6 truths every American-born Pakistani living in the motherland will understand
Yes, I speak and understand Urdu. Yes, that is an American accent you hear. You want to know what I am doing here? Some days I am not so sure myself.

I live in my parents’ Pakistani motherland. My one remaining parent and sibling live in America, and it confuses everyone here. There are plenty of articles out there about second-generation immigrant children making brief visits to their parents’ home countries.
However, for those of us who have made the decision to leave the U.S. and to live in our parents’ countries for an indefinite or short period of time, the narrative varies.
1. You keep hoping your accent is less noticeable and your English to Urdu translations make sense when you say them aloud
Never mind, I think I’ll pass on that.
2. Everyone asks you if you feel “adjusted” to Pakistan
I will never get used to line jumping nor the gross amounts of open dumping and disregard for the environment. The churning in my stomach when my husband is not around me in certain settings that are dominated by men makes me feel like a weakling. Everything that reminds me to remember my place in Pakistan simply because I have a vagina makes me sick. In many other places in the world where I have traveled as a solo woman, I am ready to sing Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women,” but I feel the difficulty magnified here too much to do so.
I try to ignore all of it for my own self-care and sanity, but that does not mean I accept it. And hey, I am driving now in this country by myself, so at least I can let Destiny’s Child blare through my speakers!
3. When people ask you how you deal with staring men in public, you realize there is no real answer
If I ever wanted to feel mobile and independent in this country I had to ignore it and let go of any shame of simply being a woman.
4. Some South Asian Americans who have not visited the motherland in over ten years, try to tell you what “desi culture” is all about
Me in India: this country is beyond redemption
Me everywhere else: I have chutney in my veins, we discovered zero, I rode elephants to school, Ravi Shankar is my distant uncle. Chicken Tikka Masala for lyfe. https://t.co/dtqWBZg8Xe
— FlyingSam (@Naa_Cheese) November 27, 2017
Aside from Pakistani dramas, Indian Bollywood movies, and some politics, few diaspora South Asians have any desire to live in the motherland. When I speak to people who have not visited in over ten years I am surprised by how frozen they are in the past with no context of what Pakistan (or even India) is like today. I can understand why most do not visit or give living here a try. But I do not understand how South Asian families back in my American home still expect their children to maintain this static culture. Living here has made me realize that I do not want to impose any of this cultural baggage on any kids I have.
The gaajar ka halwa (a sweet dish made of carrots) and beautiful Urdu poetry can stay though!
5. You stop feeling flattered when people tell you that your American accent will help you in basically everything. Â
6. Even on days when negativity feels too easy in Pakistan, you are grateful for the character building. Â
Living in my parents’ home country has not been “going back to my roots” as one might imagine. It is living in a new place, but looking like the people around me, more than anything.