Tag: lgbtqia+ community

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TV Shows Pop Culture

Season two of ‘Love, Victor’ is a handbook on how to show up for people

The promotional photo for 'Love, Victor'
[Image description: The promotional photo for 'Love, Victor'] Via Hulu

As much as most of us want to be good allies, it’s easy to get caught up in the label. Sometimes we add a rainbow flag or a raised fist emoji to our social media bios and call it a day. But labeling ourselves as an ally isn’t the same as being an ally.

There’s a lot of work involved, most of which comes down to showing up — politically, economically, and socially — for the communities we’re trying to support. If you’re still iffy on how to make the jump from calling yourself an ally to being one, the second season of Love, Victor provides an excellent handbook on how to show up for the people in your life.

Love, Victor takes place in the same universe as the Love, Simon film adaptation of Becky Albertalli’s book Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. In the first season of the show, Victor comes to terms with his sexuality with Simon’s help — amongst other shenanigans and drama. The start of the second season picks up at the cliffhanger, with Victor coming out to his family. Their responses set the tone for the season and made it clear that the writers aren’t steering clear of hard topics like religious acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community.

This makes the second season of Love, Victor very painful. I spent the majority of every episode sobbing and occasionally laughing through my tears. When I say the second season is traumatic, especially for those of us raised in religious households, I don’t use that word lightly. I honestly wasn’t sure if the second season would end happily.

Thankfully it did … kind of.  Though the journey to get to the happy ending was hard to watch at times, the second season of Love, Victor was authentic in its depiction of the messiness of human relationships, familial, romantic, and platonic.

After Victor comes out to his family, we see three very different responses from his sister, mom, and dad. Pilar, his sister, instantly hugs him and confirms she loves him. Armando, his dad, is visibly confused and asks questions. Isabel, his mom, flees the scene and puts off talking to Victor. Each of these reactions foreshadows the characters’ relationship with Victor for the rest of the season.

Pilar is one of the best examples of allyship on the show. Despite her rough exterior, she intrinsically knows how to be a good friend to those around her. Like any good ally, Pilar isn’t interested in solving others’ problems for them. She’s there to listen, empathize, and even open up her wallet if needed. These actions can sometimes be the hardest parts of allyship to grasp, specifically because we don’t always consider them to be active actions.

How Pilar shows up as a friend contrasts with Lake’s take on friendship — and remember being a good friend is often similar to being a good ally. Rather than ask Felix how she can support him during a manic episode, Lake takes on Felix’s problems as her own and steps in with a solution she thinks is best: enlisting her mom to help. But this isn’t what Felix wanted.


Throughout the season, we watch the communication between Felix and Lake break down because of this misstep. Many of us as allies have good intentions, and yet we make mistakes because the actions we take aren’t always the most helpful.

Pilar, on the other hand, knows sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there for others. She knows that fighting other people’s battles for them isn’t the way to go and does what she can to make herself available to her friends and family. Pilar is the blueprint, and we should all take notes.

However, allyship isn’t always a seamless transition, and that’s okay so long as we make an effort to learn and grow. Armando admits he doesn’t understand Victor’s sexuality, but he doesn’t let this stop him from learning how to support Victor. Armando’s arc throughout the second season shifts from, “I don’t understand but I’m trying, and I love you” to, “my understanding isn’t the point, and I will always be here for you because your sexuality doesn’t change our relationship.”

Most importantly, Armando puts in the work. He starts with Google, and then eventually attends a support group for parents with children in the LGBTQIA+ community. His ally journey isn’t without a few bumps in the road, which I think is relatable.

Despite being outside of his comfort zone, Armando knows giving up isn’t an option. His storyline is another good one to take notes from, especially because Armando encourages those around him, namely Isabel, to embark on the same journey without pressuring, rushing, or villainizing them.

Isabel’s arc is the root of this season’s pain. As someone who grew up in and has since parted ways with the church for the very reasons depicted in Love, Victor, I have to admit I was hoping we could skirt the issue entirely in favor of showing how religion doesn’t exclude the LGBTQIA+ community. However, this isn’t always the case in most churches, so Love, Victor does take a more honest approach.


Isabel clearly loves Victor, but his sexuality contradicts the religious beliefs she was taught from such a young age. We see her battling with what she knows to be true and what the church has told her to be “true.”

Ignorance can be unlearned, and season two shows how confusing, emotional, and harrowing that process is for everyone involved. Isabel’s ultimate acceptance of Victor showcases how religion can (and should) accept and love the LGBTQIA+ community.

Notably, Isabel doesn’t renounce her religious beliefs at the end of the season. Instead, she tells off the bigoted priest for preaching hate. While Isabel does not set a good example for allyship this season, her storyline is important, especially for any LGBTQIA+ people and allies with religious affiliations. And here’s to hoping we get to see her show up as an ally in season three!

While we’re on the topic of religion, I would have liked to see more of Rahim’s coming out experience this season. Rahim also lives in a religious household, but unlike Victor, his family accepted his sexuality instantly.

Seeing that scene play out on-screen would show that religion doesn’t always mean homophobia — which is something we had to wait until the end of the season to see made clear with Victor and Isabel’s storyline.

Beyond Victor’s family, almost all of the characters offer up case studies on how to be good friends (and allies) to the people they care about. Felix is always there for Victor. Andrew is always there for Mia — Andrew also had his own ally journey once he realized he had to be vocal about supporting Victor. Lake and Mia are always there for each other.


Rahim and Victor are there for each other. Benji and Victor were there for each other — until the second half of the season, but that’s a different topic entirely. No matter their sexuality or gender, the Love, Victor characters support each other because that’s what it means to be a good friend. This is what allyship is as well. In fact, allyship is kind of just another word for being a good friend to everyone.

Season two of Love, Victor was a reminder that we’re not always going to be the perfect ally, just like we’re not always going to be the perfect friend. Life is messy and so are our familial, romantic, and platonic relationships.

If one thing is for certain it’s that giving up is not an option, especially if we’re insistent on trying to be good friends and allies. And just like the title sequence says, we all need someone to tell us it will be alright — so why not be that person for the people in our life? Or, as I like to call it, being the Pilar.

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Categories
Culture LGBTQIA+ History Music Pop Culture

The forgotten queer and Black foundations that built electronic house music

[Image Description: Electronic music DJ and producer, Kaytranada posing with the two Grammy Awards he won at the 63rd Grammy Awards. He won for Best Dance Song and Best Dance/Electronic Album.] Via We Rave You
[Image Description: Electronic music DJ and producer, Kaytranada posing with the two Grammy Awards he won at the 63rd Grammy Awards. He won for Best Dance Song and Best Dance/Electronic Album.] Via We Rave You

Kaytranada made history when he won the Best Dance/Electronic album at the 63rd Grammy awards this year for Bubba. His achievement was iconic because he was the first black and openly gay man to win this award. This historic win also highlighted how far removed electronic music has become from its minority origins.

“When I was making my last album, I was really inspired by early house DJs, because now when house DJs actually come up, it’s really those white DJs and people don’t think about Black DJs in the sense that play House music,” House DJ and music producer Kaytranada explained to comedian Jaboukie about the inspiration for his sophomore album, Bubba in his 2020 PAPER Pride cover story.

Later in the conversation, Jaboukie added: “Specifically when it comes to electronic music, I feel like there’s such a history of gay, Black, queer, trans people being involved in music. It’s interesting because I feel like you have a lineage,” As an openly gay Black man, Kayranada is definitely a descendant of the early ancestors of house.


Like rock’n’roll, electronic dance music (EDM) has also experienced whitewashing. Today, many EDM enthusiasts seem to think that electronic music and genres such as house, techno, dubstep, and many other sub-genres stemming from the universal need to dance were created by white European men in the early 90s. This couldn’t be further from the truth. They often fail to recognize the communities of color, in particular the black LGBTQIA+ community that created electronic music as we know it today. They also fail to recognize the foundation of almost all current electronic music today stems from house music.

The history of current electronic music, in particular, house music, can be traced back to the underground gay clubs of New York and Chicago. Although the exact origin is unclear, the go-to story is that the genre was named after “The Warehouse” nightclub in Chicago’s South Side. Record stores in the city would attract listeners by playing mixes and dance records “as played at The Warehouse”. That was soon colloquially shortened to “house music”.

The nightclub The Warehouse first opened its doors in 1977 in Chicago. It initially operated as a members-only club almost exclusively frequented by Black and Latino gay men. At the time, gay bars and clubs were the only safe spaces for queer folks, away from police who terrorized Chicago’s gay community.


Sonically, house music was born from the ashes of disco. By the early 80s, there was a “Disco Sucks”  movement, a backlash from the oversaturation of the genre. The “Disco Sucks” movement became anti-dance and therefore anti-gay. As a result, house music was born. It was a blend of disco classics, Euro-beat, and synthesized pop. It has now evolved into many genres and subgenres within electronic music and also influenced pop and hip-hop.

A trailblazer and famous for his early house mixes and amalgamation of recycled soul mixes is DJ Frankie Knuckles. Nicknamed the “Godfather of House”,  Knuckles was also openly gay. Other early innovators included Larry Levan and DJ Ron Hardy, who too were gay and involved in the drag scene.

These pioneers and others played a pivotal role in evolving disco into early house music. They explored creative ways to edit, mix and remix records using innovative techniques. This was due to a lack of DJ equipment. Many DJs didn’t have basic equipment such as a DJ mixer, headphones, or turntables with varying speeds. At this time, DJs often also played the roles of DJ, producer, composer, and remixer.

[Image Description: House pioneer, DJ Ron Hardy performing his set at The Musicbox] Via Red Bull Music Academy Daily
[Image Description: House pioneer, DJ Ron Hardy performing his set at The Music box.] Via Red Bull Music Academy Daily
The early 80s was a vital turning point for DJing and music production. Synthesizers, samplers, sequencers, and drum machines became cheaper and more accessible. DJs and music producers in Chicago delved deeper into dance music production and embraced these machines. DJs would loop basslines, add percussion layers, mix in effects, add vocals, and apply other remixing techniques to make music that people would dance to.

Record labels soon took notice of the rapid popularity of this underground genre. In particular, Chicago-based record label, Trax Records, would commercially release iconic dance tracks including Your Love by Frankie Knuckles, Can You Feel It by Larry Heard, and Move Your Body by Marshall Jefferson.

Around the mid-80s, distinct electronic genres and subgenres emerged. These included deep house and acid house. House music and urban club culture, influenced heavily by gay urban club culture, continued to cultivate these new house sounds in clubs in emerging regional hubs like Heaven in Detroit and The Saint in New York. These new regional hubs often merged their own styles of music with Chicago house. The Saint also helped usher in a new era of electronic music and light shows that would inspire much of the rave aesthetic that now become synonymous with today’s EDM scene.

At the same time, house music has spread internationally, becoming one of the most popular genres in Europe. The first major house success outside of the US is considered to be Love Can’t Turn Around by Farley “Jackmaster” Funk and Jesse Saunders, which peaked at ten on the UK chars in 1986. A year later, Jack Your Body by Steve “Silk” Hurley reached number one on the same charts becoming the first house record to do so.


By 1998, Euro-house, particularly French, Italian, and  UK house explosion, was at its height. At this time, more global influences like broken-beat, Latin jazz, and Afro-house were infiltrating into Euro-house which was now considered the house hub of the world.

“The constant innovation and globality of house music led to the emergence of acid-house and in turn techno and all other electronic sub-genres. In the mix of it all, queer folk of color have somehow slipped out of the established narrative.” Author Luis Manuel-Garcia detailed in  An Alternate History of Sexuality in Club Culture.

Despite its globality and its inspiration for dance, freedom, and acceptance, all of this started with the queer Black people in a small underground Chicago club. DJ-driven dance music may have long since outgrown its minority origins, but it is still essential that this history not be lost and Kaytranada’s Grammy win and many Black electronic DJs in this space are making sure of this.

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Book Reviews Pop Culture

“Meet Cute Diary” is the happy trans love story we’ve all been waiting for

Book cover of “Meet Cute Diary", by Emery Lee.
[Image description: Book cover of “Meet Cute Diary”, by Emery Lee.] Via emeryleebooks.com

Let me begin by saying – if you like cute love stories and popular romance tropes, this book is for you. Meet-cutes, fake dating, friends to lovers… if you have an itch for romance, Meet Cute Diary will definitely scratch it. The book by Emery Lee follows Noah Ramirez, a 16-year-old trans teenager who runs a blog named ‘Meet Cute Diary’. It features meet-cute love stories and is something of a haven for trans people on the Internet. It gives the community (and Noah himself) hope that one day, they too will bump into someone special at an ice cream shop and have the perfect love story. 

The problem? All the stories are fake. 

An Internet troll figures this out and decides to come for the blog, picking apart each post and pointing out inconsistencies that prove the lie. Noah becomes determined to do anything to save his blog.

The majority of the book is set in Denver, Colorado, where Noah is visiting his older brother, Brian, at college. He has to spend his summer dealing with Brian’s annoying girlfriend, the looming threat to the Diary, and missing his best friend Becca whom he has left behind in Florida. Luckily, he meets Drew, who is willing to fake date Noah to lend legitimacy to his stories. (Summer romance? Check! Fake dating? Check! Friends to lovers? You’ll have to read to find out!) 

Noah has a very firm idea of romance, down to the steps every perfect relationship must have – from the meet-cute to the happily-ever-after. I loved the fact that the book chapters actually follow his plan – each chapter is named after a relationship milestone. But as the summer goes on, Noah slowly realizes that life doesn’t really work like a romcom, and things don’t always go according to plan.

Meet Cute Diary is a cleverly written book. It combines classic elements of romance with unexpected twists and turns. Every time I thought I could predict how a particular chapter would end, I was wrong. Emery Lee subverts the classic tropes while still maintaining the essence and cute romance of it all. 

The characters are incredibly well fleshed out. Noah is romantic, idealistic, and a little bit selfish. He is interesting and deeply relatable to anyone who has dreamt of finding true love. Through the stories on his blog, he is a source of comfort to many people – a beacon of hope that says “you deserve to be loved as you are”. But he himself is yet to internalize this message. 

A main thread throughout the book is the need for happy trans love stories. Noah wants his blog to be a haven for trans people, a place where a community can see themselves in the narratives and tropes normally reserved for heteronormative couples. The book Meet Cute Diary itself accomplishes what the eponymous blog sets out to do.

It is also interesting to see the main characters’ lives being distorted in the eyes of the Internet. Each chapter begins with messages or posts from people online reacting to Noah’s blog. The juxtaposition of these comments with his life offline highlights just how precarious online fame can be.


It outlines a cute, coming-of-age story, with a trans boy at its center. The book does not erase the very real struggles of the trans experience, but these only serve as a backstory to the main plot and do not overshadow it. I’ve read classic lighthearted YA romances for years, and although I love them, I can’t really make a case for them in terms of diversity. It was all mostly white, heteronormative stories.

Meet Cute Diary finally gave me common tropes I recognize, but with LGBTQ+ protagonists. The representation is truly heartening. I think it is important for us to have stories where we can see LGBTQ+ protagonists live normal, enriching, funny, and of course, cute lives. As Noah eventually discovers in this story, everybody deserves to be loved.

In the end, Meet Cute Diary ended up being a story that I had both read a million times before, and one I could never have predicted. This itself was enough to make me a fan. Throw in the inclusivity of a POC trans protagonist, meaningful character development, and laugh-out-loud moments (this actually happened, I startled the people in my house), and you’ve got yourself a great YA read!

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Categories
LGBTQIA+ History Coronavirus The World

50 years later, the legacy of Pride lives on

[A group of people adorned in pride-related clothing are walking underneath a pride flag] Via Unsplash
[A group of people adorned in pride-related clothing are walking underneath a pride flag] Via Unsplash

The New York City Pride parade has been cancelled for the first time since its origin 50 years ago. In-person events that were scheduled to take place June 14-28, 2020 are in the process of being reimagined virtually as a result of the coronavirus pandemic.

Pride is a staple in New York City, as it has been since the Stonewall Riots prompted a revolution in June of 1969. The fight for gay-rights as we know it was born and catalyzed here. America in the 1960’s, and in the decades that came before it, was not at all welcoming for those in LGBTQIA+ community. In New York, any inclination of sexual activity between people of the same sex in public was considered illegal. That is, hand holding, kissing, or even dancing. This antiquated and ridiculous law was not overturned until 1980 when the People v. Ronald Onofre case was decided. 

These times were also riddled with discrimination and a series of raids among other forms of abuse on prominent gay bars and clubs in Greenwich village. Such spaces were some of the only places where members of the community could seek refuge and were finally able to express themselves openly without worry. Nonetheless, police brutality on the basis of sexual orientation and just plain bigotry was awfully common during these raids.  

On the night of June 28, 1969 obvious tensions arose between the two groups, and the patrons bravely decided to fight back against the police at the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar that was one of the few of its kind that opened its doors to drag queens. Notably, the first bottle of the uprising, which lasted six whole days, was thrown by a Black transgender woman, Marsha P. Johnson. The protesters were met time and time again with tear-gas and physical altercations with the police, but they persisted. Those in the street are said to have been singing slogans similar to the ones that we hear today like “gay power” and “we shall overcome.” 

It would be an injustice to ignore the contributions of the Black community to this iconic moment that started a resistance.

This moment sparked the beginning of a modern resistance that is beautifully laced with love and versatility. 

It would be an injustice, however, to ignore the coincidences of this past that align with the current civil rights demonstrations happening across the world, declaring defiantly that Black lives matter. Both movements continue to feature a spotlight on recognizing basic human rights while also condemning police practices that terrorize the communities they are meant “to serve and protect.” So much of American history is patterned with this same struggle, consistency, and perseverance. Not to mention that it was, in fact, Black women who spearheaded this revolution 51 years ago, and 51 years later Black women are again at the forefront of a movement seeking to eradicate systemic inequality. We must not let this go unnoticed.

The year after what has come to be known as the Stonewall riots, June of 1970, marked the first ever Pride parade in New York City. Though it took a long time to come, the LGBTQIA+ community has certainly overcome much of the hate and marginalization that has been thrown its way. But, they’re still fighting. To this day, new non-discrimination protections are being fought for and passed all because of their constant effort and strength. 

Since then, New York City and its Pride parade has been a proven safe-haven for vulnerable and battered communities alike. It is a time for people to come together and celebrate themselves as phoenixes who have risen way above the ashes while also acknowledging the slashed history that they are eternally attached to. 

Just last year, New York City hosted world WorldPride and some 2 million people were in attendance. This in and of itself is a testament to the impact that the revolution has had, and continues to have, all over the world. Such ever-clear and unrelenting perseverance is nothing less of an inspiration. 

Today, as the coronavirus runs its raging course throughout the United States, New York City has been noticeably hit the hardest. With nearly 212,000 confirmed cases and over 20,000 deaths thus far in the City alone, New Yorkers are being urged to remain full of the hope and drive that makes us so thick-skinned in the first place. But, this is not an easy feat, especially given the turmoil that seems to be slowly encapsulating every bit of our daily lives. Once again, we have set out in a movement that looks to challenge history and change it for good. For the LGBTQIA+ community, that anxiety is heightened tremendously. 

The absence of the iconic Pride parade will certainly have a dramatic financial impact on the people and businesses that have come to rely on it. Not to mention the mental toll that will surely come along without a break from mobilizing, resource, or strategy efforts concerning the ongoing, and seemingly never-ending, fight for equal rights. It is certainly an all-hands-on-deck sort of thing. This fight is fought every single day, with the smallest actions sometimes making the most noise, and none of it should go unnoticed. 

The contributions that the LGBTQIA+ community has made to both the City and to the greater struggle for equality are undeniable. So, the decision to cancel Pride this year was not easy. But, it was definitely necessary. However, just because the pandemic prevents us from physically coming together this year, it does not mean that the spirit of Pride in New York City won’t be felt just the same.

An online Global Pride will be broadcasted for 24-hours straight on June 27, starting in the east and moving west. Each local or participating pride chapter is hoped to have an allotment of 15-minutes of airtime each, depending on individual time zones, for performances and speeches by grand marshals. This is a community that has always come together in the face of adversity and this year is no different. My wish is for this to be yet another example of the LGBTQIA+ communities resilience that should be honored and remembered, especially in a context of human rights.

Categories
LGBTQIA+ Gender & Identity Love + Sex Life

21 things you’ll only understand if you’re asexual

Being different in a heteronormative society is not easy. What makes being different even more difficult is being part of a smaller minority than one can think possible: people who identify as asexual. Making up only about 1% of the world’s population, it is easy to feel alone and misunderstood.

But fear not! While we are a minute percentage of the human population, we do exist! In fact, since we are such a small population, I think it’s possible that we have shared many experiences as we try to navigate the large world around us, while also trying to figure out our sexuality and how to express that.

1. So many people ask: “What does that mean?”

Gif of Dean Winchester, a white man with short light brown hair and green eyes, from the tv show, Supernatural, raising his eyebrows, nodding, and saying "Good question."
Gif of Dean Winchester, a white man with short light brown hair and green eyes, from the tv show, Supernatural, raising his eyebrows, nodding, and saying “Good question.”

To be fair, that is a good question, which I’ll happily answer. Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) aptly states that asexuality is an orientation where a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction. In other words, they are not sexually drawn to people, nor do they desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way.

2. How annoying it gets when people say “Oh you can’t be asexual. You just haven’t met the right person yet!”

Gif of Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes holding up a white sign that says "STOP IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY" and wiggling his fingers on his other hand
Gif of Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes holding up a white sign that says “STOP IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY” and wiggling his fingers on his other hand

This is the equivalent of telling an atheist that they haven’t found God, or telling a lesbian that they haven’t found “the right man.” It is rude and it certainly isn’t anyone’s place to tell them such things. Therefore, it is nobody’s place to tell an asexual that their sexuality is invalid, a lie, or what they “should” be feeling.

3. Or how inappropriate it is for people to say “You can’t be asexual! That’s impossible! Asexuality doesn’t exist!”

Gif of Louise Belcher, a white girl with black hair and a pink rabbit ears hat, from animated show Bob's Burgers saying "Please stop, please stop, please stop."
Gif of Louise Belcher, a white girl with black hair and a pink rabbit ears hat, from animated show Bob’s Burgers saying “Please stop, please stop, please stop.”

Please see the above point. Invalidating someone’s sexual orientation and the existence of it is beyond inappropriate.

4. How annoying it gets when people assume that, just because you are asexual, you must be aromantic.

Gif of Oprah, a black woman with straight, black hair, greenish yellow top, and hoop earrings, shaking her head in No.
Gif of Oprah, a black woman with straight, black hair, greenish yellow top, and hoop earrings, shaking her head in No.

Asexual does not mean aromantic. They are two different definitions. Is it possible to be both asexual and aromantic? Yes. Is it possible to be one but not the other? Also yes.

5. And even if you are aromantic, people act like you are weird, or broken.

Gif of black and white kitten from Disney film, Pinocchio, shaking head and frowning
Gif of black and white kitten from Disney film, Pinocchio, shaking head and frowning

We are often bombarded by this idea that we cannot live fulfilling lives without a romantic partner. But it is possible to be an aromantic and an interesting, complex person. People have no place to make aromantic people feel otherwise.

6. Having to constantly explain that celibacy and asexuality are not the same things.

Gif of a black female with curly, black hair shaking her head and saying "So remind yourself that those are two different things."
Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background

Taking a vow of celibacy is voluntary. Being asexual is not. Not to mention: not all asexual people are celibate, and not all celibate people are asexual.

7. Having to explain that asexuality is a legitimate sexuality, and it is a spectrum.

Gif of Homer Simpson, a yellow balding man with a white shirt, putting his arm around his wife Marge, a yellow woman with blue curly hair, a red necklace, a green dress, and a pink sweater, and telling her "Let me walk you through it." from the show, The Simpsons
Gif of Homer Simpson, a yellow balding man with a white shirt, putting his arm around his wife Marge, a yellow woman with blue curly hair, a red necklace, a green dress, and a pink sweater, and telling her “Let me walk you through it.” from the show, The Simpsons

And what a broad spectrum it is! I highly recommend reading AVEN’s website and this Huffington Post article and infographic for more information about that spectrum.

8. Feeling out of place in a world that puts so much emphasis on sex.

Gif of Maleficent, a thin, white woman with black horns and clothing, blue eyes and red lips, looking downcast, from the movie, Maleficent
Gif of Maleficent, a thin, white woman with black horns and clothing, blue eyes and red lips, looking downcast, from the movie, Maleficent

9. Seriously… you wonder how sexual attraction even works.

Gif of Winona Ryder, a white woman with a black dress, a necklace, and dark brown hair, looking around confused as white math equations appear around her, as she stands between two tall white men in black suits and bow-ties and white shirts
Gif of Winona Ryder, a white woman with a black dress, a necklace, and dark brown hair, looking around confused as white math equations appear around her, as she stands between two tall white men in black suits and bow-ties and white shirts

10. Before you learned about asexuality, not having a name for your orientation was… challenging.

Gif of a white blonde woman licking her lips, taking a deep breath, and straightening her posture, from the show Homeland
Gif of a white blonde woman licking her lips, taking a deep breath, and straightening her posture, from the show Homeland

11. Yet finding out that there’s a name for your orientation, and there are people out there just like you…

Gif of Jake, a yellow dog with wide, lit up eyes, saying "It's so beautiful!", from the show Adventure Time
Gif of Jake, a yellow dog with wide, lit up eyes, saying “It’s so beautiful!”

It’s just amazing.

12. AND learning about the complexity of asexuality…mind blown.

Gif of Barney Stinson, a white, blonde man in a white shirt, light gray suit, and a dark striped tie, imitating a motion of brain exploding as he extends his hands away from his face, from the show How I Met Your Mother
Gif of Barney Stinson, a white, blonde man in a white shirt, light gray suit, and a dark striped tie, imitating a motion of brain exploding as he extends his hands away from his face.

Seriously, did I mention that asexuality is a spectrum?

13. Since asexuals fill about 1% of the world’s population, you often worry about whether or not you’ll find a suitable romantic partner (that is, if you are not aromantic).

Gif of Roger, a white, blond man, smoking a pipe and wide-eyed with worry, from Disney movie 101 Dalmatians
Gif of Roger, a white, blond man, smoking a pipe and wide-eyed with worry, from Disney movie 101 Dalmatians

14. Lack of asexual representation hardly helps either.

Gif of woman of color, in front of red and white stripes of US flag, speaking into a microphone and saying: "Representation is so critical, especially now."
Gif of a woman of color, in front of red and white stripes of US flag, speaking into a microphone and saying: “Representation is so critical, especially now.”

Hello? Is anybody asexual out there? You wouldn’t know it from pop culture sometimes.

15. Yet when you DO find asexual representation in pop culture…

Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, telling Bojack, a brown, anthropomorphic horseman, in pajamas, "I am asexual." as he holds out his arms, from the show Bojack Horseman
Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, telling Bojack, a brown, anthropomorphic horseman, in pajamas, “I am asexual.” as he holds out his arms.

16. …as well as possibly asexual historical role models…

Gif of a black man with black hair and mustache, dressed in a blue suit, a light blue shirt, and a dark blue tie with a yellow paisley pattern, nodding his head
Gif of a black man with black hair and mustache, dressed in a blue suit, a light blue shirt, and a dark blue tie with a yellow paisley pattern, nodding his head

Though, keep in mind: the asexuality label was not around for these people to claim, but it is still nice to know that they possibly were asexual (though the inclusion of Adolf Hitler in the list does make me sad).

17. …and well-written articles on asexuality…

Gif of Ian Somerhalder, a white man with brown hair, blue eyes, a black jacket, and white shirt, making a sign of triumph with his arm, as he sits on a periwinkle blue couch
Gif of Ian Somerhalder, a white man with brown hair, blue eyes, a black jacket, and white shirt, making a sign of triumph with his arm, as he sits on a periwinkle blue couch

I particularly love this analysis of Jessica Rabbit being asexual, and this interesting one from the BBC.

18. …and an ace friend who understands…

Gif of Daria, a white girl with brown hair, a green jacket, a skirt, and black boots, walking to her best friend, Jane, a white girl with short black hair, blue eyes, red lips, a red jacket, black clothing and boots, and hugging her, from the show Daria
Gif of Daria, a white girl with brown hair, a green jacket, a skirt, and black boots, walking to her best friend, Jane, a white girl with short black hair, blue eyes, red lips, a red jacket, black clothing and boots, and hugging her.

19. …or even a group of ace friends in the same boat…

Gif of the Genie, a big, blue figure wearing a yellow Hawaiian style shirt, hugging Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, the Magic Carpet, and Rajah, a big tiger, close together, from the Disney film Aladdin
Gif of the Genie, a big, blue figure wearing a yellow Hawaiian style shirt, hugging Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, the Magic Carpet, and Rajah, a big tiger, close together, from the Disney film Aladdin

20. …you know you couldn’t be happier or more content to be you.

Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, looking over a different people near a sign that says "ASEXUAL MEET-UP ALL ACES WELCOME!" in purple lettering. Also, a woman of color with turquoise hair, a black top and blue trousers, waves Todd over, from the show Bojack Horseman
Gif of Todd, a white man with stubble, blue hair, a yellow beanie, a red hoodie and gray jogger trousers with white stripes, looking over a different people near a sign that says “ASEXUAL MEET-UP ALL ACES WELCOME!” in purple lettering. Also, a woman of color with turquoise hair, a black top and blue trousers, waves Todd over, from the show Bojack Horseman

21. And even if a friend of yours isn’t ace… it’s still great to know they’ve got your back because they love you for you.

Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background
Gif of a blue cat and orange cat embracing each other as red hearts rise up, in a pink background
Categories
USA LGBTQIA+ Gender Policy Inequality

Never forget that the first-ever Pride was a riot against police brutality

[Image description: Marsha P. Johnson wears a flower crown and smiles into the camera.] via The Marsha P. Johnson Institute
[Image description: Marsha P. Johnson wears a flower crown and smiles into the camera.] via The Marsha P. Johnson Institute

Pride Month is a time of celebration for the queer community.

While the joy of Pride might still be struggling to gain a foothold in some places, in most major cities across the United States this month will be marked with parades and parties. Brands are rolling out rainbow-stamped merchandise and sponsoring parade floats. But Pride isn’t just a time of revelry; it’s also a time of remembrance.

We celebrate Pride in the month of June because it marks the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.

In 1969, queer life was decidedly not something that could be celebrated by mainstream culture. Police regularly raided gay nightclubs, arresting people who were wearing clothing that didn’t conform to their assigned gender or were suspected of “soliciting” same-sex relations. Up until 1966, the New York State Liquor Authority would shut down or otherwise punish bars that sold alcohol to members of the LGBTQ+ community, arguing that a group of queer people was somehow inherently more disorderly than a group of straight people.

In 1969, homosexual acts–kissing, holding hands, dancing together–were still illegal in New York. So on the night of June 28, 1969, police raided the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar that is still open in Greenwich Village. 

In 1969, queer life was decidedly not something celebrated by mainstream culture.


Stonewall was one of the few bars that welcomed drag queens, who were often shunned from other LGBT spaces.

The police started arresting bar patrons and employees who were violating the law about gender-appropriate clothing. When an officer clubbed a Black lesbian named Stormé DeLarverie over the head for complaining that her handcuffs were too tight, the crowd that had gathered outside the club had enough.

Marsha P. Johnson, a Black drag queen, and Sylvia Rivera, a Latinx queen, were two of the first to actively resist the police that night, throwing bricks, bottles, and shot glasses at officers. Their actions sparked six days of riots in the neighborhood surrounding the Stonewall Inn and galvanized the nascent gay rights movement in the United States.

Johnson and Rivera later started Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries (STAR,) an organization dedicated to serving young, homeless drag queens and trans women of color. Sadly, today queer people of color and especially trans and gender nonconforming people of color continue to be the most vulnerable members of the queer community, despite the fact that we have Johnson and Rivera to thank for so much of our achievements since 1969.

Transgender people of color face the highest rates of violent crime.


Today, 60% of the victims of anti-LGBTQ violence and anti-HIV crimes are people of color, despite the fact that people of color make up only 38% of the U.S. population. Likewise, while only about 3.5% of the U.S. population is composed of undocumented immigrants, they made up 17% of the victims in this study. It’s hard to get definite numbers on hate crimes, so there is certainly a margin for error in these numbers, but the trends here are clear and disturbing. 

Despite the rising acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community in many parts of the country, rates of homicide against our community are also rising. And as you may have guessed by now, those rates are especially high for trans and queer people of color. Transgender people of color face the highest rates of violent crime of all queer people. The majority of victims of anti-LGBTQ violence said that police were “hostile” or “indifferent” when they reported the crimes.

As a result, many choose not to report, so the numbers are likely worse than we know.

While we have achieved marriage equality, other legal battles still remain. So far, only two states–California and Illinois– have banned the use of the “gay panic defense” in court. Essentially, the gay panic defense is used when someone has committed violence against a queer person because that queer person’s alleged sexual advances made the perpetrator so scared they lashed out.

While we have achieved marriage equality, other legal battles still remain.


Some people argue that the defense is uncommon and unlikely to succeed, so banning it is unnecessary, but one study found that it has been used in about half of U.S. states, with a mixed record of success–a man in Texas was acquitted of murder based on his lawyer’s successful use of the gay panic defense. More importantly, though, advocates for the ban argue that it is important not to allow queer identity to ever be sufficient cause for violence.

That seems especially important amid the increasing rates of homicide against queer and trans people.

In 28 states, it is still legal to fire someone based on their real or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity.

Since there are no federal anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people, there are limited ways for people in those states to fight back.

Likewise, 28 states have no protections for the queer community against housing discrimination. Three of those states (North Carolina, Tennessee, and Arkansas) have even passed state laws that block local governments from enacting housing protections for LGBTQ+ people. About 50% of queer Americans live in states that lack these kinds of protections.

And despite our gains in recent years, the rollout of “religious exemption” bills in states controlled by Republican lawmakers threaten our access to all kinds of services and rights, from adopting kids to receiving medical care.

I love celebrating Pride. As an introvert, it can feel like I save up all my energy for socializing to expend it this month at parades, demonstrations, drag shows, and dance parties. But now is a time to not only remember, but also revive Pride’s revolutionary roots.

Our rights and our very lives are still under attack, and the most vulnerable members of our community need not only solidarity but action.

Categories
LGBTQIA+ Politics The World

Egypt’s LGBTQ community is being persecuted using Grindr – what are we going to do about it?

Facebook/Rainbow Egypt

After rainbow flags waved in celebration at a Mashrou’ Leila concert in Cairo on September 27th, the Egyptian government began a renewed crackdown on LGBTQ+ Egyptians, leading to multiple arrests and, in some cases, forced anal examinations.

While the Egyptian government doesn’t explicitly criminalize homosexuality, citizens have been regularly arrested for engaging in what is prejudicially regarded as “blasphemy” or “debauchery.”  Homophobia is a deeply entrenched in Egypt’s social and political fabric, with unabated instances of homosexual persecution as seen by the 80 baseless anti-LGBTQ+ arrests in the last year alone. Since the concert, 33 people (32 men and one woman) have been detained by Egyptian officials on charges based on their perceived sexual orientation with approximately 22 of those arrests occurring within the last three days.

This horrendous crackdown also includes government monitoring of social media and data from queer dating applications to track down and arrest LGBTQ+ users.

Since then, many queer Egyptians have deleted media or suspended use of such applications, with sites like Grindr also issuing pop-up warnings against logging in for those in the area. A young, 19-year-old man was arrested via police baiting on one of these dating applications almost immediately after the concert and is now facing 6 years of jail time with an additional 6 years of probation, which forebodingly warns of the kinds of sentences the rest of the detainees may face once they stand trial.

What is perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the situation, is the blatant disregard for international law on the prohibition of torture and ill-treatment. About five detainees have been subjected to forced anal examinations, a procedure common for this specific prosecution in Egypt, to check for “evidence of gay sex.” This vile procedure was denounced by Najia Bounaim, Amnesty International’s North Africa campaigns director, who pointedly stated that that such procedures “are tantamount to torture” and that “there [are] no scientific basis for such tests and they cannot be justified under any circumstances.” Amnesty International itself has called for the immediate halt of these examinations, as well the as the release of the detained citizens.

Activists have taken to appropriately taken to social to shed light on the human rights violations occurring within the country. From the #stopjailinggays (#ضد_حبس_المثليين) on Twitter to the Facebook group calling for protests to gather outside as many global Egyptian embassies as possible, Egypt’s LGBTQ+ population is fighting back.

You yourself can help by learning more about the issue, spreading awareness, and getting involved with Amnesty International, No H8 Egypt, and Human Rights Watch.

The people of Egypt demand to be heard. It’s high time we listened.