Attribution: [Image description: 3 separate images depicting a white girl with blonde hair drinking kombucha. In the first image, she tries the drink. In the second she looks disgusted, and in the third she looks pleasantly surprised.] Via Brittany Tomlinson.
Halloween has come to mean a lot of different things to different people. Despite it’s ancient Celtic origins as a festival to commemorate the ghosts of the dead returning to earth for a day (fun!), it has now become Spooky Season, a month-long celebration for every child who didn’t have nightmares for months after watching the 1990 movie adaptation of Roald Dahl’s TheWitches.
But some of us – the ones who were profoundly traumatized by the movie and as a result developed a deep mistrust of nearly every adult woman in our lives – just aren’t spooky by nature. We don’t want to dress up as killer clowns or The Nun, mostly because we don’t want our hearts to stop every time we look into any reflective surface. When it comes to Halloween costumes, we only have two good options: Disney characters and memes. For those of us who don’t want to upstage our nieces by going as Moana, here, hot off the internet, is every great 2019 meme as a Halloween costume.
[Image description: Drag queen Jasmine Masters, wearing a satin blue robe, a black bob hairstyle, and large statement earrings, poses with her lips pursed.] Via Know Your MemeEveryone and their mum knows this one. Applicable to nearly all situations, easy to remember, and the GIF version is always in the ‘Trending’ section of the Whatsapp GIF keyboard. I use it every time my hand slips on my laptop and accidentally presses the ‘Pay & Complete Order’ button and Boris Johnson probably sends it into the Parliament group chat every time he extends the Brexit deadline.
[Image description: A pair of large silver rhinestone-studded statement earrings.] Via ASOS
[Image description: A dark blue silk robe.] Via Etsy
[Image description: A pair of dramatic black false eyelashes.] Via ASOS
2. Tough Guy Entrance
[Image description: A man wearing a black tracksuit with gold accents and black, rectangular-framed glasses, stares with disdain at the camera.] Via Know Your MemeThe Tough Guy Entrance meme requires three things and all three are attitude. Note, in the video, how his facial expression remains pretty constant, although the eventual camera close up allows us to see the deepening distaste in his eyes as he scans the room, reminiscent of me walking into each one of my Postcolonial Literature classes only to see yet another white lecturer.
[Image description: A model wears a black velour tracksuit with gold accents.] Via ASOS
[Image description: An orange tube of hair gel.] Via ASOS
[Image description: A pair of clear rectangular glasses with black frames atop a pile of books.] Via Etsy
3. Kombucha girl
[Image description: Three separate images depicting a white girl with blonde hair drinking kombucha. In the first image, she tries the drink. In the second she looks disgusted, and in the third she looks pleasantly surprised.] Via Brittany Tomlinson.The second most iconic Brittany after the one from Glee, Kombucha Girl a.k.a. Brittany Tomlinson’s clear displeasure followed by hesitant reconsideration is applicable to most of life’s greatest contradictions, like nudity, or petty theft. The facial expressions are what make this meme, so make sure you pay attention to the smallest details: the eyebrow furrow, the eyeball movement, the head-tilt.
[Image description: Keke Palmer wears a pale yellow blazer and black hoop earrings while seated at a table with her arms on it, looking downwards.] VIa Know Your MemeKeke! Loved her in that church choir movie with Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah, love her even more now. You probably have all the components of this outfit in your wardrobe anyway, and “sorry to this man” is a phrase that lends itself particularly well to a night out, where you can repeat it to every man who tries dancing up behind you groin-first.
[Image description: A tweet that reads, “Legit question for rural Americans – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?” placed over a photo of a hog.] Via William McNabb and fatherly.comVolume is really the make-or-break of this costume. If you have anywhere between 29 and 49 friends willing to commit to purchasing this exact outfit and moving as a single unit throughout the night, then congratulations! If not, hit me up.
[Image description: Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at the 2019 Oscars performing their song ‘Shallow’ at a piano with their eyes closed and leaning into each other.] Via Reuters.This one may be a little bit older, but I would argue that the time it’s had to marinate on the back burners of our collective consciousness would make it a nice little rarity amidst the hordes of couples dressed (hopefully ironically) as Ellen and George Bush.
[Image description: Two images side-by-side. On the left, a woman wearing a white t-shirt and orange headband looks into the camera pleadingly, on the verge of tears. On the right, a woman lies under a fleece blanket, looking resigned.] Via Know Your MemeAnother great couple’s costume option, especially if you want to put in minimum effort – one of you literally only needs a blanket and side bangs. The other one of you just needs to look like you’re perpetually on the verge of tears. Which, honestly, is also pretty easy.
