[Image Description: A boy in a refugee camp in Delhi during the Partition in 1947.] via Margaret Bourke-White, Life Magazine
Trigger warning: Mention of sexual violence.
Imagine you are living in the subcontinent in 1947 under British colonial rule. Imagine it is the last few months of India and Pakistan being one country. The Indian Independence Act declares the existence of the countries as two sovereign states. A border is about to be drawn through the center of your country. No one knows fully which city would fall on which side of the border. No one knows if the neighborhood they live in would be a part of Pakistan or India.
An atmosphere of anxiety and treachery pervades through the streets. Communities, once celebrating diversity where Hindus, Muslims, and Sikhs lived in harmony are suddenly painfully and awkwardly silent. Everyone is unsure of their allegiances. Religious bigotry is palpable in the streets and in Parliament alike. And then amidst all that uncertainty, Cyril Radcliffe draws an arbitrary border. Chaos breaks out. Mayhem takes over. Neighbors turn on each other. Your once-loved class fellow or colleague is suddenly the Other. And an unprecedented moment of violence in history ensues.
And amidst all that, imagine if you are a woman. Or even a girl. Imagine your family telling you to hide in the darkest corner of the house in the middle of the night, every time they hear a mob of rioters with their swords clinging pass your home. Your father tells you you might have to commit suicide with the other women of the neighborhood before the Other reaches you and taints your “honor.” Your father has already received a set of bangles at your house, his temper swelling at the mockery of his masculinity. He fears his “pure” bloodline may be contaminated if the enemy lays hands on you. Though your family might be displaced any minute, losing their home and all their belongings, their “honor” and pride resides in preserving your shivering body.
“Hundreds of women jumped into wells in order to protect their honor. But sometimes when they jumped into wells, they did not die because the wells were already brimming with dead bodies. Many men, Sikh and Muslim, would kill their wives to prevent them from being raped by the enemy. If the “enemy” was spotted at a distance, mothers would hide their girls under opaque surfaces.” Shakeela Khan*, a resident of Dehli and 10 at the time of the partition recalled her own experiences from the time as I interviewed her. “A lot of dramas have been made and novels published such as Dastaan have been published about this topic.” She continued to say.
The mention of Dastaan struck a chord with me. The television series, adapted from Razia Butt’s fictional novel by the name of Bano, that aired during my teen years was my first exposure to this alternative, grass-root history of my own country. Of course, the module of partition was always taught in rigorous detail in school. We were taught about Quaid-e-Azam, Allama Iqbal’s prophetic dream, and Gandhi’s peace-loving resilience. We were taught about colonial Britain’s divide and conquer policy. However, all of this was done in the light of a certain kind of nationalistic romanticism. The founders of the nation were at once established as heroes, to whom we owed our “independence” and life. The human cost of their decisions was carefully left out. Dastaan, however, chronicled the life of a girl who on the eve of her engagement is abducted and subsequently raped by an enemy mob. She eventually returns to her family years later where she no longer feels welcome.
It was then that I realized that somehow the nationalistic agenda of history failed to mention these many millions of women. Eventually, their stories were silenced at the state level. Real people and their real stories were hushed and shoved under the rug of martyrdom. The sheer dissonance between official history and real histories inspired me to pursue my undergraduate thesis in the narrative of silenced women during partition years later.
“Many women had to sacrifice their honor for our independent homeland,” Khan emphasized, careful to not use the actual word, “rape”. In fact, most of the interviewees I encountered often used euphemisms, all revolving around the word “honor”. “Yet, when these women returned to their families, they were often not accepted and sometimes sent back to their abductors.” Khan’s observations made one thing clear: though women were elevated to the status of martyr, they were certainly not rehabilitated or celebrated as war heroes are.
Such conversations raised some important questions for me: why was mass abduction and rape (of an estimated 75, 000 to 100, 000 women on both sides of the border) a weapon of choice? Was it because the enemies knew to hit where it hurts a patriarchal society the most? And why is mass rape so popular in history? From the rape of Nanjing in 1937 to the Partition of West Bengal in 1971, there are multiple other dark moments in history where this is a disproportionate number of atrocities committed against women.
[Image Description: A woman in a dark hijab turning around to smile at the viewer while standing amongst some flowers.] Via Muhammad Ruqi Yaddin on Unsplash.
We often talk about how the hijab is viewed negatively in the Western world. But I don’t think that many people realize that discrimination against the hijab doesn’t only happen in western society. In my experience, it also occurs in my home country, Pakistan, and my own family members are a part of the problem.
My sister and I started wearing the hijab when we were 15 and 13, respectively. For us, it seemed like a natural choice since we’d spent most of our childhood in Saudi Arabia, where the hijab was mandatory. When our family in Pakistan found out we still wore the hijab after moving to Canada in our teen years, they were ecstatic. They thought it was wonderful that we chose this for ourselves and praised us for making seemingly religious choices.
But that all changed when my sister turned 20 and someone tried to propose to her. Our mother rejected the engagement and it sparked a debate within our entire family. Most of them believed that more proposals would come her way if my sister took off her hijab. I still remember my mother arguing with our aunt who said that hijabs are only meant to look good on girls who are “white, thin, and pretty.” She thought that I was too dark and my sister was too fat, so we were ruining our prospects by sticking to our hijabs.
The worst part about all of this is that my aunt wasn’t entirely wrong. The hijab didn’t make men jump at the chance to marry us. Due to pressure from extended family members, my mother was constantly on the lookout for potential matches for my sister. But every guy who approached would run away just as fast once he heard that she wouldn’t be taking her hijab off for him.
After a while, my sister did it. She found a guy who seemed accepting of who she was and agreed to marry him after a year. Suddenly, the tune the family was singing changed, but not for the better. Everyone asked if she’d be taking her hijab off for the wedding and discussing how beautiful she would look in this or that hairdo. They tried to talk my mother into making my sister buy lehengas, which would show off her midriff and arms. This completely goes against the very purpose of wearing a hijab.
To reach a compromise with my family, I nominated myself as my sister’s makeup artist and hairstylist for the wedding day and began experimenting with different hijab styles. We naively thought that if we could show them that the hijab could be dolled up, they would accept her decision. They did not. In the end, when the engagement was broken off, they simply returned to their earlier comments about taking off the hijab to score a husband.
The sheer amount of criticism that came with all this has my sister unsure about whether she ever wants to have a wedding, let alone one in Pakistan with our family. It hurt to watch my sister try and deal with the harsh judgment and then come to realize that her opinions hold no value in our community. It hurts more to think that other Pakistani brides might have to put up with the same level of harassment all over one headscarf.
My sister was always much more staunch in her love of the hijab. Truth be told, I started wearing it on the condition that it would be pink and glittery. If you asked me just two years back, I might have given in to the family pressure and agreed to take off my hijab for my wedding.
Yet, knowing the struggle and judgment that comes with making a choice has given me an appreciation for the fact that it was a choice. However petty my reason is, it is my choice to put on the hijab, and I will be damned if I let someone else try to make decisions about my body and my attire for that one day in my life.
Now I can say with confidence that I will not be taking my hijab off for my wedding.
[Image Description: Women protest in Pakistan.] Via Aurat March Facebook
TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault/Rape
The #MeToo movement has been monumental around the world. It has, however, achieved little in Pakistan. To its credit, the movement has helped open up important conversations about sexual harassment and discrimination against women in the country. In recent years, we have seen an increase in the number of women that have spoken up about their experiences of sexual harassment and publicly outed their harassers. However the problem lies within the responses to these accusations, which remains to be mixed.
The movement made its way to Pakistan in 2018, when singer, Meesha Shafi accused her colleague Ali Zafar of sexual harassment on multiple occasions. Despite court proceedings, there was no visible outcome in the case. Both singers filed defamation suits against one another.
Since then several other “reputable” media personalities have been accused of sexual harassment, but these accusations were once again met with mixed reactions. Some people immediately question why the victim chose to come forward so many years later. And often times victims are slut-shamed and accused of seeking fame or attention for personal gains.
The backlash against #MeToo heightened the fears of many women forcing them to stay silent about their experiences of harassment. Feminism is largely dismissed as a Western concept by not just the masses but the state premier himself. Pakistan is one of the lowest-ranked countries in the world in terms of gender equality. All forms of violence against women are extremely prevalent. Each year an estimated 1000 women are killed by their families over damaged honor. When the situation is so dire, victims expect little to no empathy or justice.
Victims who have dared to speak have found themselves confronting the stringent cybercrime law that was enacted to protect “women” from online harassment. The 2016 Prevention of Electronic Crimes Act allows the government to access user data, censor content, and criminalize certain forms of communication. The bill was labeled “a clear and present danger to human rights” by Human Rights Watch. Victims often take on pseudonyms or anonymously report experiences of sexual assault on social media.
Whilst many supporters had been disillusioned by the slow progress of the movement, the recent motorway rape incident in Lahore shook the country to its core. A woman was traveling from Lahore to Gujranwala when her car stalled on the motorway. While she waited to receive assistance from the police, she was interjected by two armed men who saw the woman alone with her children took advantage of the situation. The woman was raped by multiple assailants at gunpoint, and her valuables were also taken away.
The incident on its own was enough to spark a resurgence in the #MeToo movement. What further fueled people’s anger was the police chief’s attempt to blame the victim for the assault. His statement was met with demands for his removal along with reform in the way police respond to sexual violence.
Unfortunately, however, it has been over a month since the incident occurred and little has changed. In fact, in recent weeks we have witnessed a surge in the number of rape cases reported. In some cases, harassers have been arrested and are undergoing investigation.
According to official statistics, at least 11 rape cases are reported in Pakistan everyday with over 22,000 rape cases reported to the police in the last six years. However, only 77% of the accused are convicted, which makes up only 0.3% of the total figure. Police officials have pointed out that only half of the rape cases are registered, which means that the actual figure of rape cases could be as high as 60,000 in the last five years.
The motorway rapists have been caught but rape happens daily in Pakistan. The Current is starting a tally of rape cases which are reported in news outlets on a daily basis to see how many happen in a day. We have used many different sources as listed. When will it stop? pic.twitter.com/pxwqf0AdZf
Whilst, the motorway incident sparked the resurgence of the #MeToo movement, the events that followed have once again brought the movement and its role in Pakistan in question. It appears as though the movement has remained largely unsuccessful because we have yet to see a reformation of women’s rights in the country. However, the problem here is a larger one. Perhaps, the problem lies in the mindsets of the masses. Surely, #MeToo can encourage victims of sexual abuse and sexual harassment to speak up about their experiences. However, when the mindsets of the society on the whole are instilled with misogynistic patterns. There is little a movement can change.
[Image description: A collage of six stills from different Pakistani dramas depicting various characters.] Images property of respective publishing houses, collage property of The Tempest
Growing up, my siblings and I would sing the theme songs of Pakistani dramas (which mostly consisted of crying!) to my mom and grandmother to annoy them. But over the years, a lot changed.
When I graduated from high school, I suddenly found myself secretly streaming Pakistani dramas online because I missed hearing them as background noise at home. And it wasn’t until I caught my roommate in freshman year secretly watching a show I liked that I finally admitted I too enjoy watching Pakistani serials.
Pakistani dramas are no longer my secret, guilty pleasure. I now openly embrace the fact that I like them, better than American television even. Pakistani dramas have been seriously on point lately, from breaking stigmas of mental health and divorce, to addressing and covering marital abuse and LGBTQ+ issues, Pakistani dramas are becoming woke and I am totally here for it.
Here are my top 13 picks you should binge. Not only do they have strong storylines but also soundtracks you’ll fall in love with.
[Image description: Udaari official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via HUM TV
Udaari. meaning to fly in Urdu, broke various barriers and stigmas with its premier, especially with its focus on tackling child abuse. It depicts the lives of multiple characters with varying stories touching upon issues of social class, economic marginalization, abuse, and following unorthodox career paths such as singing. The story contrasts between urban and rural life, centering around two neighboring families in a village as well as four friends in the city of Lahore, highlighting the fractures present when it comes to navigating pressing issues like sexual assault and the like.
[Image description: Jackson Heights official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via Zee TV USAWith migration and immigration to the United States being at an all-time high in the 1990s and early 2000s comes Jackson Heights, a drama based on the ethnic neighborhood in Queens, New York City. Jackson Heights is known as a South Asian neighborhood with a high South Asian population in New York the show leverages this to show the transition and struggles many face when moving to a new country. It revolves around four main characters who struggle with relationships and survival. It reminds Pakistanis that moving abroad does not solve financial issues and that those who move do not live a Hollywood or glamorous lifestyle.
[Image description: Kaisa Hai Naseeban official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via ARY Digital
This show, which loosely translates to “different types of one’s fate”, focuses on marital abuse. Mariam, the main character, is married to her cousin, the son of her father’s sister. As she married within the family and now lives abroad, her father assumed she would be treated well. However, Mariam faces abuse and battles with her fear of leaving her marriage because it would hurt her father and label her a divorcee. With divorce being a huge stigma in Pakistan, the show focuses on this taboo being used as a mechanism of power and control within a marriage.
[Image description: Baaghi official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via Urdu 1
Baaghi, or rebel, is a dramatic show based on the controversial and famous Pakistani social media star Qandeel Baloch. Baloch was killed in an honor killing by her brother in 2016. The show sheds light on this issue and focuses on the struggles and hardships she faced to provide for her family and what her life was like behind her online persona. Within a week of its launch, Baaghi became the most-watched Pakistani drama being viewed by Pakistanis globally on YouTube. It is known as one of the most controversial and talked about shows ever produced in the country.
[Image description: Alif Allah Aur Insaan official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via Hum TV
Alif Allah Aur Insaan revolves around five different people from five different backgrounds and their different views on faith. The show’s name meaning “A, Allah, and Human” highlights what religion is alongside what hard work and determination can achieve. It focuses on different issues within faith such as honesty, trust in God, and doing what is right. While the show received positive reviews from viewers it also received harsh reviews from critics on its length for being one of the longest Pakistani dramas with 44 episodes. Critics argued audiences would lose interest if the show dragged on the lives of its characters, yet Alif Allah Aur Insaan was a crowd hit.
[Image description: Cheekh official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via ARY Digital
This crime and suspense-filled drama focuses on the corruption within the criminal justice system of Pakistan. Cheekh (Scream) revolves around a woman speaking up against injustice and the consequences that follow. The heartwrenching drama shows us the reality of why many women do not speak up against abuse and the unfortunate truth that money can buy out justice in many cases. Saba Qamar, as the lead character Mannat, does not disappoint as an example of a strong and determined advocate for truth and justice, despite the costs.
[Image description: Hania official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via ARY Digital
Another show on marital abuse, Hania focuses on the life of main character Hania, a very simple girl married to a con artist. She faces domestic violence but is afraid to speak up not only because of her husband’s influential and criminal background but in fear it will affect her sister’s marriage prospects as well. It addresses the stigma of divorce and the cultural stereotypes of how a wife “should” behave and be loyal. The story is meant to shed light on real-life situations on how girls like Hania handle abuse and are victimized. It depicts not only marital abuse but the trauma, depression, and PTSD that follows. Hania is not for the faint of heart and can be triggering for survivors of abuse.
[Image description: Khaani official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via Geo TV
Khans are notorious in Pakistan to be headstrong and brave of heart. This drama centers around protagonist Sanam Khan, nicknamed Khaani by her family. A tragic incident separates Sanam from her twin brother Sarim and brings her face to face with Sarim’s murderer, rich brat Mir Hadi. The show depicts the bravery Sanam possesses in staying true to her values and morals, despite the threats and intimidations Mir Hadi brings, in her pursuit for justice.
[Image description: Beti official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via ARY Digital
Beti, meaning daughter in Urdu, focuses on the harsh reality that many still believe, that having a daughter is a burden. Beti follows the tale of Maryam, a university student raised by a single mother, who falls in love with her classmate Azhar and they both hope to get married. However, Azhar comes from a conservative family who does not value women, he warns her of his tyrannical grandmother and how his family is nothing like hers. Despite this warning, Maryam marries Azhar and is put to the ultimate test when she discovers she is pregnant with a girl.
[Image description: Bhool official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via ARY Digital
Bhool, meaning mistake, focuses on the harsh reality that people never forgive or forget mistakes made by women in society. It addresses the “what will people say mentality” and the idea that women are the honor of a family. The story revolves around protagonist Aiman who runs away from home on her wedding night to marry her classmate, only to come back days later divorced and pregnant. She faces the hardships of raising a child on her own and being constantly reminded that she made a mistake. Years later, her “mistake” begins to affect her daughter’s future as people question her legitimacy.
[Image description: Malaal E Yaar official poster depicting the main characters of the show.] Via HUM TV
Malaal E Yaar, loosely translating to a “regretful or remorseful frienship”, is a drama based on the feudal system of Pakistan. It focuses on the tribal tradition of early arranged marriages at birth. The main character is promised to a cousin at a young age which makes her mother leave the family and raise her two daughters alone. Years down the line, when fate reconnects her with her familial roots she is unknowingly forced to marry to uphold family rituals. The show depicts the patriarchal system of many tribal areas where women are given no right to their own bodies.
[Image description: Ruswai official poster depicting the main character of the show.] Via ARY DigitalAccording toRuswai’s director, Rubina Ashraf, the purpose of the show is to address the issue that we raise sons, but as a country, we do not always raise good men. Ruswai, meaning stigma, begins with what you would think is a typical “watta satta” storyline or when two siblings marry two other siblings. It takes a turn when tragedy hits both families days after a wedding. Sameera who was to marry Salman, her sister-in-law’s brother, is kidnapped. She then returns days later, beaten and traumatized. The family refuses to take her to a hospital and Salman has yet to come to see her. This is another show focused on a woman being considered her family’s honor.
[Image description: Rishtay Biktay Hain promo depicting the main character of the show.] Via ARY DigitalAlthough laws have been passed in regards to dowry over the years, it still remains a prevalent issue in many South Asian cultures. Rishtay Biktay Hain (Relationships Are For Sale) addresses the issues of dowry and marriage as a means to climb the social ladder. It focuses on one family with three sons all interested in marriage only to further their own agenda. It depicts the harsh reality that many parents are even willing to sell themselves in hopes that their daughters will have a happy married life.
[Image Description: Woman wears sunglasses in bridal wear.] via Pexels
Yikes, it’s not a nightmare. Wake up and look in the mirror.
Trust no aunty? Girllll, you’re officially the aunty.
1. You secretly watch Desi dramas and serials.
[Image description: Indian woman wearing traditional Indian attire and jewelry looking shocked expression. Her face is zoomed in with dramatic camera flash.] via Giphy
The days of making fun of those dreaded Desi dramas is over. Your guilty pleasure is watching South Asian TV serials, zoomed in dramatic faces and all. When someone catches you, blame it on your mom. Yeah, she definitely forced you.
2. You want to play matchmaker for all your friends.
[Image description: Indian woman with an uncomfortable look on her face turning her head. The caption underneath depicts someone saying “Don’t worry, we will find a good boy for you.] via Giphy
At one point in time, you avoided the rishta aunties that had nothing to do but sat “you’re next” at gatherings… but now YOU ARE ONE. You just can’t wait to see all your friends get married.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married or have a significant other, but you need to find them someone so you can attend some festive events.
3. You have begun partaking in community gossip.
[Image description: Woman wearing a black T-shirt standing in front of a bar saying the word drama slowly to emphasize the word. Image has the word drama appear in all capital letters as she says it.] via Giphy
You know, the same gossip you hated to hear when your mom brought it up. It now fuels you. You low-key love hearing about the community gossip, especially when you’re not involved.
4. You make everything a big deal.
[Image description: Woman in traditional Indian attire covering her ears with her hands. Her eyes are closed and she is shaking her head crying, “nahi” which means “no” in Hindi.] via Giphy
Cue the Bollywood music, you are about to put on a show. Did that really happen? Nooooooo, it couldn’t have.
5. You love yelling for no reason.
[Image description: A little girl wearing a pink headband is saying, “why is she shouting?” She is squinting her eyes and holding her ear. There is a little boy in the background looking at her.] via GiphyRemember the days you would complain that all your parents do is yell? Well, little children now complain about you. Why are you yelling on that Facetime call- they can hear you fine. Your voice is getting louder each day and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
6. You can’t keep up with the latest slang…
[Image description: An older woman in pink traditional clothes is asking a younger woman ‘What are you saying’. She speaks as she is gesturing her hands while the other woman moves her head in confusion. ] via Giphy
Times have changed. You used to think you were so cool when you’d say things like “lit”, “YOLO”, “slay” and “bye Felicia.” The days when you knew and understood current slang is over. You used to explain what “LOL” meant to your family, now you barely know what “GOAT” means.
7. …but you say things like…
[Image description: Indian actress and singer Madhuri Dixit, with mid-length brown hair curled, sits on a sofa in a pink sari batting her eyelashes while saying “oh ho.” ] via Giphy
You find yourself incorporating Desi terminology into English sentences when speaking to your Desi friends. You may not even remember the English word for something, but know the perfect Desi one to use. You find yourself saying things like “oh ho,” “hain,” and “oof” often.
8. You find yourself disagreeing with Generation Z and, later, maybe even lecturing them.
[Image description: Indian woman with hand on her ear and moving around like she is dizzy. ] via Giphy
Kids these days… You can’t believe what the younger generations are doing. Eating Tide pods as a challenge? Remember when your parents would start a story with, “when I was your age?” Well now, you’re in that boat. You might find yourself lecturing younger family members or friends on things you did when you were their age.
9. Suddenly, you’ve developed a taste for chai.
[Image description: Milk being poured into a cup of tea. ] via Giphy
When you were younger, you didn’t quite get the obsession your parents had with tea. Suddenly, you’ve developed a taste for it. It begins slow with a sip or two not tasting so bad, then gradually increases to you making a habit of having a daily cup of warm chai.
10. You have a bedtime and physically can’t stay up past it.
[Image description: Animated woman in green dress collapsing onto a bed in her sleep.] via Giphy
The days you could pull all-nighters and stay up all night are gone. You have secretly given yourself a bedtime. You’d rather be cozy in bed and get a good amount of sleep than stay out all night partying.
11. You say the same things your mom used to say to you.
[Image description: Two Indian women, one elder and one younger move their hands up and down looking irritated.] via Giphy
You have begun saying the same things your mom used to say to you. You catch yourself often sounding just like her when talking to your younger siblings or cousins.
12. You’ve started judging people’s clothes at weddings.
[Image description: An older Indian woman in a red sari with gray hair points her index finger while saying something.] via Giphy
You never thought you’d do this but you find yourself judging people’s clothes at weddings. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a negative thing, you could be admiring them. But overall, going to a wedding can mean checking out outfits for you to pick apart to design the perfect addition for your own wardrobe.
You begin finding inspiration for your own closet by mixing and matching other people’s outfits in your head.
13. You find yourself cleaning…for fun.
[Image description: A woman wearing a red striped shirt, jeans, and headphones dances as she sweeps and dusts the living room. Her hair, tied in a ponytail, falls over the front of her face as she cleans] via Giphy
You no longer dread cleaning. Sometimes you like to just take a day to clean up the house and make it look presentable. You may even find yourself complaining, no one helps you clean, but the real question is do you even let them? You’re beginning to like cleaning and think you do it best.
14. To your surprise, you actually love daal.
[Image description: A hand is sprinkling coriander over yellow lentil curry in a gray bowl. Other spices are depicted in the back of the image.] via Giphy
When you were younger, it was the worst day ever when your mom decided to cook daal instead of biryani for dinner. But now, it’s not so bad. Easy to cook and kinda yummy, you find yourself liking daal and other vegetable dishes you hated as a kid.
15. Finally, your rotis are round.
[Image description: A spatula is used to press on a roti (wheat flour flatbread) while it is cooking on a stove. The roti expands and fills with air as it cooks. ] via Giphy
When that annoying aunty asks you if you can make round rotis, you can now answer yes. You have mastered the round and fluff roti. You take pride in it. You own it, not only does it look great, but you know it tastes good.
16. And you love feeding people.
[Image description: An Indian woman pats down flour in a measuring cup attempting to follow a recipe.] via Giphy
You find yourself taking on the characteristics of your parents. The tradition of them wanting to feed all your friends to food coma continues with you. You love feeding people when they come over, whether it’s home cooked or take out you don’t let anyone leave hungry.
17. You’d rather talk on the phone than text.
[Image description: Indian woman with glasses holds a phone and shakes her head in disapproval. ] via Giphy
You prefer to call friends on the phone over texting. It seems easier to share stories verbally than text. When something big happens it makes more sense to you to call your friends for a quicker reaction than text and wait. Why send a long text message when you can pick up the phone and call?
18. Your form of exercise is walking around the neighborhood.
[Image description: Four older women exercising by swinging their arms as they power-walk on the sidewalk. ] via Giphy
You thought it was cute seeing those Desi aunties power-walk around the neighborhood swinging their arms in a sari. Now, you’re one of them. Whether it’s accompanying your mom, aunt or grandmother on a walk or going alone, you have joined the neighborhood aunty walking club.
19. You’ve started threatening annoying kids with a chappal.
[Image description: Four different women’s feet with varying colored sandals being taken off. ] via Giphy
The scariest moment of your childhood was when your mom threatened to hit you with a chappal (slip-on sandal). You promised yourself you’d never do that to your own kids or anyone else. But now, you find yourself unintentionally using the same threats.
Your little brother bothering you? Your first instinct is to threaten to hit him with YOUR chappal.
20. Your dance moves have gotten, um, “better.”
[Image description: An Indian woman wearing a pink sari dancing enthusiastically on a beach. ] via Giphy
You used to be shy to hit the dance floor during weddings or other functions. Whether it was because you didn’t have dance moves or cared what the aunties would say about you, you just didn’t feel like dancing. As you’ve gotten older that care is out the window. Your dance moves have gotten better and even if they haven’t, you don’t care, you’re gonna be the first one on the floor for all the aunties to stare.
Move over and make some noise, the Desi girl is coming through.
P.S. Being an aunty doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
[Image description: An Indian woman wearing traditional clothing while smiling and dancing Bhangra with Indian men dancing behind her. The words “Party Time” are printed on the center bottom of the image. ] via Giphy
Embrace the change. Party it up.
As much as you may hate on the awful aunties in your community and on yourself for becoming an aunty, you know it was inevitable. Let’s face it. You low-key know you wouldn’t want it any other way.
The aunties in your community made you who you are today. Who says you need to be one of the awful ones? Change the stereotype of the hating aunties and get yourself a woke squad. Be a proud, woke, feminist, bamf aunty that younger girls will look up to.
Let’s change the typical aunty from a judgmental woman you want to avoid to a woman you want to have as part of your life.
[Image description: Woman dressed in bridal clothes stares at the camera.] Photo by Aa Dil on Unsplash
1. You’re constantly dealing with prying relatives.
[Image description: A boy wearing a red sweatshirt is getting out of a car and looking at a large group of people waiting for him, a lot of them holding cameras and phones.] Via Giphy
It doesn’t matter that you haven’t met these people for years or maybe never at all, they fully believe they have every right to ask you the most personal questions and be all up in your business from the minute they see you.
2. Your parents go through a whole personality change.
[Image description: A woman in a white turtleneck with a bob haircut looks concerned as she says “Look, doc, I really don’t understand how her whole personality could change.”] Via Giphy
The same parents of yours who will only want to eat one particular brand of cheese or refuse to drink coffee if it’s not from their favourite brand at home, will suddenly call you out on your preferences as “having airs” and being “high-minded” to show their relatives how down-to-earth they still are while the kids have been spoiled.
3. It’s unorganized. Deal with it.
[Image description: A busy street intersection with no streetlights or signs has a large number of cars going in every direction haphazardly.] Via Giphy
You actually thought people stood in lines? Or stopped at red lights? Where do you think you are?
4. You learn to love street food again.
[Image description: A black blob-like creature with a white face mask is exclaiming “I want to eat everything!” in front of a large feast of delicious looking food] Via Giphy
The cornucopia of delicious street food that you won’t find anywhere else in the world is enough to turn anyone into a foodie.
5. You have to get used to the environment – fast.
[Image description: A shaky camera view of a street at night with a lot of chaos and people running around] Via Giphy
There’s going to be a lot of noise, a whole lot of pollution and tons of mess and inconveniences. Things locals don’t even notice, and if you’re there long enough, you won’t either.
6. The blackouts.
[Image description: A woman in hospital scrubs says “You got to be kidding me!” as the lights go off in the hospital room and then a city wide view of a blackout hitting the entire city.] Via Giphy
There’s going to be rolling blackouts, usually several times a day and for quite a few hours. It’s pretty much the way of life there. Nothing you can do about it.
7. Political correctness is not a thing.
[Image description: A man in a suit standing in front of a mic proudly says “I’m not politically correct.” and laughs] Via Giphy
You know that thing about not being racist or sexist or prejudiced? Yeah, that doesn’t exist. You’ll often find people making judgemental statements without batting an eye. They might even get offended if you tell them it’s wrong.
8. You have to meet relatives you didn’t even know existed.
[Image description: A man yells and throws up his hands as he gets knocked down by a large group of people running toward him] Via Giphy
They’re going to be coming from everywhere. The distant cousins, the aunts and uncles, the relatives of relatives. And you’ll have meet and greets with all of them.
9. You have to deal with complete strangers the same way you would with family.
[Image description: A young boy in a blue T-shirt turns back while leaving and says “Wait a minute, who are you?”] Via Giphy
You mean you don’t remember your dad’s second cousin’s neighbor aunty? She took care of you all the time when you were 3 months old!
10. Your marriage or lack thereof is open to discussion by ANYONE.
[Image description: A woman wearing a black dress is saying “Find you some business of your own.”] Via Giphy
People you haven’t seen for years will have no qualms about asking you right out why you aren’t married, when you’re getting married, why don’t you have kids, or want more kids than you have already.
11. Your every move is going to be observed.
[Image description: Two women are looking very closely at something while one eats a sandwich and holds a plate while the other puts on her glasses for a better look.] Via Giphy
People are going to be watching you like hawks, waiting for the first thing they can criticize or make a point about.
12. You’re expected to pay for everything.
[Image description: A man in a business suit is exclaiming “I declare bankruptcy!”] Via Giphy
You’re automatically expected to pick up the check wherever you go. After all, you’re the one who brought your fancy ass back from abroad.
13. You’re resented by your relatives for being different, while also held as an example for their kids.
[Image description: A woman in a black and red dress and hoop earrings looks away appearing very confused.] Via Giphy
They don’t like the fact that you are different. Then other times they’re telling their kids to be more like you. It can be very confusing and not always logical.
14. You don’t want to see the “posh” places everyone wants to show you.
[Image description: A woman in an off white top and bikini bottoms spins and smiles and walks happily on the beach.] Via Giphy
Your relatives are going to try to show you the fancy restaurants and hangouts, and you really won’t care because you’ve seen a hundred of those where you came from. Show me the dhabas, the roadside restaurants that serve the best niharis, and the open beaches.
That’s the stuff I’m interested in.
15. Pushy salesmen.
[image description : A woman in a blue dress is saying devastatingly “For god’s sake, go away! leave me alone] via giphyPeople who try to sell you stuff in the streets won’t easily take no for an answer, and will actually follow you down the road to get you to buy something.
16. You get offered more food than any human can consume.
[Image description: A woman sitting at a dining table is tasting whatever she can as a lot of food dances past her.] Via Giphy
The hundred relatives you have to visit will offer you so much food, with so much enthusiasm, that even though it’s not humanly possible for anyone to eat that much, you’ll feel guilty about turning it down.
17. You learn weird and funny things about your parents’ past.
[Image description: A man in a blue shirt holds up a picture of the man opposite him in a goatee and says “This goatee.” and the man in front of him in a white shirt responds “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I look like my own evil twin.”] Via Giphy
You’re going to hear the strangest stories about your parents from relatives, like the time your dad snuck out of the house to watch a movie when he should have been studying, or the time your mom glued flowers to her hair and then couldn’t get them off.
18. If you follow all the rules, you’re too naïve (read: stupid).
[Image description: A woman wearing a black sleeveless dress says “Are you really so naive? Do you really think that things just work out for the best?”] Via Giphy
Nobody has ‘high-minded ideas’ like insisting you should be on time for things or queueing in line and waiting for your turn.
19. Your fluency in your native language or your general knowledge about your country are treated like academic achievements.
[Image description: A huge crowd of people sitting at church pews applaud emphatically] Via Giphy
There’s this belief that kids who’ve lived abroad are:
1. Always bad at their native language,
2. And have very little knowledge of their home country.
So, if you show the least bit of aptitude in either one people are going to be surprised and treat you like you’ve won some secret contest.
20. The hugs are coming, and you can’t escape.
[Image description: A bunch of people is all joining in on a group hug.] Via Giphy
Personal space is not a thing. People are going to hug you, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not, you’re being hugged. Otherwise you might seriously offend them or even cause an argument. Just grin and bear it.
21. The meninists. All of the meninists.
[Image description: An image of a woman wearing a dress and yelling is brought closer to reveal she is holding a sign that says “I can’t believe I’m still protesting this shit.”] Via Giphy
You’re going to have to deal with men, even if they’re only 16, mansplaining the simplest things to you or expecting you to not be able to handle yourself because you’re female.
The worst part is that not all meninists are going to be men. Some women are just as emphatic about being anti-feminist.
22. Even very young kids will have full-blown political opinions.
[Image description: A group of three children is sitting around a table looking concerned while the girl in between says “Now, my plan is to divide up into three research teams. We will present our argument based on -“] Via Giphy
You might overhear a conversation among very young kids, and it will be an all-out, highly opinionated, and heated debate about some political issue.
23. Everything is inexpensive. Everything.
[Image description: A woman in a red dress comes into a room holding a lot of shopping bags in both hands.] Via Giphy
The discounts and prices you will find things at will amaze and delight you.
24. The mangoes.
[Image description: Three lines of mangoes keep scrolling while between them you see the words “Fresh Jams” and “Good Vibes” alternately] Via Giphy
The only explanation possible for them is that beams of sunshine and rainbows got together to make the heavenly fruit that are the mangoes of Pakistan.
25. Everyone speaks a language that you understand.
[Image description: A man wearing a suit looks very pleased as he says “You get me” to a guy in front of him] Via Giphy
There’s something very comforting that there is no language barrier. This entire populace speaks a language you know and is yours.
[ Image Description: Woman in South Asian wedding apparel smiling gleefully.] via PANTENE HUM BRIDAL COUTURE WEEK 2018
The hype around a wedding in Pakistani society is unreal.
It is as if the entire world is waiting for that one event of your life and your whole upbringing leads up to it. The multi-billion dollar wedding industry is huge, comprising of thousands of designers, makeup artists, jewelers, and photographers.And they all come at a hefty price. Everybody is racing to get that dress from that one top-notch designer. Bookings are done a year in advance for the best makeup artists.
The bride needs to look perfect the setting has to be magnificent and the pictures should be enough to share on your facebook for the next few years.
But what if the bride wishes to wear a hijab? Hide her beautiful locks on the big day? GASP.
Is it really that unfathomable? Yes.
You’d think in Pakistan, a Muslim country, this would be more common, but it really is not. Even people who wear the hijab generally don’t do so at their weddings due to cultural standards of beauty.
“How are you going to look beautiful without your hair showing?” “The jewelry must show. What is a bride without showing off her earrings and necklace?” “Your face will shrink if you wear the hijab and your makeup won’t even look that good”.
This is what you would expect to hear if you ever decide on announcing to your family that you plan on wearing a hijab on your big day.
This concept of what an ideal bride should look like is set in stone, and I had to fight quite a lot to get my way and go against the norm. It’s interesting: this idea of the perfect bride with a heavy outfit, flowing locks of hair, jewelry, hands full of henna and a few pounds of makeup.
Anything not following that pattern is seen as scandalous.
People kept asking me, “Isn’t it okay if you let go of the hijab just for a day?” I was adamant on not doing so. How does one fight for their personal right to wear whatever they want when everybody around them is in opposition to it?
After ignoring most of the snarky comments passed on to me by relatives and friends, I started the hunt for the perfect style of hijab for my face and was intent on looking as fabulous as I could.
Woman wearing pink saree looking shocked via giphy
Finding a hijab stylist was not easy.
After a lot of Instagram hunting, I found one who was just perfect. With tonnes of heavy work on my bridal dress carrying an additional layer on my head was tough. There were quite a few pins inserted onto my head so my scarf would not fall off.
There was a lot of pressure on me because I wanted to show people that beauty comes in many forms.
In the end, I looked beautiful and I loved it.
I did hear a few oohs and aahs from the crowd, but there were also people who admired my courage to wear the hijab and told me so.
I couldn’t be happier.
Woman gives herself a high-five. Via Giphy
I wonder how we have reached this stage of extravagance. These cultural standards are so different from our religion that it’s astonishing. Islam encourages the simplest of weddings, no burden on anybody. Feed a few loved ones and the poor. That is all.
In the end, it’s all about confidence. Wear what you want on your big day and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
[Image Description: Photo of a couple holding hands taken from the elbow-down. A girl is on the right wearing red and a guy
is on the left wearing traditional South Asian clothing.] Photo by Saad on Unsplash
If you aren’t learning anything new, you are probably dead (or close to it). Every new experience or change in circumstance should teach you something. Something that will better your life, help you grow, help you become the best you can be!
There hasn’t been as significant a change in my life since I got married. Frankly, before then I was pretty much cruising along the same well-trodden path utterly secure in my bubble. Life took a 180-degree turn for me after I signed my marital contract and boy what a journey has it been!
I have learned a lot in the last four years; being able to cook and clean somewhere on the list. But amongst these essential life skills, I have learned how to sustain a life-long relationship; one that is ever changing.
1. Respect works both ways.
In a stereotypical Pakistani marriage, the husband commands all the respect. Don’t shout at your spouse, don’t argue back, done look at him with anger, refer to him with respect and never disagree.
Well, guess what, the same rules apply to women too. Don’t shout at your wife, don’t look at her with anger, always refer to her with respect. You can disagree with her but only within the confines of civility. Because you married a person, you did not inherit a slave.
If you think you deserve respect just because you wear the pants then think again. To make a marriage work, respect is the ultimate bottom line. Because if you can’t respect a person, there is no point in spending the rest of your life with them.
2. Your problems are like your dirty laundry: not for the world to see.
This is a continuation of the above. Respect yourselves enough to keep your problems to yourselves. If I tell my mother about a fight with my husband, she will listen and advise me to be better. But the matter won’t close there. While I may move on and forgive my husband (which I inevitably will), my mother will always remember what happened and may form an opinion of him that I would not want her to have.
Secondly, other people, no matter how close they may be to you, may treat your issues like gossip. You may be angry at your spouse for not buying you an expensive pair of shoes, but you won’t be mad forever. And you will not like it when your friends start referring to him as a cheapskate.
The point is, there should be no room for a third person in your marriage, especially not as a confidante because that will only harbor resentment in the long run.
3. Life is not a corporation, it’s a partnership.
One person cannot make all the decisions. Especially not when the outcome of the said decision effects the two of you. This is not a corporation where the board hires a CEO to direct its employees. This is life, and real life requires a strong partnership because life sucks at times. You both need to be in it together.
It’s not fair that one person gets to call all the shots. Its definitely not fair if the other has to deal with the burden of a bad or ill thought out decision. Maybe your spouse has an insight you didn’t consider before; maybe they may have an alternate solution. You should respect them enough to consider their input or at least their stake in the dilemma.
4. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong: Your spouse needs to know you have their back.
Life sucks. It isn’t easy nor is it supposed to be. You will come across situations that will force you out of your comfort zones. Things will get hard, maybe even unbearable, but what helps you get through is knowing that you are not alone in this. Imagine being targeted by the whole world and not one person is in your corner. Imagine the one person who you have dedicated spending your life with turns their back on you.
You need to know that, no matter what, your spouse has your back. You may be right, you may be wrong, but you need that security. And vice versa. Your spouse needs to be confident in the fact that you will be there for him no matter what. Because life can get long and hard, and what is the point of being married if you are not there for each other?
[Image Description: A photo of a woman with her hand in the camera.] Via Unsplash
Being a yes person is almost never a good thing. There was a point in my life when I thought it was. Every year, people tell me to be stronger. Be braver. To learn how to say no. And I’m trying, I swear. But it isn’t that easy when you aren’t built that way. When the nod of your head comes more easily than the formation of an n and o by your mouth.
In Pakistan, girls are meant to be submissive. Pakistanis like meek girls. They like girls that hide their gaze and shyly smile at you from a distance. But the ones that shake their heads, the ones that defy the norms, god we hate them. They should be ostracised, they say. I used to always say yes. It was as if it were built in my bones. But somehow, I became part of the latter group. The girls that were too loud, the girls whose voices rose when they were shushed. It’s okay to say no. Practice it. Preach it. If you don’t want to do something, just don’t. You are not supposed to please anyone but yourself.
Say no to smiling
[Image Description: A gif of two girls being told, “you girls are so pretty, you should smile” and then making funny faces.] Via giphyEmbrace that resting bitch face, or half-assed face or whatever it is that you do. That aunty that asked why you’re frowning at that wedding last weekend? Don’t let it get to you. When you get that, “Babe, please smile” remember that your smile is worth more. It isn’t there to make anyone else feel comfortable.
Say no to that 2 a.m. “you up?” message that you’ll only regret in the morning
[Image Description: A gif of Emma Stone giving a thumbs up.] Via giphyYour time is worth so much more, and boys like that, worth so much less. Sometimes when you’re at a low point in life, you accept less than you deserve, it’s understanding your worth that makes the difference. So ignore messages that mean nothing in the morning, because with daylight, comes clarity, Wait for it.
Say no to late night McDonald’s
[Image Description: A gif of a child saying “Chicken nuggets is like my family.”] Via giphyI know the cravings. It’s Saturday night, you’re going home with your friends and someone suggests McDonald’s. It’s just routine now, you don’t even think about it. But sometimes, it’s okay to say no., Because eventually, your body will begin to betray you.
Say no to everyone that tells you that you can’t
[Image Description: A gif of a girl saying “you go girl.”] Via giphyBecause you can. That aunty that tells you that you can’t be loud and ladylike at the same time? You can. That boss that tells you your ideas are not valid? They are, they always are. So don’t allow yourself to be swayed by all the rejection in your life. There is so much acceptance coming your way.
Say no to hiding behind social media
[Image Description: A gif of a girl trying to take a selfie with another girl and being rejected, with the tags Facebook and Tumblr.] Via giphyWe all do it. Tweeted passive aggressively about someone we don’t like. Put up a picture to piss someone off. It’s innate. But we need to stop. We need to say no. We should never post things on social media that we cannot say out loud because that makes us weak.
Say no to taking too much
[Image Description: A gif of a man saying “just say no.”] Via giphyWe spend so much of our times just doing. Constantly moving around and about and never really stopping to take in what’s happening around us. Sometimes life does get overwhelming, it does get unbearable. It’s okay to say no. If you have too much on your plate, you can refuse. It makes life so much easier.
Fuck the resolutions, everyone knows that stuff never works. It’s been three months into 2018, and for me, things still feel the same. It’s as if January, February and March were a long post-December hangover. Maybe April is when everything will begin. So here’s to a fierce April, to all the girls that have been told to be submissive, all the girls that have been told to always say yes, just don’t. Don’t do it, not unless you really want to.
[Image Description: A woman is walking away from the camera into a field.] Via Unsplash
The patriarchy sucks. No novel idea there. Too many people have tried to impose it on me with nonsensical phrases like:
“You plan to let her go away from your house to live on her own during university? She is going to be out of hand,” said the sabotaging relative to my parents.
“She went abroad all by herself. This is what happens when you give girls too much freedom. She has no reason being abroad – she will not make money or run a home,” they chided my parents yet again.
“She has finished university and plans to pursue a higher degree – she will not find a suitable man. Why are you not stopping her?” they barked while putting more nonsense in my parents’ heads.
Thank goodness my parents brushed them aside even if it was difficult for them to do. Each time that I asserted any level of freedom or choice to live life on my terms it became a topic of ridicule for others. Yet, the scary scenarios everyone tried to brilliantly display in front of my parents never happened. I spent way too much time brushing off naysayers that tried to make sure I remained under the control of my parents because my life was not my own, at least according to them. Dreaming was pointless unless those dreams were about the perfect husband. Because the perfect husband solves any women’s problems for the rest of their lives.
Regardless of growing up in the United States, the South Asian Muslim community that I grew up in felt the need to cling to extreme patriarchy in order to protect their “culture” in the West. They felt like warriors for the hard work it took to maintain this clinginess. They joined my worth to an imaginary husband, imaginary men making my decisions, an imaginary home, and an imaginary life of submission and compromise. With the way everyone made having a husband sound, I felt more than happy to pass on these expectations. As much as the social circle around me wanted to blame Western society and ideals for making me feel this way, their ideas were the problem.
I was constantly hassled with the phrases: “You can do all of this now, but not in your husband’s house.”
“You have to maintain the home, otherwise your husband will get tired of you.”
Or, my favorite one: “Just get married and perhaps your husband will let you work or study.”
Newsflash: I have a husband now. I chose him not out of desperation and not because everyone told me to. No, he nor I ask for “permission” for anything because we are not hormonal teenagers. Any changes we have had to make in the way we operate before our marriage came from both of us. We come to mutual agreements on most issues based on our resources and the life we plan together. We both take care of our home together. He exhibits no signs of leaving me over any of the reasons people cited to me before. Want to know why?
Because marriage is a consensual agreement between two adults. Women are conditioned to believe that if anything goes wrong in their marriage, the onus was on the woman to save it. It would be the woman’s fault rather than the fault of them both. So far, my husband and I have a great system for realizing when we are blaming one another rather than owning up to our mistakes. I am also a flawed person continue to work on this. I can’t count how many times I have to stop myself from using “you” in my sentences.
If I ever listened to any of the nonsense my realm of patriarchy blurted, I would never have learned what a healthy marital relationship was for myself. The strange irony about patriarchy is that it defines a woman’s role, but her ability to exist in this world remains in an infantile state. Someone must approve or disapprove of everything she decides or does. Otherwise, society makes a moralistic judgment of her roles and abilities. Many women internalize this judgment, and in order to “keep the peace,” stay away from disrupting the status quo.
And I do not completely blame them. Unfortunately, patriarchy’s favorite myth is that if we keep going down this line, women lose their femininity. Women become more like men (oh, the silly gender binaries), and men become emasculated.
Even if that was the case, why do traditional ideas of femininity still sell? From fashion magazines to every beauty trend in the book on dressing your curves, femininity is well and alive. Patriarchy has been the suppressor of femininity in traditionally masculine settings. Most of these settings are public and outside of the domain of the home. Patriarchy may not be going anywhere soon, but every day I remind myself of how more women are disproving its greatest fears.
In a world that constantly suppresses the oppressed, there are thankfully those who use their voice to bring a positive change in society.
One such heartfelt example is the “Change the Clap” movement. It is a campaign dedicated to ending transphobia in Pakistan. It features renowned transgender personalities like Kami Sid and is being spearheaded by The Asian Pacific Transgender Network. The campaign video focuses on changing ridicule to applause by displaying how we can use our voices in favor of the transgender community in lieu of against them. I absolutely love how the signature clap of transgenders (hijras), which is usually laughed or sniggered at, is used as the base of this campaign.
Many assume that their ill-treatment is a result of the Indo-Pak continent having recently been exposed to them, but the truth is that this third gender has had quite an undeniable ancient presence in all of South Asia. The hijra community has been mentioned in the Hindu Ramayana (a religious Hindu text) as well as tales of The Mughal Era during which they were employed to guard the royal harems and serve as bodyguards for female royalty.
And yet, these people exist in a realm so far outside of society’s expectations that they have created a new subculture unto themselves.
But I’m sure most of you are still asking yourselves; who are the hijras? And where do they fall in the cluster of gender and sex as it is understood? This is a question which can never be answered using the Western lens of gender and sexuality norms. The hijra tend to be male-to-female individuals, but even this description is too vague to do justice to their identity. So let me break this down as simply as possible: the hijra community is divided into several different sects. There are those who fall perfectly under the category of transgenders according to western standards (ie: born biologically male but associate themselves with the female gender and vice versa) and then there are some who are born with the genitals of both men and women, neither of which are functional. The latter is what I’m talking about.
This faction of hijras are ridiculed by our desi community every single day. They, despite being crucial parts of our history as a nation, are seldom mentioned in the likes of our textbooks. Which is exactly what led me to think that male and female were the only two genders, growing up. They aren’t part of our curriculum or any curriculum in the world, really. I simply acknowledged their existence and thought little of it. But even in my state of sheer ignorance, I recognized that they did not have the same rights as I did, and that my country comprised of individuals who didn’t consider the hijra to be normal. These were the people who writhed uncomfortably whenever a hijra individual tapped on their car windows, draped in sequined dupattas with blotchy spots of powder all over their faces. The husk in their voice was undeniably masculine, and as for all their grace and femininity, the timber of their tone was more than enough for passengers to avert their gazes in a desperate attempt to ignore their sing-song requests for alms.
I was sadly one of those people, due to lack of understanding regarding genders, but now as I’m growing older, I have gained nothing but immense respect for these socially challenged beings of God. They are left unemployed and belittled at each and every turn of life and then are shamed for “not getting proper jobs”. So to all the people who do so, tell me, would YOU ever open up enough the tapered depths of your mind to let a hijra teach your children? Would you be okay with letting them take your orders at a restaurant, fix the plumbing at your house, or even design your house for you? Let me answer that: no you wouldn’t. You would probably give them looks laced with disgust and ask to speak to their manager or boss because their existence makes you feel uncomfortable. Hell, I bet so many of you wouldn’t even let your children play with hijra classmates if they had any.
So if any of you people with that hypocritical mentality want to stop seeing them “pestering” you for money, give them back their liberty. Stop looking down at them and let them live in peace. Play your part in letting them integrate into society and you’ll have so many of them far away from the windows of your car. That is what #changetheclap is about. It shows how once those who were given regal status are now barely provided with enough to breathe. Change your clap and then sit back and watch the same happen to the rest. It’s bound to start with one; be that one.
(Image Description: A gif of Rapunzel brushing her hair while looking in the mirror.) Via Giphy
Mothers say that oiling your hair makes it better and longer, but how much longer are you supposed to let it grow?
2. At weddings, you have to make a choice between wanting to flaunt your hair or the dress
(Image Description: A mirrored image of Zac Efron looking conflicted.) Via Tumblr
This lehenga cost me a lot of money, the pretty embroidery and sequins better not go to waste just because my hair’s covering half of it.
3. People want to try intricate and fancy braids on your hair
(Image Description: A gif of Sonam Kapoor shaking her head and saying “No”.) Via Giphy
Sure, but only if you promise to stick around for the detangling. Yeah, didn’t think so.
4. Long hair = more rishtas
(Image Description: A gif of Regina George from Mean Girls saying “Whatever. Those rules aren’t real”.) Via Giphy
Your mother and aunties won’t stop saying it. Somehow, the length of your hair determines the quantity and quality of the marriage proposals you get.
5. Keeping your hair tied and covered so you don’t get nazar
(Image Description: A gif of a scared looking Rapunzel with her hair wrapped around her like a protective cocoon.) Via Giphy
Desi aunties are always giving out compliments to your hair with a hint of jealousy. Please say Mashallah.
6. You get asked which hair oil you used to get your hair to grow that long
(Image Description: A gif of Deepika Padukone covered in colored powder and smiling. Her hair is blowing in the wind and colored powder is being thrown her way.) Via Google
Do I look like a live hair oil advertising campaign to you?
7. Envying white girls and anyone who can grow their hair long without having to deal with the unmanageable texture of Desi hair
(Image Description: A gif of Denise Richards whipping her hair from side to side.) Via Giphy
We get it. You have #longhairproblems too.
8. Styled your hair? Good luck keeping it that way when you head out
(Image Description: A gif of a woman trying to open a door from the outside saying “Hurry, my hair’s gonna frizz!”) Via Google
Our textured hair is just more prone to frizziness, and the humidity in Desi countries doesn’t help it.
9. Coloring your hair is a huge no from your parents
(Image Description: A gif of Steve Carell shouting “No! God! No! God please no!) Via Giphy
If you have brightly colored hair, you may as well be an outlaw because it’s all the same to Desi people. Why color your hair when you can have the same boring black/brown hair for the rest of your lives amirite?
10. You can never stand out at family events because all of your cousins have the same long hair
(Image Description: An image of 2 Spider-Mans with black hair edited on them. They are stood facing and pointing fingers at each other.) Via Google
No, it’s not a trend, our mothers just happen to be that persistent.
11. People are always telling you about all the different ways you can style your hair.
(Image Description: A gif of Nina Dobrev crying and saying “Please, make it stop. It hurts”.) Via Giphy
Let me make a rough guess, around 95% of those are braids and 100% of those will make my arms hurt? Thanks, I’ll pass.
12. Your mother is your personal hair manager
(Image Description: A gif of Salma Hayek saying “Please” with her hands joined.) Via Giphy
Everything you wish to do with your hair needs to be checked with her first and the answer to a lot of things is ‘no’.
13. There are only a few hair ties that are able to handle the thickness and length of your hair
(Image Description: A gif of two men and one woman dressed as Thor, Captain America, and Black Widow. Thor is asking the others “Does anyone have a scrunchie?”) Via Giphy
Those thin and tiny elastic bands don’t serve any purpose in your life. Scrunchies are your hair’s best friends.
14. Having to listen to people wishing their hair was as long as yours
(Image Description: A gif of a woman motioning towards herself with her hands while saying “You don’t know my life.”) Via Giphy
You know my name but not the hours I spend on this hair to make it look socially acceptable.
15. Your hair is in a horsetail so often, you are taken aback by its length every time you let it down
(Image Description: A gif of young Hermione Granger looking startled.) Via Giphy
Where did it come from where did it go?
16. Even wondering about getting your hair cut can get you into trouble
(Image Description: A Tumblr text post that says: Long hair problem. Me: I’m thinking of getting a haircut. Everyone within a 10-mile radius: No you motherfucking will not.”) Via Tumblr
You guys realize it’s my hair on my head right? This also works the other way around when…
17. ..Someone suggests that you get your hair cut and it offends you
(Image Description: A gif of a woman looking offended and walking away.) Via Giphy
Firstly, how dare you? and secondly, how dare you?
18. You love the compliments made to your hair
(Image Description: A gif of a little girl covering her mouth with her hand as she giggles. The gif says “OMG thanks!”) Via Giphy
Let’s face it ladies, our hair does look good when we give it a little TLC.
19. The brushing of your hair is a task that asks for a lot
(Image Description: A gif of Disney princess Jasmine combing her hair while looking in the mirror.) Via Tumblr
Recipe for good-looking hair: one detangling comb, hair serum (optional), a lot of extra time on your hands, a good mood with no distractions and the willpower to go through it all.
20. You get close to getting your hair cut but never go through with it
(Image Description: A gif of a girl moving her head from side to side as her hair blows in the wind.) Via Giphy
Because despite everything, your hair is a huge part of your life and you know you will regret cutting it short only a minute after you’ve done it.
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