I have been sexually frustrated for a long ass time.

Being a straight woman in an Indian city where the dating culture isn’t evolved becomes highly problematic. There are just some problems that even your own hand can’t heal. Yes, masturbation is great but finding a safe environment to have sex with your date is riddled with its own problems.

1. Lack of basic dating culture.

A gif of a woman and a man on a date, running their fingers on the rim of wine glasses
[Image description: A woman and a man on a date, running their fingers on the rim of wine glasses] Via Baby Driver on GIPHY
Like I pointed out, the Indian dating culture isn’t that evolved. You want to have easy meaningless sex and you end up in your partner’s apartment meeting their parents (Parents and children live together in a happy family).

2. You continue counting the number of sexless days.

A gif that shows a nametag inscribed with Hello I'm sexually frustrated
[Image description: A nametag inscribed with Hello I’m sexually frustrated] Via fakebutflawless on GIPHY
When was the last time you had sex? 216 days ago? That’s amateur hour compared to my 485 days without love-making. I sometimes wonder if they have changed the way you have sex.

3. Safety issues.

A gif of a woman saying "I just want everyone to be safe"
[Image description: A woman saying “I just want everyone to be safe”] Via PartyofFive on GIPHY
The problem of why Indian women can’t hook up with random strangers is because of the safety issue. Indian men don’t understand the concept of consent, they don’t even know what consent stands for. Unless you completely trust the person you are going back home with, there’s a huge risk factor that accompanies having random hook-ups.

4. Plus, OYO rooms are just dirty.

The gif shows two people under covers in bed saying "So... that was sex"
[Image description: Two people under covers in bed saying “So… that was sex”] Via GIPHY
OYO Rooms are the largest hospitality chains of franchised and leased hotels and homes in India. OYOs are literally famous for being a cheaper alternative to booking spaces just to have sex. Now, OYOs are used a lot, and they aren’t really clean. Thus, for any germophobe, it is an unpleasant experience.

5. You start to think of all the vegetables at home you can…use.

A gif of a broccoli, a banana and an avocado working out.
[Image description: A gif of broccoli, a banana and an avocado working out.] Via GIPHY
Don’t lie, you have considered a carrot and a cucumber someday when your brain is lying idle. After all, an idle brain is a devil’s workshop.

6. You can’t talk about it. You can’t not talk about it. Schrodinger’s cat, anyone?

A cat with the caption Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
[Image description: A cat with the caption Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar and doesn’t.] Via Facebook
I have had the exact same conversation with my girlfriends for the past four years. I ask them to set me up with someone, they react by saying they are literally your friends and thus have no other friends. Now, you can’t really go talking about your itch that isn’t being able to be scratched, can you?

7. You can’t have sex at your home, but…

An Indian woman saying hi
[Image description: An Indian woman saying hi] Via GIPHY
Indian women, you know the struggle. You live with your parents and you literally can’t bring any man into your home, even if you are betrothed to them. Having sex under the same roof that your parents are in would need some secret intelligence-type shit and can’t be achieved normally.

8. …you can’t have sex at their home…

A gif of a woman removing the covers and inviting their partner in
[Image description: A woman removing the covers and inviting their partner in] Via GIPHY
The same goes for your partner. Imagine you are feeling extremely horny and you happen to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But, you have parents who won’t let you leave your apartment at night even if you are a working adult. So you can’t even have sex at your partner’s place whenever you want.

9. …and you definitely can’t make out in public if you’re in India.

A gif showing a woman in red exclaiming "Are you fucking kidding me?"
[Image description: A woman in red exclaiming “Are you fucking kidding me?”] Via Tumblr on GIPHY
Our regressive sexual practices cause population explosions every year but you can’t show affection to your partner in public? Yeah. So, making out in public is again not an option.


10. So, you hug your pillow as tightly as possible and pretend to have at it.

A gif of a woman clutching her pillow] Via Tumblr on GIPHY
[Image description: A woman clutching her pillow] Via Tumblr on GIPHY
Yes, women, I know you can relate. Our side pillow is our imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend and we love to pretend like we have a love life and sexual life. The inappropriate words my pillow has heard cannot be penned down.

11. Unavailability of sex toys.

The gif of a woman examining a purple vibrator
[Image description: A woman examining a purple vibrator] Via Broad City on GIPHY
You know sex toys can solve a lot of frustrations. But, my Indian women, where will we buy them. There aren’t that many sex toy shops in and around every city and most are inordinately shady. So the beautiful pink vibrators become as elusive as Sugarfina in India.

12. Even if you get one, where would you keep the sex toy?

A mother examining her daughter's gift that is vibrating
[Image description: A mother examining her daughter’s gift that is vibrating] Via Mom on GIPHY
Even if you happen to buy a vibrator, where will you hide it? How will you explain it to your nosy mom who will look through your cupboard to find that stash of weed you have hidden and come upon a penile attachment that vibrates with batteries? Unless, of course, if you’re that one unicorn that talks about sex with their mom, I’m jealous.

13. Judgmental Indian aunties. 

An Indian woman screaming with hands on her head
[Image description: An Indian woman screaming with hands on her head] Via GIPHY
Imagine you live alone, and you manage to sneak that perfect boy in to satisfy your needs.

Suddenly, from some dark corner, three judgmental aunties peek out, sneering at you for being with a boy at an ungodly hour.

14. Living with parents is a lose-lose situation.

A woman telling another younger woman 'What are you saying'
[Image description: A woman telling another younger woman ‘What are you saying’] Via Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham on GIPHY
You know that shit hits the fan when you live with your parents. It’s wonderful that you get home-cooked meals every day but there’s no privacy. I can’t masturbate unless it’s late at night and I muffle my voice by doing it in the shower.

15. Men, especially Indian men, just can’t believe women have lust.

A gif of a woman saying on her mic "We're told over and over again men love sex, and women just deal with it. Right?"
[Image description: A woman saying on her mic “We’re told over and over again men love sex, and women just deal with it. Right?”] Via Amy Schumer on GIPHY
Yes, women have lust. We have sexual needs. We want to get laid as much as a guy does (the difference is we understand comfort and consent). So the next time I hear a Brown man tell me, “OMG you want to have sex, you like sex?” I am going to smack them.

I am not kidding you.

16. You suddenly get…wet.

A gif of a drenched woman entering through a door.
[Image description: A drenched woman entering through a door.] Via Will and Grace on GIPHY
You know what I mean. We’ve all had that moment when we’re thinking of Keanu Reeves in the most platonic way and suddenly get wet. Yeah, happens to the best of us.

17. Or you can’t get wet because you’ve watched too much porn.

A gif of an animated frustrated woman blowing her hair.
[Image description: An animated frustrated woman blowing her hair.] Via GIPHY
Porn doesn’t work for me anymore. I am sure most other women will be able to relate to this. You have watched so much porn, now it just doesn’t cut it anymore. You need the touch of your partner.

18. Zoning out and imagining sex during the most awkward times.

A black and white gif of a woman sitting down.
[Image description: A black and white gif of a woman sitting down.] Via GIPHY
I’ve definitely zoned out in an Economics class, imagining how sex would feel like. In my defense, the class was especially boring but it was still an embarrassing moment when the professor called me out because I wasn’t “paying attention.”

19. You kiss your own hand.

A gif of two hands holding one another
[Image description: Two hands holding one another] Via GIPHY
Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I am talking about. We all do it secretly because we have nobody who will do it for us.

20. You realize you are most definitely a virgin.

A gif of a woman yelling 'I am a virgin' and another woman laughing
[Image description: A woman yelling ‘I am a virgin’ and another woman laughing] Via GIPHY
There is no harm in being a virgin. It just becomes a problem when, like Rachel Greene, you become erotically charged with no viable options.

21. So, you literally can’t miss sex but you still do.

A gif of a sad cat with the words I miss you
[Image description: A sad cat with the words I miss you] Via GIPHY
Sure, if you are a virgin you literally can’t miss sex, because you haven’t had it. Right? Wrong. You still do. I understand, been there done that.

22. You pull your own hair while masturbating just for the thrill.

A gif of a woman saying "sometimes you just want your hair pulled."
[Image description: A woman saying “sometimes you just want your hair pulled.”] Via GIPHY
Yesterday I saw a tweet about this and realized I am not the only weirdo out there. Yes, you pull your own hair, don’t fight me on this.

23. Only mosquitoes give you love bites.

A gif of a mosquito rubbing its legs
[Image description: A mosquito rubbing its legs] Via GIPHY
It is the age of love-bites, but only dengue-riddled mosquitoes are biting you. Do you know what’s more difficult than being sexually frustrated?

Having to sleep under a mosquito net during the hottest Indian summers.

24. You dream of a ghost doing you.

A gif of a ghost man kissing a woman
[Image description: A ghost man kissing a woman] Via Ghost movie on GIPHY
If only a ghost living in my room would do me! I mean I know it’s inappropriate but there should be a crime against having to live without sex for this long.

25. You start having inappropriate crushes.

A gif of a girl saying, Look at that boy. Look at him. I want that for Christmas.
[Image description: A girl saying, “Look at that boy. Look at him. I want that for Christmas”.] Via GIPHY
I have a crush on my 67-year-old professor. I know it is highly inappropriate, but what can you do about it?

26. The guys on Indian Tinder are creeps.

A gif showing an animated creepy smile of a man
[Image description: An animated creepy smile of a man] Via GIPHY
There’s creepy, and then there’s Indian Tinder that crosses that boundary and lives in Creepyville. The people on Tinder are so creepy you feel like throwing your phone down the toilet the moment you read some bios.

So having random hookups with Tinder dates is out of the question.

27. You put your vibrating phone down there just to feel something.

An animated gif of a vibrating phone
[Image description: A vibrating phone] Via Rastamouse on GIPHY
Remember the good old vibrating Nokia phones? Ah, I sit back and recall those good times when your phone worked as your personal vibrators.

28. You sit on the washing machine and then get scolded by your mum.

A gif of a woman whose face is reflected on the washing machine dial.
[Image description: A woman whose face is reflected on the washing machine dial.] Via Broad City on GIPHY
Washing machines are good. That sizzle helps to satisfy your immediate sexual needs. However, if you are an Indian living with your parents, chances are your mom is going to shout at you and claim you want to break the machine.

29. You are so effing angry at the sight of romance.

A gif of a woman saying "I'ma gonna come over there, and I'm gonna-" and grunts to show wringing neck motion
[Image description: A woman saying “Imma gonna come over there, and I’m gonna-” and grunts to show wringing neck motion] Via GIPHY
At this point, any extremely lovey-dovey couple will piss me off. Not only are they getting physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy as well?

Where is my luck, God?

30. You are mean because you are a sexually liberated straight woman…yet you need a man.

A gif of an angry woman saying "I'm gonna kill you"
[Image description: A gif of an angry woman saying “I’m gonna kill you”] Via Brooklyn Nine-Nine on GIPHY
I mean I am perfectly capable of doing everything by myself, as I keep reminding my misogynistic Indian family. Then why, for the love of God, do I need a man for sex?


31. You are closer than ever to your jet spray.

The gif of a woman showering.
[Image description: A woman showering.] Via GIPHY
Yes, that magic wand you spray yourself with every goddamn day you feel tired with the world, that spray is your best friend. Especially if you don’t have a sex toy (refer to point number 11).

32. Last but not the least, you ask anybody and everybody you know to set you up.

The gif shows two people on a date
[Image description: The gif shows two people on a date sharing a milkshake] Via GIPHY
My friends are tired of my constant whining because every day I meet someone I ask them to set me up. It is tough being without sex.

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https://thetempest.co/?p=145965
Deboparna Poddar

By Deboparna Poddar

Junior Love Editor

Tags
India , Sex , sex and love , Sex Education , pop culture , The Tempest , listicle , indian culture , relatable , rachel , indian women , The Tempest fellowships , The Tempest Media , write for the tempest , Tinder , horny , sex and the city , sexually frustrated , phone , Orgasms , kinky sex , pink , sex toys , The Tempest Studio , Deboparna Poddar , sexual intimacy , need sex , sexual health and well being , virbrators , dildos , sex in India , Indian culture and quality , erotically charged , sexual behavior , sexual overtone , judgmental Indians , Indian men , Indian women are awesome , Women all around , sex in the city , sexual person , sexually frustrated women , women want orgasms , sexually frustrated woman signs , sexually frustrated meaning , sexually frustrated jokes , sexually frustrated zodiac signs , sexually frustrated symptoms , i'm sexually frustrated what should i do , getting laid meme , getting laid meaning , getting laid during coronavirus , women need to get laid , women crave sex , women sexual desire , women sex drive , women sex desire , women sexually active ,

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