Movies, Books, Pop Culture

My life as a fangirl made it impossible for me to find my real life soulmate

I had to force myself to snap out of it the hard way.

I’ve been a fangirl for as long as I can remember.

My association with the word goes back to the time when I wasn’t even aware of its existence, let alone being labeled “cool” for joining the bandwagon. I was 10 years old and oblivious to worldly affairs when I read my first Harry Potter book and as dramatic as it sounds, I was awestruck. I had never imagined that mere words could have such an enticing effect. That is when it all began.

From that point on, I slowly let the world of fandom consume me until I became a full time fangirl.

A young boy cosplaying as Harry Potter at Comic-Con.
[Image description: A young boy cosplaying as Harry Potter at Comic-Con.]
The thing with being a part of fandoms is that they gradually evolve from an intricately woven fantasy to a world that flawlessly outshine every aspect of the “real world” we live in.

Being a fangirl is a constant struggle of reminding yourself that even though the world of literature, television, and music provides an alternate reality of perfection and an alluring escape, reality is where you belong. While thoroughly engrossed in my fandom life, I couldn’t help but begin to notice the  unrealistic standards for relationships and people set by pop culture.

[bctt tweet=” I slowly let the world of fandoms consume me until I became a full time fangirl.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Fandom helped me find solace in during all of my uncertain teenage years of flickering emotions and scattered sensibilities. However, it ended up becoming the fountainhead of “The List”.

Conventionally, every individual has a set of characteristics that they’d like their partner to possess.  However, for me “the list” was an amalgamation of attributes that were too perfect  for any individual to possess. While the “list” did contain a few attainable points based on my experience with pop culture, I chose to conveniently discard them and instead focus on my unrealistic expectations of men.

I wanted to be with someone who was talented, had a labyrinthine character, and physical features that surpassed those of Zeus. Subconsciously, I began to compare every boy who approached me to the superficial attributes of fictional character or musician I’d ideally like to be with.

A man cosplaying as sexy Gandalf laying on the floor.
[Image description: A man cosplaying as sexy Gandalf laying on the floor.]
At a point, where all of my friends were dating someone, I kept burying myself deeper into disappointment. Not only had my idealized demands had begun to crumble but I had also begun to lose faith in my life as a fangirl which had been my anchor for so long.

This is when I hit an emotional rock bottom.

I was trying so hard to force my nonexistent love life to mimic the actions of other people, and it made me lose my own uniqueness. In fact, the image I had of myself, in general, began to blur.

I knew that I need to change. And I needed to change quickly.

[bctt tweet=”I wanted to be with someone who was talented, had a labyrinthine character, and physical features that surpassed those of Zeus.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Be it friendship, or a romantic relationship, pop culture paints a picture which depicts a idealized scenario which we often unknowingly try to achieve. Millennials tend to compare their relationships to this so-called ideal scenario. The unrealistic expectations that we have of people eventually drains us  completely.

Pop culture needs to be appreciated what it is and not for what we want it to be.

While my vain attempts of fitting humans into molds was excessively unhealthy, it’s the reason I possess an astute insight about the world that I wouldn’t trade for the last Beatles vinyl (…or maybe I would). It essentially helped me discover myself, my love for writing and helped me gain clarity about the kind of relationship I want.

A much toned down version of “the list” still persists in my head. But it is more realistic and not based on fictional Casanovas and their fictional conquests. It has helped me identify myself and what I want from my future relationships. It is also the reason that I know for a fact that, when the time comes, settling  won’t be an option for me. He won’t be the Draco Malfoy of my wildest fangirl dreams, and I’m okay with that.