I used to wake up in the middle of the night missing you.
When we parted ways, I experienced this intense feeling of nostalgia and emptiness rolled together.
It was so debilitating that it made it impossible for me to pick up the broken fragments of my heart and carry on. I would toss and turn in bed every night, with an empty mind and a broken heart. I fervently missed you and the memories we made together.
I missed all the mornings I would wake up with you beside me, feeling the cold morning breeze and your broad shoulders encasing me under the warm covers. I missed all the ways you made me feel, this feeling which I can’t quite put into words because it was so intoxicating and powerful. I scrolled through old messages and pictures, watched romantic movies trying to imagine you and me as the male and female leads.
I thought you were my forever. I couldn’t imagine my life without you, and frankly, I didn’t want to.
You were my everything, and my heart belonged to you.
I was too attached to try to move onto someone else. I was too selfish to apologize and try to win you back. I was too reminiscent to try to forget about you.
But then, as time passed, I started to realize that my perception of you as ‘The One’ was merely just an illusion. I realized that I didn’t actually miss you but rather, I missed the fact that you weren’t the person I wanted you to be. And in turn, I stopped missing you.
I no longer miss seeing you smile and hearing your voice.
That smile I was so attracted to and so intrigued by was a simple distraction. That voice which I so longed to hear over the phone was nothing more special.
I no longer miss your presence next to me.
Before, all I’ve ever wanted to do was run back into your open arms. But now, I’m happier alone, and don’t need your arms to protect me as a security blanket.
I no longer wait anxiously for your text message to light up my phone, and consequently, light up my day.
I’ve realized that my happiness isn’t defined by a good morning text and that you in no way or shape have any ability to control what my day becomes.
I no longer miss your compliments
Your compliments weren’t much more than a simple validation that you approved of me, and how I looked to you. I don’t need your approval to make me feel like myself, and to think that I am worthy and important
I no longer ponder over the memories we’ve built and become fond of how you made me feel
The nostalgia is gone, I’ve deleted you, the old pictures, and dated text messages from my phone and my memories.
Most importantly, I no longer wake up in the middle of the night missing you.
I’ve been able to move on past the heartbreak, realize my self worth and move on from the fact that your presence was a part of me. We weren’t meant to be with each other. And you aren’t the One for me, no matter how much I’ve pretended you were. I finally was able to realize that I’m happier without you and that my independence is something I should truly cherish.
So, here’s me moving on for good, and leaving you, the memories, and our toxic relationship behind.
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