In India, the concept of matchmakers is popular.
This means well-meaning folks will connect prospective brides and grooms with each other. Here’s the problem though: they think that if your education, and height and color (yes, I kid you not) match, you’d make a great pair. Of course, none of these attributes can determine whether you are a good person or not – and it doesn’t mean you’ll be a good spouse.
The arranged marriage process can be tedious but sometimes, it can be hilarious.
1. The Guy Who Thinks Looks Are Everything
I cannot truly believe that these people still exist today, but after meeting several, my heart goes out to anyone who has met them. They have unrealistic expectations of what their future wife should look like. Sadly, sometimes their parents conform to this too.
You cannot expect to have factory-made precision when choosing your spouse in an arranged marriage!
A guy’s mom once called my mother to find out if I was slim and had long hair. My mom said that I was average-sized, and had shoulder-length hair. The lady then said that I was not what her son was looking for and rudely disconnected the call. My hair could grow, you know? Plus, if he only likes slim people, what is he going to do when I get pregnant – divorce me?
2. The Interviewer
This kind of guy would love to know everything about you in detail but when you ask him a question, he clams up and gives you one-word responses. He wants to get to know you but apparently, he prefers not talking about himself.
Seriously, even if it is an arranged marriage, it’s gotta be a two-way street, right?
3. The Deceiver
Be very wary of these kinds of people who turn deception into an art form. I know of a friend who thought her fiancé owned a whole host of swanky cars and bikes. Considering he changed the one he drove every week, I don’t blame her.
She found out much later that he owned none of them, but worked in a garage, so he could take them out for test drives.
4. The Disinterested
There are those who want to get married and there are those who turn up because someone has told them to do so.
It could be anyone from parents to family or friends. The sad part is that their disinterest isn’t always obvious. You can usually tell if someone is zoned out on a date. But how can you tell if he goes through the motions, pretends to be interested until after dating a while you say you like him, only to be told “Oh, you’re serious?! Well, I’m not. I only met you because my dad told me to.”
5. The Player
The toughest to identify, this one does the worst damage. I met one of these recently.
We had great conversations, we connected on several things, had similar ideas on life, the works. While I was initially blinded by the connection we shared, I soon noticed that he’d say something just to see my reaction and would then change his opinion, which felt very manipulative. He’d treat me badly just to see how much I’d be willing to put up with. I kept trying to make it work until I realized it was only me doing it. He kept trying to break things up instead. That’s when it hit me: although it seemed pleasant at first, I needed to give this one up for my own sanity.
Of course, not everyone is that bad.
I’ve met guys who were great too, but who just couldn’t think of me romantically. We became friends instead and still keep in touch. So for all of you who are out there and still looking for your life partner, especially if you’re hoping for an arranged marriage, remember that you’re not alone.
No one is worth your sanity and peace of mind.