A wise woman once told me, “don’t believe what is said only believe in what you see.”
I spent years locked in an unhappy marriage just because I feared the consequences of divorce.
I was married for more than eight years but after six years of trying very hard to have a successful marriage, I faced the reality that we are not for each other. I was sure that we couldn’t be happy together.
I talked to my family about a divorce, but everyone was against it. They scared me with unreal outcomes that I would face after the divorce. I was told that my reputation would be damaged, no one will ever want to marry me, all men will try to take advantage of me and that I would be rejected by the community.
However, I insisted and got divorced. I was horrified, weak and thought that what I was told would happen. But surprisingly, after I started to live my life normally I discovered that no, life after divorce is not as bad as I was told.
From my experience as a divorced woman, I can say that most of what you read and hear is not true. I think that the consequences of divorce are often exaggerated, so allow me to tell you what I have experienced myself.
1. “You’ll be considered a husband stealer.”
I was told that all my married friends would cut off their relations with me and that they would think I would steal their husbands.
This didn’t happen at all. My friends are still my friends and none of them ever thought like that. I go to my friends’ homes while their husbands are present, and we even travel together. Nothing regarding our friendship changed after getting my new title. Finally, if any divorced woman experienced this, let me tell you clearly that it’s your friends’ problem, not yours. If a friend decided to end it up with you because you are now single, and she is terribly scared that her husband could think of you, so she is probably insecure and it’s her fault, not yours.
2. “Your options are now only limited to losers.”
People say that the next marriage will be to a loser, to someone terrible, because who else would marry a divorce? They told me that I would be lesser to other women because I am no longer a virgin.
No, I am not less than anyone, maybe I am even better than many. What did I do to attract losers and terrible men? What has changed in me? Nothing at all, I am still the same lady I was before getting married, maybe divorce made me wiser and more able to say no to losers.
3. “Everyone will use you.”
They said, “All men you date will not plan for something serious, and they will just be taking advantage of you financially or sexually.”
Let me stop here and tell you that single ladies are just like divorced ladies. They both face this same issue. Just make sure you set your limits.
4. “You cannot get divorced again.”
My mum once told me, “If you got married again and it didn’t go well, you will never be able to get divorced once more. You will be doomed in this unhappy marriage forever. You can’t handle the title of twice-divorced.”
Excuse me, why would I not do this again? Why would I stay in another unhappy marriage? I know now how to end it and when to end it if I have to. I handled the title of a divorced woman and I can handle the double too.
5. “You cannot raise your kids alone.”
They said, “Your kids will get negatively affected, kids cannot be raised properly without their biological father.”
No, your kids will not be affected if they are loved and understood. You can easily raise them alone and I think most married women today are taking care of their kids solely. If you got married to a loving person, he can be a great substitute to their biological one. Just make sure to pick the right guy this time.
To conclude, if you are so sure about your decision and you think that divorce is the only solution you have, be certain that there are negatives but life isn’t that bad after getting divorced.
Most of the claims you will be hearing aren’t real. Maybe they were legitimate in the past; I mean like 20 years ago, but they aren’t valid today. Divorce is more acceptable now.
People now know that divorced women are not less than other women. What happened to her is fate and no lady ever planned her marriage to end with divorce.
You can control very well what others think of you with your personality and attitude. Moreover, do not worry about your kids, they will be fine, just love them and they will be great.
6. “So few women actually get divorced.”
Finally, as we all know, divorce rates have been going up in the past years, which means every group of friends has two or three divorced friends. People interact with a divorced woman every day.