If you knew exactly when, why, and how a relationship would end, would you still do it?
Would you still put your heart on the line even though this is not forever?
That one day the person you can’t go a day without talking to will be nothing more than a footnote in the book of your life.
Would you still choose to be with someone who you ultimately knew would break your heart?
I have, and I would choose so again. Thousand times over.
My boyfriend and I are incredibly similar in all the ways that count for a friendship. We went to high school together, so he saw my ‘awkward’ phase, we have the same sense of humor and we love watching trashy reality shows. However, we are different in all the ways that matter for a relationship, I could name so many, but the point of contention is, I do not want kids.
Ever since I was 15, I knew I did not want kids. Naturally, I have received the comments, “you’ll change your mind” or “when you’re older it’s different”. But, 6 years on and I remain adamant. My boyfriend, however, is different, for as long as I have known him, he has wanted kids. He has wanted to be the best dad he could be. As admirable as I think this is – I don’t want children. It feels as though breaking up is an inevitable for our relationship.
Every time we have tried to bring the issue up, we hedge around it, both of us reluctant to truly delve into the fact that the only resolution is breaking up.
So, we did something unconventional.
We scheduled our break-up, for 5 years from now, when we’ll have no more time to ignore it. Realizing that you have such fundamental differences with the person you can see forever with as clearly as you can see your hand in front of your face, is utterly shattering.
I’ve never loved someone as deeply as I love my boyfriend. We’ve naively planned to buy houses together, co-ordinating the next 5 years so we’ll be closer to each other and talked about getting a toy poodle when we’re settled, though we’re still disagreeing on whether to name it George or Steve. Yet, deep down, we know one day we will be receiving wedding invitations from each other.
We aren’t the end-all and be-all for each other. We won’t fight over whole grain or white bread. All we’ll have is here and now. I try to not think up breaking up or letting him go, because the very thought is unfathomable.
It may not seem like much but it’s enough for me right now. My friends think it’s a waste of time, but all we have are the moments that sum up to create chapters in our lives. Even though there will be a pain at the end of the road, it doesn’t make the journey less worthwhile.
Sometimes, relationships don’t need to have a fairy-tale ending, and that’s fine. Then again maybe the end isn’t always the worst thing, maybe breaking up is the blessing I am waiting for. No-one truly know what life has in store for us.
July 17th, 2025, will either be the day my life begins or, the day my heart breaks.
I’m not thinking about that now.
Life is too short to worry about five years from now.
I’m happy in love and loved, that is more than most people get and instead of worrying about the end, and going to enjoy the right now.