Category: Wedding

Categories
Wedding Beauty Lookbook Weddings

This is how Desi creatives have revolutionized Mehendi

A collage of mehendi on different hands
[Image Description: A collage of mehendi on different hands] Via Izzah Khan

This Eid ul Fitr was the second time the festivities were held under a strict lockdown due to the global pandemic. My mom and I were once again tasked with applying Mehendi on each other’s hands the night before Eid. A task we would have – under ordinary circumstances – delegated to someone far more skilled.   

The first step was choosing a design. Since neither of us happened to be seasoned experts in applying Mehendi (my mom initially struggled with how to hold the henna cone), we resorted to scrolling through the Instagram Mehendi tag, waiting for inspiration to strike. We were immediately bombarded with a flurry of designs – Arabic Mehendi, different colors, glitter, stamps, stickers, and paisleys.

As midnight drew near, we sat in our living room, combing through endless content and rejecting each other’s picks. In the midst of all this, I pulled up Dr. Azra’s Instagram account. For those unfamiliar with her work, Dr. Azra has a verified Instagram platform of over 126,000 followers where she is most known for her ‘minimalist Mehendi art’, a phrase that many traditionalists would reckon to be an oxymoron.

This incredible demand for more of her work prompted the Mehendi artist to start her own brand of henna cones and stencils. Her artwork has been featured in exhibitions and renowned publications including Vogue and Allure, and she has even hosted workshops where she teaches the unique, often geometric, brand of Mehendi designs that have become synonymous with her name. She is biannually tagged in thousands of ‘inspired by @dr.azra’ Instagram stories before both Eids. 

Five posts of simple henna designs on a hand and one post advertising a henna cone and stencil kit in a box.
[Image Description: Five posts of simple henna designs on a hand and one post advertising a henna cone and stencil kit in a box. ] Via Dr.Azra on Instagram
Needless to say, I’m a huge fan. My mom? Not so much.

Not only did my mom make a face at every design of Dr. Azra’s when I tried to coax her into imitating her designs, but she couldn’t understand why anyone would want to have simple geometric patterns and lines temporarily tattooed onto their hands. Meanwhile, I found myself steering clear of the intricate designs that came up with images of fully decked-out brides (I had pretty realistic expectations of my Mehendi design abilities) and felt drawn to the more simplistic variants of Mehendi designs.

So, instead of drawing the poor-man’s-version of Arabic Mehendi or a chess-board imprint on our hands, we met in the middle and settled on a simple floral design.

Two hands with floral Mehendi patterns applied placed across from each other on a checkered background
[Image Description: Two hands with floral Mehendi patterns applied placed across from each other on a checkered background] Via Izzah Khan
Mehendi has been around for centuries, with its earliest use documented in Egypt where it was used to nourish hair and stain fingernails. It was then adopted by people in India (the subcontinent, not the present-day political state) and used for body art. Mehendi has even become synonymous with South Asian wedding ceremonies, where henna is applied to the hands and sometimes the feet of the bride pre-wedding reception. It is also a big part of chand raat (moon night) culture for Muslims, which is the name given to the night before Eid, when most of the prep for the festivities of the following day take place.

However, the chand raat experience with my mom did leave me wondering why our tastes regarding a centuries-old tradition happen to be so diametrically opposed. A reason I settled on was how desi creatives of recent times have been successful in reclaiming parts of their culture they were largely ostracized for growing up.

I remember being told to scrub my hands clean to fade the Mehendi faster after returning to school from our Eid break. This happened whilst living in Pakistan, when I attended a school where the majority of the population were Muslims who celebrated Eid. Still, we were taught that something so ingrained in our culture was not part of our uniform. We have been told henna tattoos look unprofessional, or mocked for how Mehendi smells. This has more to do with how we equate whiteness to professionalism and propriety than with anything wrong on our part. Despite how often I get made fun of for linking everything back to colonization, this too is derivative of it.

[Image Description: Mughal-era painting depicting an Indian man and Indian woman with Mehendi patterns adorning her hands and feet.] Via webneel.com
Mughal-era Painting depicting an Indian woman with Mehendi on her hands.
[Image Description: Mughal-era Painting depicting an Indian woman with Mehendi on her hands.] Via webneel.com
Nowadays, Mehendi has become far more mainstream and garnered the white-people-stamp-of-approval. I’ve scrolled past videos of natural redheads applying henna to their hair for vibrancy and the added health benefits (known to us of course, for centuries), TikTok influencers showing us how to use henna cones to draw on fake freckles and temporary tattoos, with their videos raking in hundreds of thousands of views.

In reclaiming our culture, desi creatives brought forth a new era of Mehendi, essentially breathing new life into a tradition that had otherwise seen little innovation over the past couple of decades. This trend of minimalist Mehendi is an act of defiance and rebellion, just as much as it is one of celebration.



Get The Tempest in your inbox. Read more exclusives like this in our weekly newsletter!

Categories
Outfits Wedding Style Fashion Lookbook Weddings

ASOS really thought they could appropriate South Asian bridal fashion

The two ASOS Bridal Lenghas advertised on Twitter.
[Image Description: The two ASOS Bridal Lenghas advertised on Twitter.] Via ASOS.

If you hang around Twitter, you may have seen the now-viral post from ASOS about their upcoming South Asian bridal line. I first saw the post with my sister – she looked confused and agitated as she held up her phone to show the photos to me. My thought was, “well, it can’t be that bad.” Initially, it didn’t make sense to me why my sister was so troubled over the photos, and it didn’t even really sink in what it meant for a brand like ASOS to be selling South Asian bridal lehengas.

Screenshot of a Tweet by ASOS announcing 'We've just expanded our bridal range' accompanied by two photos of a model wearing a pink dress and a grey dress.
[Image Description: Screenshot of a Tweet by ASOS announcing ‘We’ve just expanded our bridal range’ accompanied by two photos of a model wearing a pink dress and a grey dress.] Via Twitter
Then I got a close-up look at the lehengas – it couldn’t be avoided as my Twitter feed was flooded with every South Asian person I know retweeting and sharing their opinions. As you expect, it wasn’t good. I know that living in North America, I should probably have lowered my expectations from the start. And besides that, fast fashion is never reliable when it comes to fair, cultural representation. I mean, look at Shein and the mess they stirred up when they marketed Muslim prayer mats as Greek carpets. So one can imagine the standards are already low. 

But seeing my culture turned into, as said by the great words of my friend, ‘white girl prom dress core’, really hurts. Maybe it’s time we stop settling for this kind of appropriation, which is watered down to the white gaze.



So you might be wondering, what exactly did ASOS do wrong? And I could say everything, but that doesn’t cut it. For starters, the beadwork is too light. South Asian bridal dresses are known for the heavy beadwork and glamorous sparkle. The tweet below shows some great examples of dresses that would be on the higher end of the spectrum, but the concept remains the same even with affordable bridal lehengas and gowns. 

Screenshot of a Tweet by hajar | hijabi skinfluencer that says 'ACTUAL bridal outfits. A simple google search would show u what South Asian brides wear. I promise you, we do NOT mess around with our outfits. Not for the mehndi, or engagement, and certainly not for the wedding', accompanied by four images of South Asian bridal wear.
[Image Description: Screenshot of a Tweet by hajar | hijabi skinfluencer that says ‘ACTUAL bridal outfits. A simple google search would show u what South Asian brides wear. I promise you, we do NOT mess around with our outfits. Not for the mehndi, or engagement, and certainly not for the wedding’, accompanied by four images of South Asian bridal wear.] Via Twitter
Then there’s the actual design of the beadwork, which ASOS got wrong on both dresses. The pink outfit has the beadwork all over, but it’s an unstructured mess – the beads should not be dangling around. It would be a hassle to wear with heavy jewelry, another staple in South Asian weddings. The top on the grey outfit looks better in comparison, the beadwork is more structured, and there’s some semblance of a design, but when your eyes gaze at the skirt, there’s just nothing. A plain lehenga skirt might become the monster that haunts my nightmares.

The worst offense by far is the simple lack of a dupatta. No words can describe how important a dupatta is to a woman’s wedding look. Many women will choose to have two dupattas, one to match their outfits and the other to match the groom’s outfits. Honestly, these outfits are such a disgrace to South Asian bridalwear that it’s safe to say I would never wear them to any event. God knows that I would be the least stylish person in the room if I did.

But while all of that is enough to rile up anyone with a mild interest in fashion, it doesn’t hit the root of the issue. This all comes back to the western appropriation of other cultures. That grey dress with its more structured design? The concept is taken directly from more well-known South Asian designers like Élan and Sana Safinaz. 

Image of a woman wearing traditional, South Asian bridal wear by fashion designer Élan. A blush pink dress with silver embellishments.
[Image Description: Image of a woman wearing traditional, South Asian bridal wear by fashion designer Élan. A blush pink dress with silver embellishments.] Via Élan on Instagram
Of course, this isn’t the first time fast fashion has failed us by appropriating our culture. Some discourse went around a while back where Shien, Romwe, and Zaful all appropriated the traditional Chinese dress known as a qipao to make the traditional dress appear more western and “sexy.” And let’s not forget Kim Kardashian and the “Kimono” drama. 

And yet, the appropriation of our cultures doesn’t stop there! Oh no, because you see, the west has been taking pieces of Asian culture for years now. We’ve had “chai tea” (that literally translates to “tea tea”), henna tattoos sold at stores like Claire’s, several different Victoria’s Secret shows which have appropriated many different cultures, bindis being turned into a white girl fashion trend, and more. I could go on for days if I were to recount every time white people stole something from another culture and then watered it down, threw out the cultural or spiritual significance, and then proceeded to mock us while using our stuff anyways. 

Even if ASOS got this right and made spectacular South Asian wedding lehengas, we would have to question the legitimacy. Fast fashion aims to make quick money off the hard work of others who are never appropriately compensated. Their claims of representation are usually just sugar-coated lies. And it hurts to think that ASOS will get away with this. I mean, other fashion brands have done for years. They will either end up unscathed and make bank on these ‘exotic’ dresses, or they’ll make an apology after seeing the backlash and then move on as if it never happened. 

If you care at all about South Asians and stopping appropriation, I implore you not to let this slide. When you see something like this happen, speak up. Explain this to your friends and make them stand with you. Choose local and authentic South Asian shops. Let’s finally make progress towards stopping cultural appropriation.

Get The Tempest in your inbox. Read more exclusives like this in our weekly newsletter!

Categories
Wedding Weddings

Have you ever wondered why brides carry flower bouquets?

A White woman holding a bouquet of white and pink flowers while wearing a white wedding dress.
[Image Description: A White woman holding a bouquet of white and pink flowers while wearing a white wedding dress.] Via Pexels

If you’re a bride-to-be in the middle of planning your wedding, one of the many things on your long to-do list is picking out flowers. More importantly, picking out the flowers that you want in your bouquet as you walk down the aisle.  Bouquets are aesthetically pleasing and they also give brides something to do with their hands. It’s a win-win situation. While many of us are accustomed to seeing brides holding bouquets on their big days, I am sure the origin of the tradition is a mystery to most.

A bowl of herbs used for herb bouquets at weddings.
[Image Description: A bowl of herbs used for herb bouquets at weddings.] via Pixabay
The tradition began in Ancient Greece and Rome. Brides would carry herbs and spices with them down the aisle. A typical bouquet would be made from garlic and other herbs that were arranged together. The purpose of holding the flowers was to ward off evil spirits that might curse the newlywed couples. Brides also wore garlands along with their bouquets.  The garland was a symbol of life and fertility.

Also, in ancient times the bride was considered to be lucky and fortunate. Since they were seen as individuals who possessed plenty of luck, their wedding guests would swarm and surround them to try and grab onto pieces of their dress.  By tearing parts of the bride’s dress away, they were hoping to transfer some luck and fortune to themselves. The swarming of the bride was actually pretty dangerous and resulted in injury. Sounds a little scary and intense, right?

Many believe that brides also started carrying bouquets because it helped alleviate unfortunate injuries at weddings.  Instead of creating a mob of wedding guests eager to grab a piece of the bride’s dress, people could simply catch the bouquet for good luck. I think many us of would agree that catching a bouquet or a garter is definitely safer than a full-on mob.

Along with protecting a bride from evil spirits and their overly excited wedding guests, there is another reason behind brides carrying wedding bouquets.  It is a little gross and unhygienic, but it re-enforced the wedding tradition of carrying a bouquet in the Victorian Era. In the 15th century, they didn’t exactly bathe often. What I mean by this is that they only had a bath once a year in May.  Hopefully, they at least washed the important areas from time to time!

Baths in May meant that June weddings were popular because brides and grooms would be at their cleanest. Although they were supposedly “clean” from the yearly bath,  brides would use bouquets to help mask any odors. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that they did not have any perfume or body spray back then.

On the more romantic side of things, during the Victorian era, brides would use their bouquets to send messages to their significant others. Different flowers represent different meanings, so the flowers that the bride chose for their bouquet could have a special meaning. That’s pretty romantic to me!

The reasons for carrying bouquets down the aisle in the past were truly unique and actually very practical. Today,  most people do not use them to ward off evil spirits or mask body odor. So, it’s completely understandable if you do not want to carry a bouquet down the aisle.

Don’t get me wrong, I think bouquets are beautiful and I love seeing all the intricate flower arrangements at weddings.  For one thing, you are already in a big dress which might have a long train. By that point, you might as well hold a bouquet too.

Get The Tempest in your inbox. Read more exclusives like this in our weekly newsletter!

Categories
Wedding Movies Pop Culture

The film ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ is actually a big fat Pakistani Wedding

Pakistani Wedding
[Image Description: Three women in shock from the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding] via Gold Circle Films

The film My Big Fat Greek Wedding aptly portrays the drama that piles along when you decide to marry outside your ethnicity. When I first watched the film many years ago, I could not help but compare the storyline to its closeness with a typical Pakistani wedding.

The main lead of the film, Toula Portokalos, a first-generation American, decides to get married to an American, Ian Miller. Now, usually, when we watch Hollywood films or consume any form of western media, a general perception is that they are free to take their own decisions and live life as per their rules.

[Image Description: Married My Big Fat Greek Wedding GIF that reads, “It’s like.. she don’t want to get married.”] via GIPHY
Unfortunately, that is not the case with poor Toula, who is 30, single, living with her parents, and still dependent on them to approve her life partner that SHE has to spend her life with.



My Big Fat Greek Wedding is quite similar to how the institution of marriage is handled in most Pakistani households. Considered normal, it a norm in most Desi households in the South Asian setup, where women (and even men) have to undergo the ridiculous scenario of getting ‘approval’ from the parents of their potential partner.

I have carefully dissected a few scenes from the film to make sure you can see the similarities, too.

[Image Description: Mom Eat GIF By My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 that reads, “When I was your age we didn’t have food.”] via GIPHY
Toula and her mother Maria have a typical relationship that many women in Pakistan have with their mothers.

For every, “Mom, I have a problem,” Toula’s mother had a similar response to what I get to hear every day. “When I was your age…” Sometimes, I want to go to Toula and assure her that she is not alone.

[Image Description: College Life Lol GIF that reads, “WHY YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME?”] via GIPHY
My family wants me to get married, be settled and have a family of my own, yet at the same time the level of separation anxiety only matches that of Toula’s parents.



All Toula wanted was to go back to school and resume studies, and her Dad’s reaction was as if she was going to the moon. If you have had 20 missed calls from your parents and have survived THAT moment of horror, you’re a real one.

[Image Description: Valentines Day Love GIF By My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2] via GIPHY
God forbid anyone in a Desi household finds out you are seeing someone.

I have all of my family blocked from my socials for this very reason.

It becomes a national topic of discussion, you are judged and talked about as if caught supplying drugs. The exact happened with Toula when her nosy cousin sees her with Ian. Instead of taking a sigh of relief that the girl is finally taking a go at her love life which everyone was so worried about, they wanted her to break it off with him. Snake cousins are the WORST. I have all of my family blocked from my socials for this very reason.

[Image Description: Fun Laughing GIF By My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2] via GIPHY
Meeting the parents means meeting my parents, siblings, dogs, birds, cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, house help and most importantly my doorman. The guy would need all these people’s approval and then if he manages to survive their unnecessary probing, he might also need to ask me. Just, maybe. Ian is introduced to Toula’s family under similar circumstances. Also, never forget the huge food feast because in reality, who really cares about the two of you or your future together. The family that eats (a lot of food) together, stays together! You can get married another day, MAYBE.

[Image Description: Nia Vardalos Comedy GIF By My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 that reads, “WE’RE BAAAACK!”] via GIPHY
When Toula’s family finally approved Ian and the wedding arrangements started, I thought maybe now the two will have some say in their wedding affairs. Guess I was being too hopeful. The entire family is too involved in the planning of everything.

She would have been called an ‘out larki‘ (rebel) in most Pakistani households.

So much so, that the aunts did not get a chance to ask Toula when she would have her first baby, a question every Desi auntie wants an answer to when they see a girl in a bridal dress.

Pakistani Wedding
[Image Description: Fun Marry GIF By My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 that reads, “THE WEDDING IS ON!”] via GIPHY
You cannot answer back and have to pretend to be ‘shy’ because that is what good girls do. Toula was not a ‘good girl’ according to her extended family’s standards. She would have been called an ‘out larki‘ (rebel) in most Pakistani households.

Pakistani Wedding
[Image Description: Shocked My Big Fat Greek Wedding GIF that reads, “Ian’s a vegetarian. He doesn’t eat meat.”] via GIPHY
One thing that all Pakistani moms want is for you to get to your husband’s heart through food. If he does not eat the same kind of food that your mother makes or has taught you, you will obviously lose the way.

You cannot marry a good man outside your community, but are expected to survive with someone potentially toxic all your life as long as he’s from your community.

This is exactly what happened when aunt Voula got upset about Ian not eating meat. A vegetarian in the family? Are you crazy? No meat? No wedding. Repeat after me.

Despite all these similarities, the one thing that closely hit close to a Pakistani wedding set up was Toula and Ian hiding their relationship due to ethnic and religious differences. Sneak into most unaccomplished love stories in a Desi house and you would find that couples are told to break it off on the sole basis of religious, sectarian or ethnic differences. You cannot marry a good man outside your community, but are expected to survive with someone potentially toxic all your life as long as he’s from your community.



Though not planned, My Big Fat Greek Weeding sarcastically gets a jibe at the old school traditions of a Pakistani wedding that only makes the idea of getting married seem difficult and draining. Now, I’m going to watch the film again because it’s always nice to laugh it out while you are living it.

Get The Tempest in your inbox. Read more exclusives like this in our weekly newsletter!

Categories
Wedding Dedicated Feature Weddings

13 easy things you should do to make your dazzling wedding memories last

A bride and groom holding hands at their wedding.
[Image description: A bride and groom holding hands at their wedding.] Via Miss to Mrs. Bridal Box

Your wedding day should be both exciting and nerve-wracking. With everything you have to remember, a checklist is key in making sure you have everything you want.

If you’re clueless about unique and fun activities to put on your checklist, don’t worry. There are tons of options. We’ve put together 13 activities to help you preserve your wedding memories.

1. Bridal subscription boxes

[Image description: a woman in a dress holding a pink box that says "Miss to Mrs] Via MissToMrsBrideBox
[Image description: a woman in a dress holding a pink box that says “Miss to Mrs] Via MissToMrsBrideBox
The best wedding subscription boxes combine fun and effective wedding planning. This wedding check-off list is essential because it’s basically a box full of surprises to make your day memorable. Many bridal services offer bride box subscriptions, such as the Miss to Mrs. Bridal box.

Ladies getting married get to enjoy nine themed boxes from the ‘engagement’ box to a ‘honeymoon’ one. Each box is carefully curated to cater to a specific wedding stage. These bride boxes contain beauty and spa essentials, cute bags for shopping, jewelry, decor items, planners, tips, guides, and inspiration.

This wedding subscription box can be on a monthly, extended, accelerated, or quarterly plan. Brides can get one box per month, one box in two months, two boxes per month, or a box in three months respectively. Miss to Mrs also caters to couples of all sexualities, and prioritize efficient delivery.

2. Exit on a high note

[Image description: a bride and groom surrounded by flying petals and confetti] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a bride and groom surrounded by flying petals and confetti] Via Unsplash
Wedding entrances are exciting parts of weddings. Why not make your exit even more breathtaking? Leave your venue under the loud bangs of fireworks. Other options are a serenade, petals, or confetti. You’ll never forget it.

3. Capture everything on tape

[Image description: a photographer capturing images of the bride and groom] via Wedding Forward
[Image description: a photographer capturing images of the bride and groom in a field] via Wedding Forward
Insist that your wedding coverage team doesn’t miss a thing. The secret moments, everyone’s smiles, emotional faces, people chatting, all of it. These little things can make you nostalgic in a matter of minutes.

4. Go back to where you got married

[Image description: a wedding calendar, with roses, hearts, and the rings] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a wedding photo book and calendar, with flowers, hearts, and the rings] Via Unsplash
A beautiful way to make your wedding memories last is revisiting where you took your vows, maybe. You can do this at random times of the year, we suggest doing it on your anniversary. And if you plan to have kids, always visit with them. The place has become your sacred spot. Revisiting where your journey to forever began is a great way to bond.

5. Create a memory box

[Image description: a wedding box with a pink notebook and pen, a calendar, stickers, and a reusable cup] Via Wedding Forward
[Image description: a wedding box with a pink notebook and pens, a necklace, calendar, stickers, and a reusable cup] Via Wedding Forward
Get a box and throw in bits and pieces from random souvenirs from your wedding into it. Contents of your box may include the invite, place cards, bouquet, boutonnières, napkin, program, some wedding gifts, and anything else. This is quite a sentimental box or trunk of keepsakes.

6. Choose an unconventional venue

[Image description: a bride and groom kissing on a beach] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a bride and groom kissing on a beach] Via Unsplash
For something more memorable, choose a unique venue. You can book out your favorite cinema, racecourse, or stadium for your dream wedding. Maybe the place you met, or the place you went on your first date. Even the guests won’t forget this in a hurry.

7. Plant and bond

[Image description: a couple holds a cup of tomatoes] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a couple holds a cup of tomatoes] Via Unsplash
If you and your partner love to plant or garden, groom a tree right in your home. Immediately after the wedding, plant a tree or pots of herbs together and watch them grow. It is symbolic and serves as a reminder of the depth and longevity of your love. There’s nothing as rewarding as eating the fruits and vegetables from your garden, let alone if you grew them with your spouse.

8. Set up a wedding video booth

[Image description: a make-shift photo set] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a make-shift photo set] Via Unsplash
We’ve seen quite a lot of photo booths, but hardly any video booths. Take advantage of these new trends and wow your guests with one. Leave a video booth where they can goof and narrate fun stories about you two. Edit and compile these videos into a single file. Watch them in later years and laugh your hearts out. It’ll be a wonderful way to make and revisit memories for you and all your guests.

9. Learn a new skill

[Image description: a woman spinning a vase of pottery] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a woman spinning a vase of pottery] Via Unsplash
Giving the guests a memorable experience can change the face of your wedding. Go beyond sweet music and cake cutting to learn something new. Broaden your horizons! Options include a cooking class, pottery or sculpting, creating custom cocktails, and more.

10. Create art from your wedding pictures

[Image description: various phones take pictures of the bride and groom kissing] Via Unsplash
[Image description: various phones take pictures of the bride and groom kissing] Via Unsplash
Once your wedding pictures are delivered, fix them onto card stock or board canvass and hang them in your home. Another option is to carefully create an electronic scrapbook with the pictures. They will serve as keepsakes of beautiful memories for years to come.

11. Create a custom playlist

[Image description: wedding guests dancing] Via Unsplash
[Image description: wedding guests dancing] Via Unsplash
Creating a custom playlist ensures that you have all your special songs ready for the big day. Build a playlist full of songs that mean everything to the both of you. It should include you and your spouse’s favorite songs, your love song to each other, engagement song, etc. Play it on your wedding day and every year after as a reminder of your love.

12. Wear a new scent

[Image description: the bride and groom sitting together in the car, smiling] Via Unsplash
[Image description: the bride and groom sitting together in the car, smiling] Via Unsplash
For your big day, wear a new scent. Scents are hypnotic and unforgettable. Your spouse will always remember how you knocked their socks off with your smell. And, you can always keep the bottle as a souvenir.

13. Opt for a guest book

[Image description: a wedding guestbook] Via Unsplash
[Image description: a wedding guestbook] Via Unsplash
Choose a modern guest book with spaces for guest names, best wishes, and advice. Have the guests fill the book with their well-wishes. This book will serve as a reminder of your loved ones who helped make your day. Imagine, twenty years from now, sending your best friend a photo of what she wrote in your guest book the day of your wedding.

All these activities are fun, unique, and help preserve your wedding memories. Do you have any other ideas?

Categories
History Wedding Weddings

Why are couples still choosing to get married on plantations?

[Image Description: A couple getting just married kissing in front of a restored plantation house.] via Nottoway Plantation
[Image Description: A couple getting just married kissing in front of a restored plantation house.] via Nottoway Plantation

When it comes to marriage, there are so many wedding venues in the world to choose from. The list is endless and inexhaustible. Plantation weddings are an enigma to me, more so the people who opt to have venues there. It’s inexplicable to me. I cannot imagine people celebrating atop the bodies of humans who died enslaved, tortured, and in chains. Arguing that a venue is beautiful and perfect for your big day only further negates the atrocities and heinous history that is seeped in that place. It says, ‘I don’t care about what happened here because it doesn’t affect me.’

Only people in privileged positions forget about the horrendous events of slavery and take pictures where families were torn apart.

If a person were to have their wedding at Auschwitz the outrage would be gigantic. So, why isn’t the same level of respect given to plantation weddings? People vehemently speak out against concentration camps and history, but they have a tendency to remain silent on the history of slavery. No trauma is worse than the other, yet the disrespect is shown when one is honored over the other.

It’s 2020 now, can we please cancel plantation weddings?

How can you relive antebellum times and ignore the horrors that came with it? The Antebellum era was marked by slavery, the Civil War, and tension between abolitionists and supporters of slavery. That’s why Lady Antebellum changed their name.

It is impossible to find a stunning southern mansion that didn’t house slaves or hold a harrowing history that remains so pervasive. The legacy of slavery still echoes in our systems. So, I wonder what the desire is to have a wedding on a plantation. A place where not only the picturesque mansion still stands but slave quarters are also around the corner.

In 2012, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married at Boone Hall plantation, where black people were forced to harvest peaches and make bricks. They have shown support for Black Lives Matter by pledging $200,000 to the cause but have never publicly apologized. Their support is appreciated, but how can they move forward if they haven’t openly addressed past mistakes?

https://www.instagram.com/p/CA3523apMYB/

Pictures of their wedding can’t be found on the internet and Pinterest has put in place restrictions on plantation weddings on their site. Though they are still searchable you may be found in violation of their guidelines. Pinterest commented on this decision and said, “Weddings should be a symbol of love and unity. Plantations represent none of those things.”

“Weddings should be a symbol of love and unity. Plantations represent none of those things.”

Plantation houses promoting these sites of human rights violations as ‘the best day of your life’ is a slap in the face. It’s insensitive, disgusting and perpetuation of the legacies of slavery that run rampant in institutions. These places should be relegated to purely historical sites. Museums that tell the story of what really happened in these places. Not just southern propaganda of a time when people drank sweet tea and courted one another.

A wedding venue may seem inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But, these actions are offensive, ignorant, and hurtful to the Black community. The disregard for the tragedy that was slavery rings loud when people say ‘I do’ at plantations.

Categories
Wedding Weddings

The awkward, weird and embarrassingly strained “marriage” talk

A married couple holding hands while walking on dry grass.Their marriage.
[Image description: A married couple holding hands while walking on dry grass. Their marriage.] Via Unsplash

When you enter your twenties, you start anticipating a conversation with your parents about getting married.

A storm of feelings starts brewing in you as you await this conversation. And if you have brown parents, you’ll agree with me when I say that these feelings mostly edge on awkwardness, nervousness, tension, and discomfiture.

I recently entered my twenties — an age that is considered ripe for marriage — at least on this side of the world.

When you’re twenty, you become eligible for marriage. Proposals start pouring in. Your parents tell you that it’s time for you to settle down in life. And they also tell you that they will find the perfect partner for you to fulfill this deed.

We’re discussing marriage, so how can I forget those pesky Rishta aunties who can’t resist shooting proposals and miserable remarks your way — “the guy is rich, think about it”, “you don’t want to be too old when you get married”, “marry to take this burden off from your parents” — as if their life depends on your marriage. Aunties, it turns out, are obsessed with marriage.

After I crossed twenty, I knew my parents would confront me with this conversation. And I dreaded it.

I did not want to talk to my parents about marriage, proposals, and settling down. It was awkward.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to delay talking to them. But then we talked, and it was every bit as awkward as I thought it’d be.

My mom sat down with me. She made a nervous pose, gulped air and then said that somebody had approached her with a proposal for me. I was obviously startled. I didn’t know how to respond to this piece of information that was presented to me so unexpectedly.

My mom went on and on about how marriage was essential at this age. Words dried up in my throat as her speech ensued. She said that they were good people and she could invite them over if I’d like to meet them. I didn’t want to meet anyone, but I didn’t know how to say this to her.

I was so close to telling my mom to stop talking because I suddenly felt so anxious. My mind drew blanks instead of answers.

I was so close to telling my mom to stop talking because I suddenly felt so anxious. My mind drew blanks instead of answers.

“I’m not thinking marriage right now,” I said in a nervous ramble, and then went away — the cliched answer. But the one that saved me so much misery in the coming days. 

The subject was never brought up again. And that was a relief.

In Pakistan, discussing marriage prospects with our parents can feel extremely uncomfortable. We never tell them things. We grow up thinking that we can’t confide in them. They don’t share their lives with us, and in turn, we don’t share ours with them. There’s so much distance between us. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, we’re expected to have these intense, meaningful conversations with them discussing a huge decision about our lives.

If we reckon the true reality of our relationship with our parents, these conversations are only meant to be difficult, dispassionate,  awkward, and sometimes, even embarrassing.

A friend recently turned down three marriage proposals because she was already in a relationship. But she didn’t tell her parents that —  she feared their reaction.

 Sometimes it’s easy confessing your true feelings and intentions to them. But at other times, you regret telling them anything the same minute.

Communicating with them can even be confusing. We feel scared of what they might say or do if we tell them that we like someone. We don’t know what to expect.

What if they’re angry, upset, or disappointed?

What if they don’t trust us enough?

What if they feel betrayed for not being allowed to make this important decision for us?

I don’t blame my friend for not telling her parents about her relationship before — I probably would’ve acted the same way if I were her. In Pakistan, love marriages are frequently disapproved. Our instincts and fears are valid. 

Marriage is an important decision, but a discussion about it with our parents can be one of the most awkward situations that we have to sit through. It would’ve been so much easier if they were communicative from the beginning. If they talked to us more. If they made us a part of important conversations when we were younger.

But for now, the “marriage” talk is awkward as hell.  And sadly, most of us become a part of it, sooner or later.