As an Asian, whether you’re from South, East or Southeast Asia, can you ever imagine yourself as a guest in a small wedding?
I bet most of you definitely can’t.
All my cousin ever wished for was a small and simple wedding. A private celebration with both solemnization or akad nikah and reception in one day, held at the bride’s home. They both wanted to share their happiest moment with family, close relatives, and few friends. Not the distant relatives they’ve never heard about or been close with.
The total number of invited guests was fifty, which could perfectly fit the bride’s house for the whole day.
[bctt tweet=”All my cousin ever wished for was a small and simple wedding.” username=”wearethetempest”]
There was no worry about the wedding budget. The cost only covered the food, simple decorations and also compensations for a few people we hired as the servers during the reception. Lucky for the bride, my cousin’s mother made her a dress for the wedding, and also as a gift for her. My uncle, being an excellent cook, offered to cater the wedding. So far, everything was going according to the plan.
It would be a perfect, humble outdoor wedding. We could already imagine the view of the backyard where it’d be full of decorated chairs and tables, roofed over with the canopies.
Then the long-awaited day finally arrived.
Everything was going well at first. But, being a hostess, I noticed something wrong an hour after the house started to flood with guests.
There were a lot of people we weren’t expecting!
[bctt tweet=”There were a lot of people we weren’t expecting!” username=”wearethetempest”]
As a community of people-pleasers, hurting their feelings would be utterly unacceptable. It was totally rude to deny their presence in the wedding, so I had no choice but to allow them in. I had to fake the smile and pretended to be glad, but mentally I kept questioning them: ‘Who the hell invited you?’
In no time, the house was overcrowded, mostly with gatecrashers. My cousin and his newly-wed bride weren’t amused at all with it. Both sides of the families kept asking each other, ‘Who invited these people?’ It wasn’t long until we found out that these uninvited guests were informed by the ones we selected and decided to invite themselves. They were disappointed that we didn’t plan to include them in the celebration.
The backyard was already full, and those who were sitting comfortably were mostly the uninvited guests. Even the table reserved for the newly-wed couple and their families were occupied! We chose fifty guests to attend the wedding, but the number of the guests who turned up was more than two hundred!
[bctt tweet=”In no time, the house was overcrowded, mostly with gatecrashers.” username=”wearethetempest”]
There are no words to stress enough how frustrated we were with the situation. Just when we thought the problem couldn’t be worse, there was another issue.
We ran out of food.
The newly-wed couple hadn’t even touched the food. My brothers had to rush to the market and shop so we could cook for more. But it turned out to be a waste of time because most of the guests decided to leave after waiting for so long. They were so annoyed at not getting any seat and food. In the midst of the noise and chatter, I could hear them saying: ‘This is the worst wedding I’ve ever been to!’
They came uninvited to the wedding, and they had the audacity to complain?
The wedding was a failure, much to my cousin and his new wife’s devastation. For the first time ever in my family’s history, the newlyweds had to starve on their own wedding day. They stayed in the wedding podium because the place where they were supposed the feast was taken by irresponsible guests.
[bctt tweet=”They didn’t receive an invitation, wasn’t that a clear enough message that they were not invited?” username=”wearethetempest”]
They didn’t receive an invitation, wasn’t that a clear enough message that they were not invited? Yes, of course, they’d be completely disappointed for not being included in the celebration. They’d feel as if they were not important enough to witness someone’s union and share the moment. Or to enjoy the food and socialize with other guests.
But one thing people should’ve understood was that the day was NOT about them. The day was all about my cousin and his wife. It should’ve been their day, celebrated in their own way. Unfortunately, it was completely ruined by those who thought their feelings were more important than the newlyweds’.
This is the lesson I’ve learned from this disastrous wedding: if you’re not invited, do NOT show up to the wedding. That’s their wish, so respect their decision. It doesn’t mean you’re being left out or ignored, but they only want to share the happiest moment of their life with the people who mean so much to them. Instead of taking it personally, why not just wish them the best?
You might be close to the family or relatives, but not the ones who are getting married. So you can’t say you deserve to be there when they clearly didn’t plan on inviting you.