Recently in one of my philosophy of logic classes, we explored the idea of interpersonal relationships and the reason why we tend to feel nostalgic towards past romantic relationships. It’s a topic of interest that I’ve become pretty knowledgeable about.

So welcome to my Ted Talk.

We’ve all been there. Following a bad breakup with your significant other, you’re stuck with this extreme feeling of nostalgia and emotional distress, which makes you want to take them back. 

But here’s the thing: most of the time, we actually don’t want them back. We don’t call them to beg for a second chance. We seriously hate their guts, but yet we find this unexplainable need to run back to them.

Then, is it nostalgia? Our personal instinct to cling onto some of our treasured memories with the people who hold a special part in our hearts? Or is it our psychological incapability to forget about the past

Why do we continue to experience these types of feelings when it comes to our past romantic relationships?

This is my logical approach regarding this phenomenon

We just want to feel loved. And when I say loved—I mean we desire these types of heartwarming feelings, especially during our most emotionally stricken moments.

But when we can’t fulfill this feeling, we begin to search through everything in our current relationships (past relationships included) to find that. And most of the time, that can only be fulfilled when we look back into a previous relationship with a toxic ex and block out everything that went wrong just so we can enjoy the good feelings again.

But while it’s good for you to reminisce on all the great feelings you had, keep in mind why the relationship ended and how the heartbreak affected you. When you’re deep into that moment, it’s hard to shift your focus back onto why your ex is your ex and all the things that caused you two to part ways.

Maybe they will be a part of your future, maybe not. But don’t expect things to be perfect. 

My advice to you is to take the time to focus on yourself and to try not to think about them in a way that everything around you reminds you of them.

Then, when you’re emotionally stable, try to gain some type of closure with them to figure out why the relationship ended and why it’s best for both of you to go your separate ways. 

Finally, delete them from your memories!

Easier said than done, but this is the most crucial step into trying to avoid this dilemma of running back to your ex for heartbreak round two based on that feeling of nostalgia.

Best of luck, and keep your head up high and strong! 

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Elle Hong

By Elle Hong

Editorial Fellow

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