Editor's Picks, Weddings

Why I’m starting to think marriage is just an elaborate con

Marriage is like falling for a cleverly thought-out trap.

Before you read this piece, I would like to say that this is my personal opinion. Ready? Okay, let’s get started.

To begin with, let’s ask ourselves what marriage actually is.

The union between two people that is recognized by an authority or ceremony. Does this definition not sound like an outdated concept? The origins of marriage were about binding women to men, guaranteeing that the man’s children were his true heirs. In Greece, a father would hand over his daughter to the groom so she could produce legitimate heirs.

In modern marriages, whilst the expectation has changed it still has sentiments of the past. Women until today are subjected to their ‘traditional’ role in a marriage – homemaker, child bearer, being emotionally and physically available regardless of her own requirements. Particularly so in the Desi culture. The bride usually moves in with the groom’s family and is ‘expected’ to have children, take care of the house and conform to an array of unrealistic standards.

I do understand that many happy couples have an equal relationship that fulfills them completely, however unhappy marriages are still prevalent.

Take Jeannie Mai from the talk show, The Real. She comes from an immigrant single parent household and hustled to get to where she is today. Yet as soon as the couple divorced,  her ex-husband felt entitled to take part of her success from her. This means the hard-earned money she made went to him even though he had his own income. If your ex-spouse can support themselves then they should. You’re divorcing them for a reason, you shouldn’t have to give them money to secure the separation. This rule should only be disregarded when children are involved.

Marriage means signing a contract to sign away half of you and that is not something I’m keen on doing. If you no longer want to be married to that person, then you have to go to court or go to religious authority in order to separate. They can take their time and make you stay with someone if they refuse to agree.

That’s just toxic.

When I think about it, this is how I’ve witnessed abusive husbands leverage their power. When someone gets married, this could be a bitter reality they’d have to face.

I get it, not everyone who gets married gets divorced.

But statistics show that the point I’m making is true. They shed light on the problem, highlighting that fewer people are actually getting married globally.  Since 2005, the UK has recorded the lowest rate of people getting married as per data by the Office of National Statistics. There has been a steep drop in marital unions for women and men under 20 years of age since 2005 in the country.

According to the Pew Research Centre’s data for the US, one in seven adults says they don’t want to get married. The survey conducted in 2017 showed that 27% of respondents weren’t sure if they wanted to get married and 14% said they did not want to get married at all.

The point to be made is, that marriage should not be a requirement for everyone and should not be imposed on anyone. If you’re in a serious committed relationship and want to get married, then you should. If you don’t want to then you shouldn’t.

It is a choice that should be borne out of what you want for yourself.