Gender & Identity, Life Stories, Life

It wasn’t until I turned 20 that my mother contacted me for the first time

My father separated us after their divorce.

It was my 20th birthday.

I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline when suddenly a message popped up in my inbox. As soon as I read it, chills went down my spine. I could not believe my eyes. It was a message from somebody who was unknown to me, but she was the one I had longed to meet my entire life yet could not dare say it to anybody.

It was a message from my mother, the one who gave birth to me and brought me into this world.

I didn't meet my mother until I was 20 years old. Click To Tweet

My parents got divorced when I was a year and a half old. My father took me from my mom via force and she was not allowed to see me.

Long story short, we had never met each other for almost twenty years. In the meantime, my father married for the second time and so did my mom. My stepmother took care of me if not out of love out of responsibility, though she was not like the typical scary stepmother. I tried my best to find my mother in her but to no avail. Similar is the case with motherhood. No woman can replicate the bond that she shares with her own kids with anyone else’s children no matter how much she tries.

There was always a gap between me and my stepmom.

My stepmother tried her best, but a mom cannot be replaced. Click To Tweet

Hence, I would miss my mother at every new hurdle that life threw on me and at every new step that I would take towards life. Days passed, months passed and even years passed like that.

I tried to find my mother but I could not.

Facebook reconnected us after almost two decades, though it was almost too late by then. We had both learned to live without each other. So initially I did not respond much. But the bond of a mother and child has some kind of magnetic attraction. So we started chatting, which led to our first meeting and now we are in constant touch and meet often.

Facebook reconnected us after almost two decades, though it was too late by then. Click To Tweet

Though I am turning 24 this month, I feel like I am turning four because it’s been only four years since I am in contact with my mother. I feel like I am filling out those spaces in my personality that was created due to her absence from my life.

I missed my mother my entire life despite her being alive. I feel that I could have been a much better person had she been living close to me.

Despite being quite successful, I know that I am left with a lot of shortcomings in my life that only I am aware of and that is all because I was living away from my mother during the developmental stages of my life.

Gone are the days when I needed her to take care of me and pamper me. Now, since we have found each other, we still don’t share the conventional mother-daughter relationship.

Rather, we have become the best of friends who share each other’s joys and grievances and are there to back each other up in bad and troublesome times.

It’s a blessing that I will never take for granted.