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What’s the best – and worst – advice you’ve gotten about procrasturbating?

We’re collecting the best - and worst - advice out there - and we need help from you.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

What’s the best piece of masturbation advice you’ve ever received? For me, it was to grab a mirror and have a good look at myself. Because damn, there are a lot of bits down there – bits that we don’t always learn about in sex ed.

The worst masturbation advice I’ve ever received, on the other hand, was to masturbate with toothpaste.

According to an unnamed women’s magazine I read when I was sixteen, the ‘minty-fresh’ sensation was supposed to bring a ‘delightful tingle’ to your nether regions. Hard pass, I thought, remembering the burning sensation of toothpaste on a tongue ulcer I had years before.

A GIF of toothpaste exploding on a toothbrush.
[Image description: A GIF of toothpaste exploding on a toothbrush.] Via GIPHY
Figuring out the difference between good and awful masturbation advice often isn’t so clear-cut. Let’s face it – it’s something we don’t talk about often enough. Whether your advice is funny, useful, or mind-blowing, we want to hear from you!

We’re asking our readers to share the best - and worst - masturbation advice they’ve ever been given. Whether your advice is funny, useful, or mind-blowing, we want to hear from you! Click To Tweet

To get your creative, um, juices flowing, I asked some of my friends.

The best advice:

Invest in a vibrator. Even if you decide it doesn’t feel great, it’s fun to play around with different sensations.
Do it in the shower. The soothing, private environment of the shower makes it one of the best places to masturbate.
Wash your hands before you masturbate. This rule will help you prevent pesky urinary tract infections.

The worst advice:

Masturbate with a full bladder. Unless you’re masturbating in the shower or on waterproof sheets, that sounds like a recipe for disaster.
– Don’t ever masturbate on your period. While period sex is something I don’t personally enjoy, it’s totally okay to masturbate when you’re menstruating – if you’re okay with that!
Masturbation is something everyone enjoys. This isn’t true. Some people don’t like it – and that’s okay!

Here we go.

So, we want to know: What’s the best and worst masturbation advice you’ve ever gotten?

GIF of RuPaul saying "Honey, get out the china because I'm about to spill the tea"
[Image description: GIF of RuPaul saying “Honey, get out the china because I’m about to spill the tea”] via GIPHY

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Sian Ferguson

Sian Ferguson

Based in South Africa, Sian is the proud parent of three cats and numerous pot plants. In addition to working as the Assistant Love Editor at The Tempest, Sian is a freelance health journalist. She has been passionate about reading and writing for as long as she can remember, so working as a writer and editor is a dream come true for her. In her spare time, she loves cooking, baking, and learning about astrology.

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