My ex-boyfriend bombarded me with texts and phone calls when we broke up.

After denying that he broke up with me, he continuously placed the blame on me for all of our problems. It was always my family that got in the way, it was because I was anxious all the time. I was too ‘negative’ about my life. I always complained. It’s clear to see the pattern of manipulation he followed.

Accountability wasn’t in his vocabulary.

Going through breakups is hard. Regardless of the circumstances that led to the breakup, it is difficult to draw a line when it comes to boundaries and aspects of communication. Do you continue talking, or is the talking not leading to anything productive? After all, you did break up for a reason, so is continuously talking making things any better?

I still love him, but I cannot forget.

Sometimes, feelings get complicated. You cannot claim to love someone in one moment and then make them feel like the worst person on the planet the next.

That is not love. It’s manipulation.

No matter how many times you apologize for it, it does not make it okay. Nor is the mental torture I put myself through. Second-guessing every little thing I said or did. Continuously arguing doesn’t help either. Being bombarded with messages about how this wasn’t the outcome they wanted. It’s selfish, ultimately.

I didn’t even realize it was happening until I told my sister and she said that these were behaviors he was exhibiting.

Whilst our relationship was loving and very much healthy, mostly, there were elements of gaslighting during our breakup. He couldn’t handle the fact that we weren’t together anymore and that he could lose me permanently. He needed that power and control. Having the situation fall further and further out of his hands was not an option.

I didn’t even realize it was happening until I told my sister and she said that these were behaviors he was exhibiting.

The worst thing was that I felt like I was being overdramatic when I talked to others about his behavior. As if I was being too harsh, yet he was the one manipulating me to think like that. Isn’t it mad how someone can have that much control over your thoughts? But that was the thing, he did.

I felt like it was hard to admit what he did and tried to justify why he did it. He did manipulate me. He did emotionally blackmail me. He made things my fault when they weren’t, they were his problem. He deflected when I told him his issues and turned them around on me.

That’s not how it should have been, nor is it okay.

I dealt with his behavior the best way I could. I called it when I saw it, even if I realized it later on. I stopped communicating with him when the emotional exhaustion became too much. It was the only way I knew how to cope. A clean break was needed, so that’s what I did.

Isn’t it mad how someone can have that much control over your thoughts? But that was the thing, he did.

It’s selfish. He was not thinking of me, the person he claimed to still call a ‘friend’. It’s like those words are ingrained into my memory.

“You were throwing it in my face.”

“You were being unreasonable.”

“You were the problem.”

“You’re perfect, aren’t you?”

No, I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be. I can openly admit my faults and apologize for them. For some reason, in those moments he couldn’t do that and instead he turned the blame on me.

I still love him, but I cannot forget. The anger, every single word he said; those are things I cannot accept willingly and move on. He was a great partner for the duration of time we were together, yet when we decided to call it quits, it’s like something changed.

Even writing these words out is making me anxious. But I won’t allow myself to get back into a relationship where anger continuously takes over. I want to be able to have inner peace.

And I can’t do that in a relationship with someone who cannot deal with their own emotions.


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