By day, you can find me cozied up in my lap desk penning out articles. By night… you can still find me cozied up in my lap desk penning out articles. However, at night you can also find me with a tray full of drinks, behind the bar, running circles in two-inch heels, black dress pants… and a corset. Naturally, I deal with a lot of BS. So, here’s a list of things female servers have to deal with on the daily.
1. The difficulty of locating your one clean pair of work pants.
Where did you put them? Big chance, you came home super tired and tossed them into the abyss that is the chair.
2. Clocking in and immediately having to pick up five tables.
Sometimes you want a few moments to get settled.
3. People coming from the bar and sitting down with their drinks at your tables.
Before you go immediately to the bar with the intention of sitting at a table, take a look around. Are there people walking around with trays? That means you probably should wait for your server.
4. “Do you ever get a day off?”
Okay, George, you’ve seen me here twice in six hours. Maybe you should consider what’s going on with your day off.
5. That moment when you think your table walked out, but they just went to the bathroom.
Every server has had that mini-heart attack, wondering if they’re about to be in big trouble.
6. Feeling like you’re stalking your tables because it’s slow and you have nothing else to do.
After a certain point, you know you’ve asked your table if “everything is okay” one too many times, and you don’t want to be annoying… it’s either that or pace the entire length of the restaurant several times. But you don’t want to sit in the back, because you don’t want to risk them walking out on the check.
7. “Stay in school, kid.”
You’re going to be really disappointed when you find out the bartender has two degrees, and I just graduated. Stop de-legitimizing the fact that my job is a real job.
8. “You don’t plan to stay here forever, do you?”
No, I don’t. However, asking this question is really patronizing for those who continue to stay in this profession, whether out of choice or necessity. It can’t be so hard to understand that people actually like serving others, right?
9. Spilling a tray full of drinks.
It’s inevitable. And now the bartender hates you, the busser hates you, your table is wondering where their vodka tonic is, and you’re drenched with various sticky substances.
10. “When is your shift over? I’ll buy you a drink.”
You really think I want to hang out with you after working for eight hours on my feet? Nah, I want to go home and I want to go to bed.
11. Walking by with a tray full of drinks, and someone asks, “can I order with you?”
Like, yes. But not this moment, I’m kinda busy.
12. The flappy hand.
This is typically an attempt at hailing your server but just makes you look like an overzealous jerk.
Sir, you just sat down. I can see you. I’m coming. Calm down.
13. The flappy hand, mixed with indecision.
Someone decides to flappy hand. You walk over, greet them, and ask them what they would like to order. Then they respond by flipping through the menu, ahh-ing, and umm-ing, asking their friends what they’re getting, and now we’ve all wasted precious seconds of our life we can never get back.
14. When you’re in the middle of a rush, have fifteen orders in your head, a tray full of drinks, and a man tells you to smile.
It lights you with the fury of a thousand suns. The world quiets to a murmur. Suddenly, it is simply you and that man alone. You do not smile. You make it a point to give this person you the ugliest, most disgusting scowl you could possibly accomplish.
And then you resume your far more important work.
15. “Wow, you’re pretty.”
Yes, this is a compliment, but it is inevitable that every lady server gets them all the time.
To the point where it’s annoying. Not to mention, if you don’t reply like it’s the first compliment you’ve ever gotten in your life, they’re almost offended.
16. Getting poked, grabbed or otherwise prodded.
Yes, thank you for the violation of personal space.
17. Having to endure long stories with a series of smile and nods… when you have 4 other tables waiting to order.
You don’t want to be rude, but you also super don’t have time to hear about Jennifer’s son’s goldfish dying. Sorry, Jen.
18. Having to fix your face when people say awful, offensive, or disgusting stuff.
Suppressing an eye-roll is a true work of art.
19. Having to split the check between seven credit cards.
Guys. We all have Venmo now. Or, here’s a novel idea: bring cash.
20. Dealing with aggressive family and friends fighting over the bill.
This is sooooo uncomfortable. My tactic is usually just to walk away and let them have at it.
21. Running around for needy tables that tip you 5%.
Oh. Thanks. I wish I would’ve known that before I got your stirred skinny margarita up, salted with fresh lime juice. I would’ve salted it with MY TEARS.
22. But you can’t deny, the money you can earn serving really helps.
Sure, serving can be a lot when you’re a woman. It’s catering to endless needs, with a side of constant sexual harassment from customers. However, it’s always worth it when you count your cash at the end of the night.