Life

15 things only criminology students understand

It's criminal work - but legal.

By August 9, 2019
A close-up of a text book in the background with a black pen in the centre and a written-in notebook in the foreground
Attribution: Attribution [Image Description: A close-up of a text book in the background with a black pen in the centre and a written-in notebook in the foreground] via Pixabay

Criminology as a social sciences subject itself is relatively new, in comparison to its psychology and sociology counterparts. However, unlike the two aforementioned subjects, criminology is quite possibly the only subject that you cannot get over-enthusiastic about without looking like a complete and utter psycho.

Yes, we are weird, so criminology students, of the past, present and future, and even those who are curious, read on and let’s embrace our weird.

1. You have to explain what your degree entails – to everyone!

A woman in short blonde hair, a green shirt and black glasses purses her lips in annoyance and looks to the right
[Image Description: A woman in short blonde hair, a green shirt, and black glasses purses her lips in annoyance and looks to the right] via Giphy

If psychology is the study of the ‘psyche’ and sociology is the study of ‘society’, what do people think the study of criminology is? Penguins?

2. You are paranoid about being detained due to your internet history.

A man throws another man into a prison cell and slams the door with an angry expression
[Image Description: A man throws another man into a prison cell and slams the door with an angry expression] via Giphy

I swear, my Google search on extremist propaganda is for academic purposes only!

3. You know how to kill someone with a spoon.

A girl with pale pink hair and a black bow is standing in front of three boys in white shirts and black trousers. The girl is staring at a spoon and the boy in the middle breaks his bones
{Image Description: A cartoon girl is standing in front of three boys in white shirts and black trousers. The girl is staring at a spoon and the boy in the middle breaks his bones] via Giphy.

This is not the only weird way you know how to kill someone.

4. And you also know how to get away with murder.

A woman with black-brown hair says "You're messing with the wrong bitch" to a blonde haired woman who has her back to the camera
[Image Description: A woman with black-brown hair says “You’re messing with the wrong bitch” to a blonde-haired woman who has her back to the camera] via Giphy.

Annelise Keating has got nothing on you.

5. You question your sanity

A man in a grey hoodie is sat on the subway with other people. He is paranoid, nodding to himself, looking around at the other passengers and rubbing his face with his hands
[Image Description: A man in a grey hoodie is sat on the subway, nodding to himself, looking around at the other passengers and rubbing his face with his hands] via Giphy.

Is it normal to find crime so hypnotically pleasing?

6. You are discreetly impressed by the unsolved crimes

A man in a white shirt, a loose black tie and dark blonde hair, raises his eyebrows, nods slightly and smiles, impressed
[Image Description: A man in a white shirt, a loose black tie, and dark blonde hair, raises his eyebrows, nods slightly and smiles, impressed] via Giphy.

I’m looking at you Mr. D.B. Cooper and Zodiac Killer.

7. But you also believe you can do better when they are solved.

Two ladies, one wearing black and another in grey, stand on either side of a man in a black suit, who raises his hands. All three have slightly annoyed expressions and the words "#you had one job" flash on screen
[Image Description: Two ladies stand on either side of a man, who raises his hands. All three have slightly annoyed expressions and the words “#you had one job” flash on screen] via Giphy

It’s those stupid mistakes like sterilizing the bathtub after dismembering a body that makes us annoyed! You had one job!

8. You turn into Sherlock Holmes when new cases are reported.

Two men are looking over the camera. One of the men is wearing a latex glove on his left hand and peering through a magnifying glass
[Image Description: Two men are looking over the camera. One of the men is wearing a glove and peering through a magnifying glass] via Giphy

My dear, Watson! We have a crime to solve, even though no-one told us too!

9. Serial killers are your guilty pleasure.

Two brown-haired woman, one in a burgundy top facing the camera and the other in a black graphic top with her back to the camera, are sat at a table with doughnuts and two glasses of milk. The woman facing the camera says with her mouth-full "it's so wrong...but it's so right"
[Image Description: Two brown-haired woman are sat at a table with doughnuts and two glasses of milk. The woman facing the camera says with her mouth-full “it’s so wrong…but it’s so right”] via Giphy

You know their backstories, their victims, their motive and everything there is to know about them like they are your creation.

10. You over-analyze crime podcasts.

A woman grasps her hand shut as she says "Q-Q-Q-Question!"
[Image Description: A woman grasps her hand shut as she says “Q-Q-Q-Question!”] via Giphy

Don’t mind me questioning everything these hosts say and claim.

11. Your reading material is…questionable?

An orange and white cat is licks its paw and turns the page of a book titled 'The Art of Military Strategy'
[Image Description: An orange and white cat is licking its paw and turns the page of a book titled ‘The Art of Military Strategy’] via Giphy

History of Serial Killing. Dangerous Brown Men. Gender Crimes and Justice. Just a little lighthearted reading for the morning commute to give all the other passengers a heart-attack.

12. The highlight of your semester was a field trip to a prison.

Several women in beige prison jumpsuits and a few in orange are punching the air, copying a female prison guard in blue in front of them
[Image Description: Several women in beige prison jumpsuits and a few in orange are punching the air, copying a female prison guard in blue in front of them] via Giphy

There is nothing like a day out with murderers.

13. You question every crime statistic.

A woman in a blue graphic top and short black hair is sat behind a man in a blue suit, who turns to her slightly. She is saying "Yeah, I have a lot of questions"
[Image Description: A woman in a blue graphic top and short black hair is sat behind a man in a blue suit, who turns to her slightly. She is saying “Yeah, I have a lot of questions”] via Giphy

We need details over where you got the information from and how accurate it is.

14. Being judged by everyone for your “dead-end” subject

A woman with blonde hair and in a pink top has one hand on a counter with a turquoise colored book and her other hand goes to her hip as she says to a man in a blue suit, facing her "Someone's really chiming in when they shouldn't be"
[Image Description: A woman with blonde hair and in a pink top has one hand on a counter and her other hand goes to her hip as she says to a man in a blue suit, facing her “Someone’s really chiming in when they shouldn’t be”] via Giphy

I didn’t realize contributing to the study of criminal behavior and activity was a dead end?

15. Ultimately, you are too unfit to be a criminal, so you help catch them instead.

Six men are walking towards the camera together, three of whom are holding guns as they have an expression of vengeance on their faces.
[Image Description: Six men are walking towards the camera together, three of whom are holding guns as they have an expression of vengeance on their faces.] via Giphy

You have to contribute to society somehow!

Have I convinced you that studying Criminology is awesome and not just for weirdos?

  • Zara Shabir

    Zara Shabir is an introverted writer and reader, who recently graduated with an MA in criminology, specialising in human and women's rights, counter-terrorism and homicide. She has a passion to destroy toxic masculinity, raise awareness against violence towards women and promote and encourage education. When not doing the above, she is an amateur historian, a stationary addict and spending her weekends at home with her cat and a good book.

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