Love + Sex, Love

Dear Kaka, you were the sports superstar I always crushed on – and it’ll never change

'Coz all the celebrities in the world got nothing on you

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Dear Kaka,

I was never the kind of girl who was into celebrities.

I could not recognize most A-listers and I was not bothered about it. I preferred books that transported you to another world, but all the males close to me were very much into football. So it came as no surprise that when I developed a crush on a high profile personality, it was not on a Hollywood star but on a soccer superstar.

You.

It came as no surprise that when I developed a crush on a high profile personality, it was not on a Hollywood star but on a sports superstar. You. @KAKA #MyCelebrityCrush #TeamKaka Click To Tweet

The first time I saw you, it was on a recording of a confederation match. I was intrigued.

“Who is that?” “What team does he play for?” “How long has he been playing for?”

My brothers looked me straight in the eyes and calmly proclaimed that I liked you. Of course, I denied it. I thought I was just being curious. Even after I spent the next hours going through the recordings in a bid to unravel you, see more of you…I still thought it a harmless curiosity.

At this stage I did the next natural thing. I searched like crazy.

The first time I ever had a jealous outburst was when I typed your name into Google’s search bar and a picture of your wedded bliss showed up. Apparently, you had just gotten married. I felt the heat rise up my chest and kiss my cheeks. I mean… what the hell? Yes, in my rummage through my father’s football magazines I’d gathered that you were engaged, but it still took me aback. I was transfixed and embarrassed and so damn jealous.

I didn’t really know the feeling before that day.

The first time I ever had a jealous outburst was when I typed your name into Google’s search bar and a picture of your wedded bliss showed up. I mean… what the hell? #Kaka Click To Tweet

In the searches that inevitably followed that one, I found out that you had waited until marriage to have sex and that your teammates thought it hilarious. I was impressed.

You were a superstar with all that fame and money and women who would just die to be with you, yet you choose to wait.

In that moment, you won my respect.

And with rock-solid principles like this, my respect for you was cemented. You went from being an inaccessible star that I had it bad for to a human being I could relate to as a Muslim girl committed to waiting until marriage.

You went from being an inaccessible star that I had it bad for to a human being I could relate to. I was a Muslim girl who was expected to wait till marriage and never go near any intoxicant. #Respect #kaka Click To Tweet

So I spent the next few years following your career.

I celebrated your wins with you and mourned your losses. I proudly proclaimed that I was your fan. At this point I didn’t bother to hide my fondness of you. I entertained fantasies in which you were the one obsessed with me for a change. In some, you would travel to my country, get lost, and I would be the Good Samaritan who saves you. You would then become entranced with me and even accept Islam as a result.

In others, I would hunt you down to one of your game locations, make sure you took notice of me and the rest would be history. I even found a contact I thought was a direct line to the San Siro but I don’t remember ever dialing it.

Yet in others, you would be retired and Muslim and I would be widowed or separated and we would end up together. It was amazing the kind of stories I told myself. It was no wonder my dreams were mostly enactments of these meet-you fantasies.

I entertained fantasies in which you were the one obsessed with me for a change. Click To Tweet

Then one day your team was pitted against mine.

See, a long time ago, I decided that I was a Manchester United fan. I had a bad case of divided loyalty that night. On one hand, of course I wanted my team to whup you guys but on the other, I wanted you to shine. And shine you did, netting a goal that is still considered one of your best, a goal that had me laughing out loud.

It was beyond hilarious.

Your big move to Spain upset me. Not because I had anything against La Liga but because I had read reports in which you explicitly denied that you were making a move. I didn’t expect such disparity between your words and actions. I expected more from you.

Then began your professional downfall. Each time you got injured I was concerned but kept up hope. You were still the best, a little delicate now, but still kickass.

Each time you got injured I got concerned but kept the hope. You were still the best, a little delicate but you were still kick-ass. #kaka #TeamKaka Click To Tweet

I defended you when my brothers made it their business to let me know that your star was waning. They did it just to get a rise out of me and I took the bait every time because I just had to come to your defense. So you can imagine my anger when you announced your move to MLS – usually the last step before a soccer player retires.

I know it was none of my business.

You didn’t know me, had no hint of my then obsession and you have thousands of fans but hey, I was pissed. As far as I could tell, you were giving up. How could you give up on yourself when I was busy defending you?

More importantly, how could I keep expecting you to get up and dust yourself off if you’d already thrown in the towel?

How could you give up on yourself when I was busy defending you? #kaka Click To Tweet

In retrospect, it was probably a good move considering your injuries and your reputation. You ‘left’ when we were still hungry for you thereby executing an honorable retreat.

Your recent retirement from professional soccer brought back memories of the years I spent obsessing over you and all the ways in which we would end up together. So this one is for you, one of only eight footballers to have won the World Cup, the Champions League, and the Ballon d’Or.

Soccer history will never forget you… and neither will your fans.

This one is for the legend that you are. Football history will never forget you… and neither will your fans. #Kaka #GoodbyeKaka #GoodByeLegend Click To Tweet

Now that all is said and done:  @KAKA follow back maybe? 🙂

Fatuma Abdullahi

Fatuma Abdullahi

Co-owner of a ladies only gym, a freelance writer and a poet. She is also a business graduate from USIU - AFRICA, a tech enthusiast and a mummy to two energetic boys. She lives in Nairobi, Kenya with her husband.

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