit, however the long-term upkeep has been difficult.

As an island, I expected the UK to follow suit and close its borders. You cannot access the UK unless you sail or fly so it didn’t seem like an unreasonable response, however, the government is incompetent. And so, here we are one year on from the first cases detected in the UK and our NHS (National Health Service) is struggling, infection rates are rising, and we are in and out of lockdowns more than high schoolers in relationships.

The NHS was implemented after the Second World War to provide free healthcare to British and later EU citizens. To say it has been a lifesaver would not be giving it enough credit. So many of us in the UK would not be here without the NHS – and a future without it seems unimaginable.

So, how does the government deal with such a crucial institution during the time of a pandemic? Increase its funds? No. By clapping.

During the years before the pandemic, the Conservative government systematically cut funding to both the NHS and its workers. By the time the pandemic hit, the system was not in a place where it was able to cope with the increasing demand.

Junior doctors had been striking against increased hours without higher pay and the government refused to grant them better working conditions. Last March, both the NHS and the government put out the call asking for retired staff to come back to help- and they did en masse.

In appreciation, the government raised the salary of career politicians and began clapping weekly to show some gratitude to medical practitioners. The Covid cases, especially in the North of England, were rising steadily with well over 2,000,000 cases. The reproductive rate in the North of England had reached 1.5 – yet the government did not act.

It reached such a low point that a 100-year-old man, Sir Captain Tom Moore, an otherwise ordinary citizen who had fought in the Second World War, walked around his garden over the Summer as a means to raise money for the NHS. His goal was to raise £1000 by his 100th birthday, yet on the morning of his birthday, it was reported that he had raised well over £30 million. The NHS is not a charity, it does not depend on the donations of the public to keep going. The fact that a regular citizen felt compelled to raise money in this manner is awful. The work done by Sir Captain Tom Moore was amazing and he should be commended for it but it should not have been needed.

A few days ago, Sir Captain Tom Moore died from Covid-19; and in true British fashion, the government organized a national clap for him. Sir Tom was born prior to the creation of the NHS and had seen the suffering of a country without a national healthcare system firsthand. It is disrespectful to his memory that the UK government chose performative appreciation over actually helping the NHS in his memory.

The NHS is probably one of the only things Britain has to be proud of. The lack of care by the Government for the people who are the most vulnerable is pathetic. To suggest that the way to show appreciation is through clapping is insulting. So many frontline workers have put their lives on the line and haven’t received anything from the Government. The pandemic has near enough crippled the UK, at the time of writing, there were over 3,911,573 cases of COVID-19. With the 3rd lockdown in force, many self-employed and small business owners are struggling to provide for their families yet the Government are more interested in clapping than bringing an end to the pandemic.

The clapping needs to stop, and the Government needs to act.

 

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Coronavirus Race Science Now + Beyond

How the US government can encourage the Black community to trust the COVID-19 vaccine

It’s now been almost a year since the pandemic hit the US, and it has been well documented that the coronavirus is disproportionately impacting Black Americans. According to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Black people are almost 4 times as likely to be hospitalized due to COVID-19 complications and almost 3 times more likely to succumb in severe cases. Considering the harm the Black community has endured throughout the course of the pandemic, Black people should ideally be hopeful at the announcement of a vaccine, as it would mark a possible end to the widespread suffering.

In December, a vaccine was approved in the United Kingdom, and the UK government began slowly testing the vaccine on its citizens. Correspondingly, in the United States, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) had also approved Pfizer’s COVID vaccine, shortly after, which planned to enable millions of highly vulnerable Americans to receive emergency vaccinations within a few days. For some, vaccination approvals and distributions in the US, UK, and Canada was good news as it possibly signals some kind of return to normalcy in the future. However, vaccine rollout in America has been rather unsuccessful. The US federal government left decisions up to each state regarding how vaccine distributions would be handled, but many states are not equipped with the resources needed to be effective in medically treating their citizens.

On the other hand, many Black Americans have openly expressed skepticism on social media regarding whether they trust the newly developed COVID vaccine. Notably, these conversations of doubt in the vaccine were sparked after Letitia Wright’s exit from Twitter in December after she shared a conspiracy video attempting to “debunk” the legitimacy of the COVID-19 vaccine as well as Tiffany Haddish spreading misinformation about the vaccine recently on a social media app called Clubhouse.

Many people have rightfully criticized Wright’s and Haddish’s misuse of their large social media platforms in sharing misleading videos or information about the vaccine, as the two are seemingly encouraging their followers to mistrust science. At the same time, others empathized with the two women’s flawed logic, highlighting the need to finally address whatever skepticism Black people have towards the vaccine, why Black people are even skeptical, to begin with, and what can be done to ensure the Black community can eventually trust the efficacy of the coronavirus vaccine.

many Black people’s skepticism in the vaccine is justified given what we’ve endured at the hands of white governments.

As a response to people’s skepticism, public figures like Dr. Fauci and former president Obama pledged to take the vaccine in hopes the American populace could be confident in the government’s efforts toward combatting COVID. However, there must be more specific ways the US government can begin to ease distrust of science and medicine within the Black community, who are already an at-risk demographic, as a result of longtime systematic mistreatment towards our community; starting with an acknowledgment of the inherent and historical anti-Blackness within the American healthcare system.

For example, medical racism has proved to have life-threatening consequences for many of us, especially for Black women. The Black community has historically been used as test subjects without our consent, been experimented on, and experienced exploitation within the medical industry to further progress for vaccinations and other disease control methods. 

I don’t believe Black people are wrong to distrust science or medicine; in fact, I believe many Black people’s skepticism in the vaccine is justified given what we’ve endured at the hands of white governments. However, I also believe spreading misinformation is unethical. There are more effective ways we can have conversations surrounding science, medicine, and the trust-ability of white governments in a way that is not harmful. We can and should acknowledge the abuse our community has suffered, hold our individual beliefs (within good reason), and question the efforts or intentions of historically oppressive governments. But, at the same time, we should use logic when deciding if and when something is potentially harmful or not. 

In the same ways we can question our government’s intentions, we can also conduct research utilizing trusted and fact-checked sources and research the individuals who are confidently and publicly backing the COVID-19 vaccination. 

A vaccine announcement doesn’t mean the pandemic is over.

Furthermore, governments must prioritize restoring trust within the Black community to ensure the COVID-19 vaccine has a chance of effectiveness. The American Medical Association (AMA) suggests that “(1) All elected officials affirm evidence-based science and factual data at every turn. (2) The media, including social media platforms, to consistently convey factual information from credible sources while challenging and rejecting misinformation.”

If there is consistency and solidarity amongst American government officials in expressing the severity of this virus without perpetuating right-wing or religious conspiracy theories, it might encourage the more vulnerable communities to trust government-backed COVID-19 vaccines. Additionally, the medical community and prominent figures in science and medicine should specifically acknowledge and validate Black people’s skepticism. There needs to be an earnest acknowledgment that governments have failed the Black community and an expression of commitment towards restoring any lost trust going forward.

Notably, a vaccine announcement doesn’t mean the pandemic is over. Rather, a vaccine is just the first step toward combating the coronavirus. In addition, while waiting for the vaccine to be distributed, whether you plan on taking the vaccine or not, we can do our individual responsibility of wearing a mask, social distancing, and continuing to wash our hands. While it’s true that there have been systemic failures on behalf of many of our governments, we can also do our part while this pandemic persists by staying on top of coronavirus updates as well as spreading awareness and accurate, research-backed information within our own communities.

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Mental Health Health

Saying goodbye to a year filled with crippling anxiety

As 2020 descended upon us, I stood huddled in the midst of my friends, a sparkler waving in my left hand. Toasts were made. Hugs were shared. Laughter echoed through the winter air. Throwback songs and hips shaking, bodies shed of anxieties and tensions. Sparkling and fresh with the residue of hope.

There was glitter everywhere. The way you imagine a new year to begin. 

We all decided this will be our year. Joyous whispers of hope. As people usually do on new year’s eve. And the year commenced in all its greatness. Things were happening and dreams were written down, plans were made for holidays and life events, big changes to come. But nothing ever happened as we imagined, it usually never does. 

I only promised myself one thing for 2020 – that was to look after my mental health. And when the year began, I know I was trying. I was writing down all my little lists, tracking my wellness, exercising, creating. When the lockdown first hit, I was stuck. Completely dumbfounded by the reality around us. Everything felt other: walking on the street, watching Netflix, eating dinner.

My mental health was dwindling and I couldn’t do anything about it. I spent the first two months without meeting a single friend. I know I was lucky to have had my entire family safe and at home with me. But mental health works in peculiar ways and mine was crushing me. It was hard to do what once felt so normal, so easy, so mundane.

April and May were the lowest points when there wasn’t a single cent of hope lingering in the thick heat of Karachi. Days stretched deep into dreary nights and I continued to battle the demons of my mind. They wanted all of me, all the time and I couldn’t seem to find a way out. I didn’t write anything, draw anything, read anything. Most days, I used TV shows as a crutch to push my mind to oblivion. Because anything was better than feeling too much all the time.

June and July pushed me to do better. I starting creating again. And slowly, it became an obsession. I was drawing and writing and reading constantly, never looking up or looking back. It was my way of getting through things. I had to be getting better, right? I was trying at least. I know now that I was just going through the motions, albeit in a different way than before.

August, September and October came with growing anxiety. Things were better in the country but that also meant that everywhere I went, a shop or a restaurant or just outside, people were not wearing masks. There was a deep resistance against them and that made my head spin with counting the number of shopkeepers I interacted with that didn’t know how to wear a mask over their nose. But I was going and moving and doing some of the things I had so deeply missed. But along with that, came a deep yearning for the silence and the lull of the lockdown days. They seemed almost serene to me now. Ironic isn’t it, how we always dream of the days gone by?

With November, I stopped trying once again. I thought my depressive episode was simply that, an episode. But the more I tried to uncover what I was feeling, the more I realized I couldn’t get to the root of why. And having lived with it for so long, I should have known. Because once you fall, you continue to tumble into the darkness unless you’re actively working on yourself. I traveled, thinking being away would change how I felt. But it didn’t, it never does. No matter how much you try to run away from your mental health, the demons always find you. 

And now December comes to a crumbling end. Everywhere I look and breathe, there’s another case of the virus and my anxiety is constantly peaking. I fill my days with work, create a new project for when I’m free. Because if I’m not doing anything, I am encapsulated by a crippling and brutal form of anxiety. So I keep filling myself with tools I once thought made me whole and now I question whether any of it really means anything at all. My body feels heavy and I’m nauseous and exhausted and tired of always feeling this way. 

I don’t want to completely discount the year, because I know it had a lot of great things within it too. I found a new form of resilience and remembered what it felt like to have time to myself. I slowed down and maybe, I am now better for it.

The year of ashes and anxiety, of storybooks and archives, the year that will never be forgotten. It took so much and yet the one thing I know it gave me, was the reminder that I can do this. We can all do this.

So as the new year rings in, I can only hope to follow through with that lingering promise I made to myself back when the world was whole.

This year, there will be no glitter. No sparkles. No hugs. 

Just the silence of the clock passing over to another year of the unknown.

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