What annoys me most about people’s unwarranted opinions on my singleness is that it’s something they think needs to be changed. Apparently, for many people, being simultaneously single and happy is still unfathomable.
A lot of the comments I get from friends, family, and strangers come from a good place: most people think they’re doing me a favor. But the thing is, I don’t want or need your dating advice. And even if I did, I’ve heard it all a million times before.
1. “Be patient, your Mr. Right is out there somewhere.”
Yes, because I spend my days sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to walk into my life. Last year, I wrote an article about how my political opinions impact my dating life.
After reading it, my gran sent me a text message telling me not to worry, I still have plenty of time to find someone. Her intentions were well-meaning but she missed the point of my article which was about how women aren’t expected to voice strong opinions.
People who are single are not just waiting around to be discovered. Individuals lead productive lives just fine.
2. “But you’re so pretty!”
Please don’t ever say this.
Whenever someone says this to me, I imagine that I’m an object that is just waiting around for a man to pick me. My single status is not a one-way street. I am not just waiting for someone. I am not going to go for just anyone. And I’m certainly never settling for someone who bases my value on my physical appearance.
3. “You should get out more.”
No, thank you. I get out plenty and when I’m not out, I’m either working or spending time with friends or family who provide me with more than enough love and fulfillment.
Also, it’s none of your business.
4. “You need to lower your standards.”
I’ve heard this one most often. Surprisingly, it has come from other women.
I think it’s sad that many women believe it’s better to compromise themselves and what they believe in than be single. And I’m not talking about normal relationship compromises. I’m talking about compromising your core values like whether or not you support abortion rights.
5. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so vocal about your opinions.”
As someone that stands up for what they believe in, I get this one a lot. And that’s OK. I stand by what I believe in and I am happier being single than settling for someone who is intimidated by a woman who voices her opinions.
6. “You need to meet up with [insert name here].”
I know feeling like a matchmaker is probably fun, but please don’t subject your single friends to unwanted attempts of matchmaking. I don’t want to go on a date with the misunderstood guy from your sister’s office.
So please don’t try set me up on a date with him.
7. “Don’t worry, you’ll understand when you’re in a relationship.”
Look, I get that there are some things we only understand when we experience them. Imagine I was having problems with my studies and when asked about them, I responded: “you’ll understand this when you do the same degree as me.” It just doesn’t make sense. I hate that people assume everyone is going to be in a relationship one day and suddenly have a greater understanding of specific issues. Maybe I won’t.
Either explain your issues to me or don’t bring up the topic at all.
I guess what bugs me most is being continuously reminded by society that there’s something wrong with being single. If I am happy with being single, I wish everyone else could be too.