Tag: LGBTQIA+ representation

Categories
TV Shows History Pop Culture

I love history, but I can’t stand historical TV shows

[Image Description: Two dark-haired white men in historical costume in a throne room.Henry Cavill and Rhys Meyers in The Tudors.] via BBC.
[Image Description: Two dark-haired white men in historical costume in a throne room.Henry Cavill and Rhys Meyers in The Tudors.] via BBC.

I’m a big history nerd. I’m not only a history major, but someone who collects and wears historical clothes, who owns figurines of historical figures, who collects books on my favorite parts of history, and who played history games throughout my entire childhood. Studying history has always been a huge part of my identity, and one I’m still happy to include in my life today. But it’s probably time to admit it: I hate historical TV shows. As a history geek, I should love them, but it’s hard for me to stomach a single one.

These shows forget that people in the past did, in fact, have fun.

I have one main reason, and it’s that these shows are straight-up boring. The lighting is too dark, the costumes too beige and ugly, and every word of dialogue is spoken in a raspy whisper. Everything is so bleak it’s almost impossible to follow. Try watching The Medici or The Tudors. I have difficulty figuring out anything that’s going on. And don’t get me started on the lighting in The Crown. 

A disheveled white man with a beard and a loose top.
[Image Description: A dark-haired white man in a dark shirt] via BBC. This is how Da Vinci’s Demons dresses its protagonists — in dull, disheveled, and downright ugly clothing.
And trust me, I won’t hear the excuse that real life was just as bleak back then. As a keen student of historical costuming, I know that a lot of historical clothing was bright, extravagant, and sometimes just ridiculous. I admit it’s not the biggest issue, but it still rubs me the wrong way. I feel like these shows forget that people in the past did, in fact, have fun occasionally. You rarely see any entertainment or festivities in these shows, unless they’re doomed to go horribly wrong. You almost never see any characters genuinely laugh in these shows. Sure, living in the past was terrible in a lot of ways, but people still retained a sense of humor.

I’ll give you an example. I once made the horrible mistake of attempting to watch Da Vinci’s Demons, which loosely follows the life of Leonardo da Vinci, and encapsulates everything I hate about historical television. The show portrays Leonardo as a tortured, edgy womanizer, despite the fact that he was almost certainly gay and, by all accounts, a very pleasant person. Throughout the show, he almost exclusively wears dark, tattered shirts and dusty trousers, whereas the historical Leonardo wore brightly-colored tunics and tights. It might sound ridiculous to the modern viewer, but personally, I think we should acknowledge the absurdity of history. And let’s be honest, sometimes it’s easier to relate to people who don’t take themselves too seriously.

A brightly colored Renaissance painting of a wealthy, finely dressed family.
[Image Description: a Renassaince painting showing a group of people dressed in beautiful costumes.]This is how people in the Renaissance actually dressed! Short tunics, leggings, bright colors…it may not be as sexy, but it’s way more fun!
There’s also a lot of unnecessary drama in historical TV shows. I’ll admit, this trend strikes me as odd because there’s already so much drama in real history. Shows like The Tudors, The Borgias, The Last Kingdom, and The Medici like to make a big deal out of political battles and sex scandals, and rarely imbue these plot lines with any humor or humanity. Drama is important for entertainment’s sake, but we can still try and make the drama seem somewhat human. Most relationships aren’t built on stolen glances and steamy affairs. Why not portray these love stories with affection, awkwardness, and a tiny bit of down-to-earth humanity?

History isn’t all epic battles and heaving bosoms, a lot of it is everyday life.

Even the grand, epic battles are a little too dramatic for my sake. They ignore the disease, the squalor, and the sheer tedium of real-life battles. It might not be fun to acknowledge the unglamorous parts of history, but it makes for better television. If we’re going to relate to these historical figures, we need to at least see them as human.

 

Most historical TV shows seem totally unwilling to have any fun with history. They refuse to acknowledge that along with the drama and sadness of history, there’s also comedy and absurdity and awkwardness. Historical people were real human beings. Sometimes they wore ridiculous outfits, joked around with each other, and made awkward mistakes. History isn’t all epic battles and heaving bosoms, a lot of it is everyday life. I certainly don’t think these shows are evil, but they do make history feel so much more distant and detached than it really is.

We should remember that history has plenty of dimensions, some good and some bad, some funny and some serious, some totally normal and some downright weird. It doesn’t help to glamorize or romanticize history, but it doesn’t help to dull it down either. Historical figures were people too, and our television should at least recognize them as such. Besides, it’s more fun that way anyway.

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Categories
LGBTQIA+ History Coronavirus The World

50 years later, the legacy of Pride lives on

[A group of people adorned in pride-related clothing are walking underneath a pride flag] Via Unsplash
[A group of people adorned in pride-related clothing are walking underneath a pride flag] Via Unsplash

The New York City Pride parade has been cancelled for the first time since its origin 50 years ago. In-person events that were scheduled to take place June 14-28, 2020 are in the process of being reimagined virtually as a result of the coronavirus pandemic.

Pride is a staple in New York City, as it has been since the Stonewall Riots prompted a revolution in June of 1969. The fight for gay-rights as we know it was born and catalyzed here. America in the 1960’s, and in the decades that came before it, was not at all welcoming for those in LGBTQIA+ community. In New York, any inclination of sexual activity between people of the same sex in public was considered illegal. That is, hand holding, kissing, or even dancing. This antiquated and ridiculous law was not overturned until 1980 when the People v. Ronald Onofre case was decided. 

These times were also riddled with discrimination and a series of raids among other forms of abuse on prominent gay bars and clubs in Greenwich village. Such spaces were some of the only places where members of the community could seek refuge and were finally able to express themselves openly without worry. Nonetheless, police brutality on the basis of sexual orientation and just plain bigotry was awfully common during these raids.  

On the night of June 28, 1969 obvious tensions arose between the two groups, and the patrons bravely decided to fight back against the police at the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar that was one of the few of its kind that opened its doors to drag queens. Notably, the first bottle of the uprising, which lasted six whole days, was thrown by a Black transgender woman, Marsha P. Johnson. The protesters were met time and time again with tear-gas and physical altercations with the police, but they persisted. Those in the street are said to have been singing slogans similar to the ones that we hear today like “gay power” and “we shall overcome.” 

It would be an injustice to ignore the contributions of the Black community to this iconic moment that started a resistance.

This moment sparked the beginning of a modern resistance that is beautifully laced with love and versatility. 

It would be an injustice, however, to ignore the coincidences of this past that align with the current civil rights demonstrations happening across the world, declaring defiantly that Black lives matter. Both movements continue to feature a spotlight on recognizing basic human rights while also condemning police practices that terrorize the communities they are meant “to serve and protect.” So much of American history is patterned with this same struggle, consistency, and perseverance. Not to mention that it was, in fact, Black women who spearheaded this revolution 51 years ago, and 51 years later Black women are again at the forefront of a movement seeking to eradicate systemic inequality. We must not let this go unnoticed.

The year after what has come to be known as the Stonewall riots, June of 1970, marked the first ever Pride parade in New York City. Though it took a long time to come, the LGBTQIA+ community has certainly overcome much of the hate and marginalization that has been thrown its way. But, they’re still fighting. To this day, new non-discrimination protections are being fought for and passed all because of their constant effort and strength. 

Since then, New York City and its Pride parade has been a proven safe-haven for vulnerable and battered communities alike. It is a time for people to come together and celebrate themselves as phoenixes who have risen way above the ashes while also acknowledging the slashed history that they are eternally attached to. 

Just last year, New York City hosted world WorldPride and some 2 million people were in attendance. This in and of itself is a testament to the impact that the revolution has had, and continues to have, all over the world. Such ever-clear and unrelenting perseverance is nothing less of an inspiration. 

Today, as the coronavirus runs its raging course throughout the United States, New York City has been noticeably hit the hardest. With nearly 212,000 confirmed cases and over 20,000 deaths thus far in the City alone, New Yorkers are being urged to remain full of the hope and drive that makes us so thick-skinned in the first place. But, this is not an easy feat, especially given the turmoil that seems to be slowly encapsulating every bit of our daily lives. Once again, we have set out in a movement that looks to challenge history and change it for good. For the LGBTQIA+ community, that anxiety is heightened tremendously. 

The absence of the iconic Pride parade will certainly have a dramatic financial impact on the people and businesses that have come to rely on it. Not to mention the mental toll that will surely come along without a break from mobilizing, resource, or strategy efforts concerning the ongoing, and seemingly never-ending, fight for equal rights. It is certainly an all-hands-on-deck sort of thing. This fight is fought every single day, with the smallest actions sometimes making the most noise, and none of it should go unnoticed. 

The contributions that the LGBTQIA+ community has made to both the City and to the greater struggle for equality are undeniable. So, the decision to cancel Pride this year was not easy. But, it was definitely necessary. However, just because the pandemic prevents us from physically coming together this year, it does not mean that the spirit of Pride in New York City won’t be felt just the same.

An online Global Pride will be broadcasted for 24-hours straight on June 27, starting in the east and moving west. Each local or participating pride chapter is hoped to have an allotment of 15-minutes of airtime each, depending on individual time zones, for performances and speeches by grand marshals. This is a community that has always come together in the face of adversity and this year is no different. My wish is for this to be yet another example of the LGBTQIA+ communities resilience that should be honored and remembered, especially in a context of human rights.

Categories
The Internet Movies Books Pop Culture

Why I’m boycotting J.K. Rowling and her “Fantastic Beasts”

Photo of the cast of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald standing or sitting in various poses
[Image Description: Photo of the cast of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald standing or sitting in various poses] Photo via BT.

The new Fantastic Beasts movie, The Crimes of Grindelwald is splitting Potterheads in two, as some are running to midnight showings and others are seething in anger. The recent Harry Potter spin-off is problematic for a host of reasons that span from casting choices to plot holes to poor storytelling decisions.

The issues began when it was announced that Johnny Depp would play Gellert Grindelwald.

Despite accusations of abuse from his ex-wife Amber Heard, J.K. Rowling and David Yates defended their choice and chose not to recast, a decision that left many angry and upset. In light of the fact that Ezra Miller who plays Credence just revealed his own #MeToo moment earlier on in his career, as a long-time Harry Potter fan, the choice to include Depp is disappointing. It also feeds into the fears of #MeToo victims, namely of being brushed off and overlooked for their traumatic experiences. 

Then there’s Dumbledore’s mishandled coming-out story.

In 2007, while on tour, Rowling announced that she had always imagined former Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore to be gay and had only ever been in love with friend-turned-enemy Grindelwald. While there were plenty of anti-gay, homophobic responses, there was a lot of pushback from fans themselves who believed this was yet another failed attempt by Rowling to include diversity in her books.

It would have been fine if Dumbledore had been gay from the beginning but it was never alluded to at all.

Apparently, it was decided (by Warner Bros, maybe?) that Dumbledore’s homosexuality would not play a bit role in The Crimes of Grindelwald, other than a scene in which Dumbledore hints, “We were closer than brothers.” Not only is this a missed opportunity, but once again, Rowling’s previous attempts at inclusion come off as thoughtless and out of context.

Just to mention another one, her portrayal of Harry Potter’s crush Cho Chang, a Chinese student with a name made up of two Korean last names who just had to be a Ravenclaw, played into the unoriginal stereotype of the smart Asian. In the Crimes of Grindelwald trailer, we suddenly learned that Nagini, Voldemort’s snake and Horcrux, had once been a human woman of color. Nagini was all along a Maledictus, “or the human vessel of a blood curse that destines them to eternity as some kind of beast.”

Rowling said she based this story on the Indonesian mythology of Naga or snake-like mythical creatures. This is problematic for many reasons.

Firstly, this revelation means that not only did Nagini become the slave pet of a white supremacist (an idea that plays into the fetishization of Asian women), but it also means that Rowling knowingly allowed a teenager to decapitate an enslaved person without any acknowledgment or mention of this prior.

Then there’s the fact that Nagini will be played by Korean actress Claudia Kim and that the Naga myth first came from India, not Indonesia as Rowling insisted. Including people of color in a story takes careful planning and should present them as full characters, not simply props that are there to fulfill a purpose and then disappear into the background when it’s convenient.

What’s most disappointing to me is that like so many others, I looked up to Rowling and adored the world she created. All of these additions and changes she continues to bring up in respect to the series come off as nothing more than an attempt to stay relevant and add inclusivity to a world that was clearly never very diverse in the first place.

Enjoy this silly video that explains our anger and disappointment in a much easier way:

Categories
LGBTQIA+ Gender & Identity Love + Sex Life

21 things you’ll only understand if you’re asexual

Being different in a heteronormative society is not easy. What makes being different even more difficult is being part of a smaller minority than one can think possible: people who identify as asexual. Making up only about 1% of the world’s population, it is easy to feel alone and misunderstood.

But fear not! While we are a minute percentage of the human population, we do exist! In fact, since we are such a small population, I think it’s possible that we have shared many experiences as we try to navigate the large world around us, while also trying to figure out our sexuality and how to express that.

1. So many people ask: “What does that mean?”

Gif of Dean Winchester, a white man with short light brown hair and green eyes, from the tv show, Supernatural, raising his eyebrows, nodding, and saying "Good question."
Gif of Dean Winchester, a white man with short light brown hair and green eyes, from the tv show, Supernatural, raising his eyebrows, nodding, and saying “Good question.”

To be fair, that is a good question, which I’ll happily answer. Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) aptly states that asexuality is an orientation where a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction. In other words, they are not sexually drawn to people, nor do they desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way.

2. How annoying it gets when people say “Oh you can’t be asexual. You just haven’t met the right person yet!”

Gif of Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes holding up a white sign that says "STOP IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY" and wiggling his fingers on his other hand
Gif of Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes holding up a white sign that says “STOP IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY” and wiggling his fingers on his other hand

This is the equivalent of telling an atheist that they haven’t found God, or telling a lesbian that they haven’t found “the right man.” It is rude and it certainly isn’t anyone’s place to tell them such things. Therefore, it is nobody’s place to tell an asexual that their sexuality is invalid, a lie, or what they “should” be feeling.

3. Or how inappropriate it is for people to say “You can’t be asexual! That’s impossible! Asexuality doesn’t exist!”

Gif of Louise Belcher, a white girl with black hair and a pink rabbit ears hat, from animated show Bob's Burgers saying "Please stop, please stop, please stop."
Gif of Louise Belcher, a white girl with black hair and a pink rabbit ears hat, from animated show Bob’s Burgers saying “Please stop, please stop, please stop.”

Please see the above point. Invalidating someone’s sexual orientation and the existence of it is beyond inappropriate.

4. How annoying it gets when people assume that, just because you are asexual, you must be aromantic.

Gif of Oprah, a black woman with straight, black hair, greenish yellow top, and hoop earrings, shaking her head in No.
Gif of Oprah, a black woman with straight, black hair, greenish yellow top, and hoop earrings, shaking her head in No.

Asexual does not mean aromantic. They are two different definitions. Is it possible to be both asexual and aromantic? Yes. Is it possible to be one but not the other? Also yes.

5. And even if you are aromantic, people act like you are weird, or broken.

Gif of black and white kitten from Disney film, Pinocchio, shaking head and frowning
Gif of black and white kitten from Disney film, Pinocchio, shaking head and frowning

We are often bombarded by this idea that we cannot live fulfilling lives without a romantic partner. But it is possible to be an aromantic and an interesting, complex person. People have no place to make aromantic people feel otherwise.

6. Having to constantly explain that celibacy and asexuality are not the same things.

Gif of a black female with curly, black hair shaking her head and saying "So remind yourself that those are two different things."
Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background

Taking a vow of celibacy is voluntary. Being asexual is not. Not to mention: not all asexual people are celibate, and not all celibate people are asexual.

7. Having to explain that asexuality is a legitimate sexuality, and it is a spectrum.

Gif of Homer Simpson, a yellow balding man with a white shirt, putting his arm around his wife Marge, a yellow woman with blue curly hair, a red necklace, a green dress, and a pink sweater, and telling her "Let me walk you through it." from the show, The Simpsons
Gif of Homer Simpson, a yellow balding man with a white shirt, putting his arm around his wife Marge, a yellow woman with blue curly hair, a red necklace, a green dress, and a pink sweater, and telling her “Let me walk you through it.” from the show, The Simpsons

And what a broad spectrum it is! I highly recommend reading AVEN’s website and this Huffington Post article and infographic for more information about that spectrum.

8. Feeling out of place in a world that puts so much emphasis on sex.

Gif of Maleficent, a thin, white woman with black horns and clothing, blue eyes and red lips, looking downcast, from the movie, Maleficent
Gif of Maleficent, a thin, white woman with black horns and clothing, blue eyes and red lips, looking downcast, from the movie, Maleficent

9. Seriously… you wonder how sexual attraction even works.

Gif of Winona Ryder, a white woman with a black dress, a necklace, and dark brown hair, looking around confused as white math equations appear around her, as she stands between two tall white men in black suits and bow-ties and white shirts
Gif of Winona Ryder, a white woman with a black dress, a necklace, and dark brown hair, looking around confused as white math equations appear around her, as she stands between two tall white men in black suits and bow-ties and white shirts

10. Before you learned about asexuality, not having a name for your orientation was… challenging.

Gif of a white blonde woman licking her lips, taking a deep breath, and straightening her posture, from the show Homeland
Gif of a white blonde woman licking her lips, taking a deep breath, and straightening her posture, from the show Homeland

11. Yet finding out that there’s a name for your orientation, and there are people out there just like you…

Gif of Jake, a yellow dog with wide, lit up eyes, saying "It's so beautiful!", from the show Adventure Time
Gif of Jake, a yellow dog with wide, lit up eyes, saying “It’s so beautiful!”

It’s just amazing.

12. AND learning about the complexity of asexuality…mind blown.

Gif of Barney Stinson, a white, blonde man in a white shirt, light gray suit, and a dark striped tie, imitating a motion of brain exploding as he extends his hands away from his face, from the show How I Met Your Mother
Gif of Barney Stinson, a white, blonde man in a white shirt, light gray suit, and a dark striped tie, imitating a motion of brain exploding as he extends his hands away from his face.

Seriously, did I mention that asexuality is a spectrum?

13. Since asexuals fill about 1% of the world’s population, you often worry about whether or not you’ll find a suitable romantic partner (that is, if you are not aromantic).

Gif of Roger, a white, blond man, smoking a pipe and wide-eyed with worry, from Disney movie 101 Dalmatians
Gif of Roger, a white, blond man, smoking a pipe and wide-eyed with worry, from Disney movie 101 Dalmatians

14. Lack of asexual representation hardly helps either.

Gif of woman of color, in front of red and white stripes of US flag, speaking into a microphone and saying: "Representation is so critical, especially now."
Gif of a woman of color, in front of red and white stripes of US flag, speaking into a microphone and saying: “Representation is so critical, especially now.”

Hello? Is anybody asexual out there? You wouldn’t know it from pop culture sometimes.

15. Yet when you DO find asexual representation in pop culture…

Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, telling Bojack, a brown, anthropomorphic horseman, in pajamas, "I am asexual." as he holds out his arms, from the show Bojack Horseman
Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, telling Bojack, a brown, anthropomorphic horseman, in pajamas, “I am asexual.” as he holds out his arms.

16. …as well as possibly asexual historical role models…

Gif of a black man with black hair and mustache, dressed in a blue suit, a light blue shirt, and a dark blue tie with a yellow paisley pattern, nodding his head
Gif of a black man with black hair and mustache, dressed in a blue suit, a light blue shirt, and a dark blue tie with a yellow paisley pattern, nodding his head

Though, keep in mind: the asexuality label was not around for these people to claim, but it is still nice to know that they possibly were asexual (though the inclusion of Adolf Hitler in the list does make me sad).

17. …and well-written articles on asexuality…

Gif of Ian Somerhalder, a white man with brown hair, blue eyes, a black jacket, and white shirt, making a sign of triumph with his arm, as he sits on a periwinkle blue couch
Gif of Ian Somerhalder, a white man with brown hair, blue eyes, a black jacket, and white shirt, making a sign of triumph with his arm, as he sits on a periwinkle blue couch

I particularly love this analysis of Jessica Rabbit being asexual, and this interesting one from the BBC.

18. …and an ace friend who understands…

Gif of Daria, a white girl with brown hair, a green jacket, a skirt, and black boots, walking to her best friend, Jane, a white girl with short black hair, blue eyes, red lips, a red jacket, black clothing and boots, and hugging her, from the show Daria
Gif of Daria, a white girl with brown hair, a green jacket, a skirt, and black boots, walking to her best friend, Jane, a white girl with short black hair, blue eyes, red lips, a red jacket, black clothing and boots, and hugging her.

19. …or even a group of ace friends in the same boat…

Gif of the Genie, a big, blue figure wearing a yellow Hawaiian style shirt, hugging Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, the Magic Carpet, and Rajah, a big tiger, close together, from the Disney film Aladdin
Gif of the Genie, a big, blue figure wearing a yellow Hawaiian style shirt, hugging Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, the Magic Carpet, and Rajah, a big tiger, close together, from the Disney film Aladdin

20. …you know you couldn’t be happier or more content to be you.

Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, looking over a different people near a sign that says "ASEXUAL MEET-UP ALL ACES WELCOME!" in purple lettering. Also, a woman of color with turquoise hair, a black top and blue trousers, waves Todd over, from the show Bojack Horseman
Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, looking over a different people near a sign that says “ASEXUAL MEET-UP ALL ACES WELCOME!” in purple lettering. Also, a woman of color with turquoise hair, a black top and blue trousers, waves Todd over, from the show Bojack Horseman

21. And even if a friend of yours isn’t ace… it’s still great to know they’ve got your back because they love you for you.

Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background
Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background
Categories
TV Shows LGBTQIA+ BRB Gone Viral Pop Culture

Watching “Queer Eye” reminds me that maybe, just maybe, there’s hope for men today

Via Netflix.com [Image description: Five beautiful men, the Fab 5, blow kisses to camera.]
Via Netflix.com [Image description: Five beautiful men, the Fab 5, blow kisses to camera.]

Sometimes I worry that the world has taken all the love out of me.

That every drop has been drained in attempts at self-preservation against various onslaughts of bad news. That I am a ball of anxiety and despair with no room for warm feelings.

And then, every now and again, a ray of sunshine, be it an expression of art or a loving word, will come along to remind me that I have a beating heart. Netflix’s Queer Eye is one such piece of light.

Via Giphy.com [Image description: Five beautiful men, the Fab 5, strike a pose as the lighting around them changes color]
Via Giphy.com [Image description: Five beautiful men, the Fab 5, strike a pose as the lighting around them changes color].
Maybe this sounds a bit extra, but one of the best parts of this show is that it encourages an honest expression of feelings, and I am feeling a bit extra at the moment. A reboot of the early-2000s makeover show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer Eye is explicitly a “make better” show. The Fab 5, five experts in the fields of culture, grooming, food, fashion, and design, respectively, who also happen to be gay men, are not here to hate on where any of their nominees is at.

Instead, they swoop into the lives of the people chosen to be on the show, called heroes, recognizing that they already have the potential to be their best selves.

The Fab 5 simply serve as an instructive catalyst to help these heroes access their potential (though I do not for a second want to downplay the work these men are putting in, they are all very good at their jobs). Seeing people be motivated to strive for what they want and to come into themselves is enriching, and I know I need any kind of positive influence nowadays.

There’s a lot to be said about this show, be it on gender, sexuality, race, or faith. It’s full like that. What I have been coming back to the most, and what I want to focus on, for the time being, is masculinity.

We’re all familiar with the patriarchy, yes? The system that degrades femininity and gives masculine men undue authority, preference, and privilege, above others?

The system that is entrenched in pretty much all of our societies? That one? Cool.

A unhealthy consequence of the patriarchy is toxic masculinity, which, among other horrid side implications, is a type of masculinity that restricts the emotional expression and range of men (or anyone who takes on these traditionally masculine traits, which are not strictly limited to gender) in favor of being the prototypical “alpha male.” It is called “toxic” because it is not healthy. Of course, individuals may have a preference towards if and how they show their emotions, but bottling it up can lead to undue aggression, transference, and so many more negative results.

I hope I don’t sound like too much of a sadist when I say that one of my favorite parts of Queer Eye is getting to see men, particularly straight cis men, cry.

None of the Fab 5 are entirely shy with their emotions. They also come at their heroes from a real place of love, empathy, and encouragement. Maybe it’s these elements that allow the heroes to come into a space of vulnerability. It’s not as though it’s a foolproof formula. Not every hero breaks into tears in any given episode, but more often than not, someone is crying, and that is huge.

A part of the ethos of the show is that there are a lot of different ways to be.

There are a lot of different ways to be queer. There are a lot of ways to be a man. There is space to be an emotional man or at least a man who shows emotion and cares for his feelings. This simple principle, that if you have feelings, it’s alright to share them with people who care about you, if a central part of the show and central to how it counteracts toxic masculinity.

Will one show fix all men? Probably not.

The majority of people I know who are watching the show are women of various sexualities and queer men, and I would love to see more straight cis men watching and learning. But the show does remind me, at least, that men have feelings and that some of them may even really want to express them. The show gets into the fears, anxieties, and hopes of these men. It is predicated on them.

Showing that there are men who are doing their best gives me a little hope that maybe, maybe, there is hope for men. Maybe some men can grow, mature, and show a modicum of vulnerability. I think it would do us all some good.

Until I see men making those changes, though, you can find me watching Queer Eye with a box of tissues.

Via Giphy.com [Image description: Five men, the Fab 5, and one woman, group hug].
Via Giphy.com [Image description: Five men, the Fab 5, and one woman, group hug].
Categories
Tech Now + Beyond

As a kid figuring out my identity, playing The Sims gave me a world free to be myself in

Two female-presenting Sims wear wedding dresses. They kiss under a floral arch, implying that they've just been married.
The Sims Forums

As a confused, queer kid, I found solace in an unlikely place: The Sims. I don’t think any other game – or any form of media – was as comforting to me as what The Sims was.

I spent a great deal of my weekends in my brother-in-law’s shed-turned-office in our backyard, creating families, downloading mods, and building dream houses. My cousin and I even took videos of our Sims and edited them together on Windows Movie Maker to create a soapie called ‘Days of our Sims’. It was equal parts cringey and damn awesome.

The bottom line is that I loved The Sims. It was a huge part of my childhood. It helped me imagine myself as an adult, one with a happy career and a beautiful house. More importantly, it helped me imagine a world where I was allowed to be queer.

Sims were never coded to have an orientation, which meant they could be romantically and sexually attracted to anyone in their age group. In simple terms, all Sims were potentially bisexual. For someone who grew up thinking that heterosexuality was the only option, this detail blew my mind.

When I got into The Sims 2, I was around 11 years old. I kind of knew what it meant to be gay. I was already exploring the idea that I might be queer. I was in primary school, and while I could imagine a life with a husband, I could also imagine a life with a wife. I didn’t know what bisexuality was until much later, and even then, I struggled to imagine myself being bisexual.

Remember, this was 2005. This was an era before Pretty Little Liars, Glee, and even Skins. I was too young to watch The L Word, and queer celebrities seemed to be pathologized by the tabloid magazines I read. There were no blueprints for me, no celebrities or characters that helped me imagine what my life could be like as a bisexual person. I felt like my feelings were invalid. I felt alone.

The Sims was one of the only forms of bisexual representation that was available to me.

Many people used The Sims to act out fantasies. They could be rich, have a dream career, own a house, have children, and get married. For me, The Sims allowed me to act out the fantasy of being bisexual. 

In my universe in The Sims 2, things were wild. Mary-Sue Pleasant, a pre-made Sim, left her cheating husband for Cassandra Goth, her childhood best friend. They had a happy life together in a beautiful home with Mary-Sue’s teenage daughters. Both of those teenage daughters grew up to date both male and females Sims. I created many simulated versions of myself, some of which dated men, some of which dated women, some of which dated both. I nearly always had children, and I nearly always pursued a creative career path. It was pure bliss.

What’s more? Nobody in The Sims cared if one woman dated another. In this fantasy world, where I could escape and create a life that was anything I wanted it to be, I could also be free. Discrimination wasn’t something that existed in this universe.

I’m not saying that games should never touch on real-world issues like heterosexism, racism, or sexism. However, I learnt something by creating a life in a world where oppression didn’t exist. It made me realize that the world we live in – that is, an oppressive one – didn’t have to be this way.

The Sims is moving with the times. In an update in The Sims 4, gender becomes more customizable. One can effectively change their Sim’s from one gender to the next, basically making the Sim transgender. You get to choose a Sim’s physique, voice, fashion preferences, based on your own ideas and not the gender binary.

It’s so queer- and trans-friendly, it was given an ‘adults only’ rating in Russia. For kids who are gender non-conforming, trans and/or non-binary, this sort of representation can be amazing. It’s still not perfect in terms of representation, but it’s certainly way better than many other games.

The greater lesson here is that representation matters. Games influence us, and as a queer kid, it meant the world to me to have some kind of representation in the games I played. The Sims showed me what the world could be like if we rejected heteronormativity and oppression.

Sims are simple, and humans are unfortunately less so. We can’t type ‘motherlode’ into a cheat box when we’re broke, and we can’t put our arch-nemesis in a ladder-less pool to make them disappear. We certainly have inherent biases, conscious and unconscious, which means that discrimination and oppression exist. 

But we can learn from The Sims.

I have hope that my generation, who grew up with The Sims and other queer-friendly media, will create a world where things are a little easier for queer people.

Categories
TV Shows Movies Pop Culture

Netflix made a hashtag for the moment that changed my life

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Growing up as a minority in a country surrounded by television and film that features the same kind of characters is tough. You start internalizing what “normal” means. When you realize you don’t fit that standard, you feel out of place and try as hard as possible to fit that vision of normal.

To combat that, Netflix has created a video campaign starring cast members from Dear White People and Orange is the New Black to talk about what representation means to them. There is also an accompanying hashtag, #FirstTimeISawMe, to engage its audience and create a conversation out of this crucial matter.

Yes, I call it a crucial matter. It might not seem like that big of deal, but let me take you back to the first time I saw me.

I grew up mostly watching Disney Channel, PBS Kids, and Nickelodeon. The only Arab or Muslim characters I saw was on Arab television, which I never watched. This made me feel as if I had to fit into one group or the other; there was no “in-between” category.

When all I saw were the same characters, with the same struggles and backstories, I thought I had to mold myself into that. All of the cool characters I looked up to didn’t look or act like me. I quickly learned that in order to be like them, I couldn’t be myself. When Arabs and Muslims were on screen, they were terrorists or, at the very least, foreigners.

The first time I really saw myself was in a short episode of Proud Family that showed Penny Proud living with a Muslim family for a week. They didn’t exactly represent me, and it relied a lot on tropes, but I still remember flipping out and excitedly calling my mom over when I saw one of the Muslim characters explain what fasting was to Penny. The episode also wasn’t afraid to show others’ opinions of Muslims. This came in the form of Penny’s initial antagonism, as well as her friends and family seeing the Muslim family as weird, and even vandalism of the Muslim family’s house. But the episode works hard to depict the family as kind neighbors and members of the community without stripping them of their heritage.

A couple of years later, when my Jewish friend and I realized that what we were seeing in movies didn’t represent us, we watched a movie called Arranged. It was about two Brooklyn teachers, a Syrian Muslim and an Orthodox Jew, who come from fairly traditional families, and have parents pushing them to get married. It follows their friendship, shuts down ignorance, and depicts the women’s similar struggles. They mixed Arabic and Hebrew with their English, didn’t have accents (unless you count the Brooklyn accent), and weren’t secluded from the rest of their community. It also talked about diversity in all aspects, not just focusing on Muslims and Jews.

This was not a well-known movie, and I have no clue how my friend found it. The acting was awkward and the plot stale at times. Nevertheless, it was something. I’m pretty sure my friend and I started tearing up.

These moments of recognizing myself with media, made me feel okay being different. It normalized my identities.

I say the matter is crucial because these shows do more than help young kids like me develop into themselves. It also gives people an image of what a certain group is like. If all viewers are seeing is images of Muslims as terrorists and they don’t actually know any Muslims, then yeah, they’re going to be afraid. When they see them as a non-homogenous clump of people, they can start recognizing them as humans.

It’s important to aim for more than just diversity. The real goal should be giving these “diverse” characters actual complex personalities. It’s not enough to throw a girl wearing a hijab on-screen as a background character and call that good.

Arranged was a beautiful movie, but I want to see myself in movie theaters, not in the hidden corners of the film industry. I want to see a Muslim or Arab character be the lead of a movie and not have her main element be about being Muslim or Arab. I also want people to understand the depth of what it means to be a Muslim or Arab American. I don’t want them relying on tropes of what Muslim is, or treating Arab and Desi culture as one. At the same time, I don’t want them to whitewash my character to be more digestible to the American public.

I see where we are today, and we’re doing better. Dear White People is highlighting black voices, Spider-Man: Homecoming showcases main characters who aren’t white, Everything, Everything depicts an interracial couple without it being about how they’re an interracial couple.

But there’s still work to be done.

Let’s hear out the voices of #FirstTimeISawMe and work towards more encompassing television screens.

Categories
Books Pop Culture

I wouldn’t be who I am today without Harry, Ron, and Hermione

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The Harry Potter series recently turned 20 years old, and something about that to me is incredible. This series is almost as old as I am. And when I think back to my childhood, most of what I remember is Harry Potter.

I started on the series listening to my mom read it to me when I was about five, and then I fell asleep listening to Jim Dale read the audio-book version until I was well into my teens. I still listen to them now, if I really need to knock out.

And from my ninth birthday to my thirteenth, I went to see the movies as my birthday party. It was devastating to me when they stopped coming out in November and started coming out in the summer.

What was I going to do for my birthday if not watch a new movie of my favorite thing ever?

I went to the midnight release of the seventh book, got my copy at 12:02, and finished reading at 3:45 AM, after having had to stop reading for about 45 minutes because I was sobbing that the series that had changed my life was over.

[bctt tweet=”I wouldn’t be who I am today without Harry Potter.” username=”wearethetempest”]

I wouldn’t be who I am today without Harry Potter. I’ve been a voracious reader my whole life, but there was something special about this series. At this point, I think I’ve reread the whole series in its entirety around 14 to 15 times. And I never get sick of it. And now, when I reread the series, it’s like visiting with childhood best friends.

The time might have changed, but our relationship is entirely the same.

I was at just the right age to really feel the magic, too. By the time I was reading the books on my own, I was about seven or eight years old, which was old enough to really believe, at least for a time. I waited like so many other kids, on my eleventh birthday, for that letter. I thought for sure it would come; that Hogwarts, the Wizarding World, was where I belonged.

Obviously, the letter never came. And I grew up.

But somewhere in the foundation of my personality, it burrowed itself in and became a part of me. I could as easily tell you facts about the world of Harry Potter as I could facts about my own life. Liking this series is a fundamental part of who I am.

I saw myself in these characters. I saw myself in Hermione.

As someone who’s been called a know-it-all for most of her life, it was so nice to see how that can be a positive trait. And seeing how the Trio created a friendship based on mutual love and understanding and a loyalty that never wavered taught me how to be a friend. And they were my friends.

When I switched from private to public school at 10, I didn’t know anyone going in. But I always knew that I’d have Harry Potter to come back to and that Harry, Ron, and Hermione would be waiting for me.

[bctt tweet=”As someone who’s been called a know-it-all, it was so nice to see how that could be a good thing.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Harry Potter taught me how to be able to criticize the things I loved. Because I love this series, but I can still tell it is not without fault.

J.K. Rowling created one of the most incredible fictional worlds in this generation, but she is still just one person with one lived experience, and “Harry Potter” has influenced people all around the world. People have created a new layer to this world by putting out a call to action about how they interpret the Wizarding World. They’ve placed their own experiences onto the worldbuilding that was already there. People have created a layer where there is more religious diversity, more LGBTQIA+ representation beyond J.K. saying at a book reading that Dumbledore is gay.

But people do this because they love this book and this world. And at the end of the day, “books belong to their readers.” And reading who people have interpreted this world has helped me become a more aware person. I’ve become more aware of how more inclusivity is so important in fiction.

People want to see characters like themselves. And with the Harry Potter universe, people can write endless ways to fit themselves into this magical world where they are sure they belong.

[bctt tweet=”I grew up believing that magic could be real, and I could make it for myself.” username=”wearethetempest”]

I recently went to London when I was abroad, and my friend and I stopped at King’s Cross Station. It was simultaneously nothing and everything I expected. The line to take the stereotypical photo at Platform 9 and 3/4 was too long for us to get one, as our train to the airport was leaving relatively soon. But I remember seeing that silly, movie set photo-op, and feeling this warm feeling inside.

I’m one of the millions of people who grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

I grew up believing that magic could be real, and I could make it for myself.

Seeing how happy everyone was by being there, at that silly half-cart with the scarves that have piping in them to make them look like they’re blowing in the wind, made me realize how much this series has changed the world. Being at Platform 9 and 3/4 made me feel like I was going home. 

Because, like J.K. Rowling said at the premiere of the eighth movie, “Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.” 

And it has, for the past twenty years.

For me, it will forever.