My boyfriend is a lovely human. He has many amazing qualities from his insane cooking skills to his goofiness and his ability to be there for the people he loves. However, being physically affectionate is not one of them. I am a super touchy person, so it used to bother me a lot that he wasn’t quick to hold my hand in public or give me kisses all the time. However, my feelings about his way of expressing himself all changed when I learned about love languages.

Now, I see that he is affectionate in his own way.

Love languages, for anyone who is not familiar, are the ways in which people express their love emotionally. They can also refer to how people like to receive love from others.

The five main love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. Words of affirmation refer to verbal expressions of affection and care.

Gifts are relatively self explanatory, but they refer to tangible items that make you feel loved. Acts of service are kind and helpful things you do for your partner.

Quality time is doing something together that you both enjoy. And physical touch is anything from hugs, hand holding and kisses to sex.

I took a quiz to find my love language and learned that I am primarily physical touch with words of affirmation following close behind. Quality time was third with acts of service and gifts last.

My boyfriend’s love language, however, I have learned is almost entirely acts of service with occasional words of affirmation. 

Prior to learning about love languages, I felt insecure and worried that my boyfriend wasn’t as attracted to me as I was to him. However, since I have discovered love languages, I have undergone a mindset shift.

I realized I had not been giving my partner enough credit. Just because he didn’t show his love for me the same way that I showed my love for him, didn’t mean that his love was any less strong or valid. 

I started noticing the little things he did to make me feel cared for everyday. He loves to cook for me and often does the laundry and cleans when I am feeling stressed. He always gives me cuddles and hugs when I am feeling low.

When we are away from each other he checks in often and always gives me a call when he has a free moment. He calls me beautiful everyday. Those things are just as meaningful, if not more, than physical affection. 

Our relationship and the way we communicate has improved significantly through our understanding of each other’s love languages. We are more forgiving and appreciative of one another and we are more aware of what the other person’s needs are.

I would highly recommend to anyone (whether you’re in a relationship or single) to research love languages and figure out your own. You may be surprised at how much it can help your interactions with others and understanding of yourself.  

Exploring and understanding love languages can give you insight into how different people express their emotions. It is valuable to understand how different people like to receive love.

Understanding other people’s love languages can allow you to know how to communicate effectively with them. By catering to people’s love language, you can connect to them more deeply. Trust me and take a look into love languages. It will make your relationship stronger than ever.                         

  • Maggie Mahoney

    Maggie Mahoney is an editorial fellow based in Washington D.C. She is a soon to be graduating senior at American University studying Literature with a minor in Communications. Maggie is passionate about poetry, elementary education, blogging, and R&B music. She loves to cook and try new cuisines and considers herself a textbook Virgo.