It’s nice to be told that I am, in fact, a vampire. Like, I know, but it’s nice that someone else agrees. It doesn’t matter that this person is a faceless, nameless internet dweller I will probably never meet. It only matters that they wrote the uQuiz that confirmed my government-assigned vampire archetype is from the Victorian era. Thank you for your service, faceless, nameless internet dweller.

The internet used to be a festivity where anyone could uncover gems of content. Now, it’s overrun with the unnecessary chatter of people who like to hear themselves talk for the wrong reasons. However, uQuiz is a callback to the revelry of the internet past. This quiz-taking site harkens back to why so many of us initially found such joy and community online: Because there are people with imaginations, passions, and levels of delusion as weird, wacky, and wonderful as ours. Don’t get me wrong, uQuiz writers are positively unhinged—but in the very best ways.

Before there was uQuiz, there was BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed arguably made internet quizzes a staple on the World Wide Web. To this day, BuzzFeed quizzes are like a party trick you can pull out at any opportunity. If there’s a lull in the workday, you can ask your coworkers to take a “Which character are you?” quiz from any popular franchise. If you need a conversation starter at a party, you can send the link to one of those “Only these people know all the answers” quizzes. If you have a long bus commute, you can jump from quiz to quiz until you arrive at your destination.

BuzzFeed might have created the quiz blueprint, but uQuiz is reinventing the wheel. No one requested a new iteration of internet quizzes, and yet it’s the gift we didn’t ask for but very much needed. It’s a popular concept in internet culture, and uQuiz bedazzled it in a way that only deep internet dwellers know how to do—i.e., they made it much, much better.

While you can very much share BuzzFeed quiz results in the light of day, uQuiz is a litmus test for pure, unadulterated wackadoo. If someone knows uQuiz, then it’s safe to assume that they also slid to the deepest depths of the internet like Lil Nas X in the “Montero” music video. They’ve been told their factory-assigned gender (I’m a sexy villain), Danny Phantom fanfiction trope (ghost king au), and what circle of hell they’d be sent to (heresy, sixth circle) because they, too, wanted to know. They then squirreled away the results into a recess of their brain that only further fuels their individuality complex. If this sounds like an internet spiral you’ve undergone, then I already feel an acute kinship with you.

I don’t need to know the scientific method uQuiz writers use to determine the results. Whether it’s off vibes alone or maybe a dream they had the night prior, that’s good enough for me. I appreciate the questions and answers they’ve written that tell me something nice about myself, what they’d tell their friends about me, and which of their friends’ cats I am.

To be clear, I want to take every uQuiz ever written. Because almost every quiz ever written was concocted from the mind of a true genius. The titles alone are strings of words I didn’t know I needed to read in that particular order. Once I click “Start Quiz,” I know I’m in for a wild ride, reminiscent of all the times I climbed into the car of that one childhood friend’s mom who had a strict no-seatbelt policy and drove like a bat out of hell.

Because at their heart, the quizzes are about the ride, the journey, and the fun that can be had when we create spaces for utter tomfoolery. Even if you do try to take a uQuiz to find out more about yourself, there is much more to be explored than just the treasure at the end of the rainbow, so to speak.

I’ll admit the first uQuiz I ever took was because I was curious about the result. This was at a time when I was struggling with my self-esteem. You know those moments when you’re asked a question—a basic question, an obvious question, a question you know the answer to because you won’t stop gabbing about it—and yet at that moment, your mind is blank, and you can’t think of a response to save your life? I used to feel this way when people asked me questions about myself. I still do sometimes, but now I’m less concerned about it—because who cares?

It’s reminded me I don’t need to take myself so seriously all the time. And besides, I’d much instead tell people I’m a “narrative foil” type of villain than something arbitrary I don’t care about. Decorum may have dictated that it’s more proper to share the results of your Enneagram or Myers-Brigg, but this doesn’t tell anyone about you. Like astrology, most of us have only memorized our sun, moon, and rising sign and have no clue what any other sign means.

So what does knowing I’m the kind of dragon that basks in flames do for you? You can make up your mind about that. What does this fact do for me? Nothing really, except fill me with joy. And that used to be the whole point of the internet. It’s possible that uQuiz could just be another flash in the online bucket, and that’s okay. At least it was fun while it lasted. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for any of the hellscape social media sites that continue to plague the digital realm. Begone, demon!

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  • Kayla Webb

    Kayla Webb is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English Literature and Creative Writing. When she's not obsessing over words and sentences, Kayla can be found trying to read too many books at one time, snuggling with her cats, and fangirling over everything pop culture.