Love, Advice

Society teaches us to never trust other women from the moment we’re born

Our friendships seem doomed from the start.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Growing up, I was warned not to blindly trust my friends. I was advised against the free sharing of dirty secrets because girls can’t keep secrets, not for too long anyway. When I was older, subtle warnings become blatant counsel against letting single girlfriends too close to your partner when and if you got married.

Stories about the best friend who became the co-wife were shared in juicy detail. It was almost like a horror story in its deliverance. There were even stories of blood sisters stealing husbands!

There were even stories of sisters stealing husbands. I mean blood sisters. Click To Tweet

These stories were not tied to the domestic. They had a professional aspect as well as an academic one. There was the evil female boss who always got in your way. The female gynecologist who was downright mean… didn’t you hear how male doctors are just gentler and nicer?

All these warnings set women up for a life of mistrust. We learned from society and family that women are not to be trusted, so then who is to be blamed if our female friendships are characterized by suspicion?

If we are told over and over again throughout our formative years, that a woman is not the type of human being you can trust…can we really be blamed for being defensive around each other?

If we are told over and over again throughout our formative years, by family, society, friends, strangers and media, that a woman is not the type of human being for trust… can we really be blamed for being defensive around each… Click To Tweet

Our cattiness is so universal, so obvious and so strange that we inspired an entire saying,  women are their own worst enemies. But why? Why do women feel the need to put each other down?

Our cattiness is so universal, so obvious and so strange that we inspired an entire saying... women are their own worst enemies. But why? Click To Tweet

I believe that the answer is in the mind. We believe that there aren’t enough resources to go around. Not enough brag-worthy jobs, not enough responsible men, not enough money, love…you name it and we believe it to be a resource worth fighting over.

We believe that there aren’t enough resources to go around. Not enough brag-worthy jobs, not enough responsible men, not enough money, love… you name it and we believe it to be a resource worth fighting over. Click To Tweet

Women have had to fight for everything, for their right to work, to choose a partner, to not undergo female genital mutilation, and even to live. Female infanticide is still a thing in today’s world. This puts women in a mental mindset in which all these rights are still privileges and as long as that is the issue, women will always view each other as competition first and whatever else second.

Women have had to fight for everything, for their right to work, to choose a partner, to not undergo female genital mutilation and even to live. Female infanticide still a thing in today's world Click To Tweet

This mindset has to be shifted and we have to truly believe that there is more than enough for everyone. Only then can the sisterhood begin to heal. Only then can we be true friends and helpers to each other.

Fatuma Abdullahi

Fatuma Abdullahi

Co-owner of a ladies only gym, a freelance writer and a poet. She is also a business graduate from USIU - AFRICA, a tech enthusiast and a mummy to two energetic boys. She lives in Nairobi, Kenya with her husband.

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