Weddings

I’m a loud feminist, but my wedding definitely won’t be

I would rather have a feminist marriage than a feminist wedding.

As a little girl, nothing excited me more than the prospect of getting married. I dreamed of puffy wedding gowns, descending roses all over the hall, a grand entrance, and 300 of my closest family and friends.

When we gathered at my grandparents’ house as children, my cousins and I would sometimes hold pretend weddings where everyone would be given a different role each time. I reveled in the thought that someday I wouldn’t have to play pretend anymore and I could have my own grand wedding.

[bctt tweet=”I reveled in the thought that someday I wouldn’t have to play pretend anymore.” username=”wearethetempest”]

However, the more I delved into the world of feminism, the more I questioned my initial idea of how I wanted my wedding to be. I started reading about how weddings are a consumerist show of status and how the very idea of having a “traditional” wedding depends heavily on the engaged couple adhering to heteronormative gender roles.

Some people who throw big wedding parties focus too much on trying to have the most extravagant wedding rather than a celebration of love. In the end, it becomes a showcase of how much money the couple’s families are willing to spend on the wedding.

[bctt tweet=”It becomes a show of how much money the couple’s families are willing to spend.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Some women take on all the planning themselves and only consult their husbands-to-be when it comes time to pay the bill. But weddings are a celebration of two people, so they both should have a say in what happens.

I heard so many people complain about how much money and time they spent planning their weddings only to end up not enjoying it themselves. They wanted to do everything they could to live up to everyone else’s expectations of what a perfect wedding should look like, all the while never considering what they wanted.

Even though I understood the drawbacks of having a “traditional” wedding, I couldn’t help but struggle with wanting to uphold my feminist beliefs and dismiss the urge to conform to society’s expectations.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from feminism it is that it gives women the right to choose to do what they want.

So even though it goes against a lot of what I believe in, I still hope to have the wedding I wanted as a little girl. I want to be able to celebrate the day I choose to spend the rest of my life with the person I love, and I want everyone to share that fairytale day with us.

I would much rather have a feminist marriage than a feminist wedding. Does it really matter if I opt-out of wearing a dazzling dress if I go on to live with someone who scrutinizes my body? Does it make a difference if I invite 20 or 200 people when my future spouse will end up controlling every relationship I have?

[bctt tweet=”I would much rather have a feminist marriage than a feminist wedding.” username=”wearethetempest”]

I want to be with someone who appreciates my love for celebrations, whether that’s weddings, birthdays, or even random feel-good days. I want someone who supports me and encourages me the way that I would encourage and support them. I want someone who’s willing to put up with all the good and the bad that can come with a marriage.

I want someone who is as feminist as I am, and someone who puts it into effect every day of our lives.

Maybe it will mean I’ll have to take off a few things from my Pinterest wedding board, but as long as I get to live out my princess bride dream, I’m all for it.