When I started high school, I met a girl almost nine years older than me. In the beginning, I was very social and could adjust to any environment easily but everything changed once I met her.
One second she would be friendly and the next she would utter bad words, hating and criticizing others but always indirectly. At the beginning of our friendship, she treated me like her little sister and I used to think of her as an older sibling. But eventually, I saw that she didn’t care who she was insulting, even if it was someone close to her.
She had the habit of getting jealous of every single person around her which led to tense situations with many people but we were still best friends. She would indirectly fight with others, but it was a proxy war where I was constantly in the middle. She would demoralize, ignore and treat people horribly. Then, at some point, she decided that I was superior to her and she turned against me.
She started degrading me at every step when teachers’ demonstrated favoritism towards me. She would talk bad about me to others and discuss my grades with them, even if I had higher scores than she.
It didn’t bother me at first. I was happy and had problems with others. But, eventually, things went upside down. Her backstabbing was starting to bother me.
When was she talking about me? Who with? Why?
I had no answers. I attempted to ignore her actions but eventually accepted defeat. Human beings cannot bear disgrace for long without starting to suffer. I struggled for almost a whole semester.
Her bad mouthing started to change my behavior. I began isolating myself. I started taking her remarks seriously and I lost confidence in myself. I cut relations with people. I stopped talking to everyone and made my own little depressing world where I was all alone and didn’t allow anyone to step inside.
She had the ability to be nice to everyone when she wanted to, but I couldn’t. I pulled away from everyone because of what she did. This semester almost took everything from me: my social circle, my confidence, my ability to stand up for myself.
Later, I realized the importance of others who I had ignored and fought to come out of the dark place I was in. I started getting back to normal with the help of books and one good friend. They helped me while I was going through the worst of it.
I now understand that hiding yourself from negative people is not the solution to the problem. That response is how you lose and they win. I almost lost to myself. Don’t permit them to control you.