When I think about superstars who best represent me in media, my mind goes immediately to Lizzo.

Lizzo is the literal incarnation of my dreams. This phenomenal woman is black, empowering, loud, and unapologetic. And the cherry on top of it all?

She’s fat.

And she’s really fat, not that “I’m a size 8” bullshit fat. And so being a local fat girl myself, she gives me life. Lizzo dominates black, white, and LGBTQIA+ spaces, where typically fat black women are not embraced in the slightest. It’s honestly so exciting and liberating to see her thriving and being loved by the masses as she should be.

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This is a special moment for me… Good As Hell took a trip to Baton Rouge and was blessed by @su_humanjukebox and the fabulous dancing dolls💅🏾 at Southern University. Link in bio… Directed by the lovely Alan Ferguson.

A post shared by Lizzo (@lizzobeeating) on Dec 9, 2019 at 10:50am PST

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

I must admit though, the thing I loved most about her also stirred up some gross self-hate within myself. Despite being so proud of how unashamed she was of her body, I found myself troubled as I scrolled through her social media accounts. I would see her posing naked and free, sexy and playful, without a care in the world. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved it! But I was so scared of the inevitable backlash. I didn’t want to deal with the gross comments, the hate, and fatphobia, and I didn’t want her to have to deal with it either. So in my head, I begged her to stop, to not challenge the status quo.

Then, one day at work, a coworker comes up ranting about how she was unfollowing Lizzo on social media because she was “running the fuck out.” I thought to myself, this is exactly what I was afraid of. She clearly saw the discomfort on my face and she tried to cover with a, “I mean I’m all for the big girl movement or whatever, but this is overboard.”

And then the comments continued to come… my worse but inevitable nightmare.

“I love body positivity but…”

“I love her confidence but…“

What a load of bullshit. Just be freaking honest and say you hate fat people!

You hate fat people and don’t actually support body positivity because the body positivity movement has always and only been about fat bodies.

You don’t actually love our confidence, you’re just surprised at it because on the inside you think we should be ashamed of ourselves. You expect that shame and expect fat women to cover up and make themselves unnoticeable.

I’ve spent so much of my life falling into this narrative and being ashamed of my body to make sure everyone else is comfortable. I’ve spent years never wearing shorts or skirts, even in the middle of a Florida summer. Never daring to buy a crop top or a tank top. Even in my own house, all by myself, I am uncomfortable being naked. Despite the fact that skinny people have no problem throwing their naked bodies in front of everyone’s faces at any given occasion, on the internet AND in person.

Lizzo’s recent thong outfit and twerk at a basketball game sparked excuses about how it wasn’t the “time or place.” Yet, we can look at skinny cheerleaders’ ass cheeks at half time shows and it’s okay? A basketball game half time show is literally the exact place to see ass cheeks!

This Twitter user said it best: