Growing up and attending college in the Midwest, I’ve dealt with my fair share of blizzards, terrible road conditions, power outages, and general miserableness. It’s interesting to hear some of my friends from Texas talk about how they’ve never seen large quantities of snow or how they think 50 degrees is cold. Even more fascinating is talking to people who live in regions that don’t receive a lot or any of the terrible white stuff and hearing them say they want to experience a white Christmas or go ice skating in subzero temperatures.
No, you don’t.
In case you can’t tell, I’m not a huge fan of winter or the weather that comes with it. If you also find zero joy in being snowed in or breaking your back shoveling your way out of your house, you’ll appreciate these scenarios.
1. Wiping out and looking like a fool
Ice is no joke! Plus, besides making a royal ass of yourself when you’re heading to class, walking to work, or stepping out of your car, you can seriously injure yourself. No thanks.
2. Dressing in 30 layers and still getting frostbitten
All the scarves, jackets, and gloves in the world only make a negligible difference when you’re out battling the cold, but the moment you enter a building, you sweat your ass off.
3. Abysmal driving conditions
Does anyone remember the winter blizzard in Chicago in 2011 that forced people to abandon their frozen cars on Lake Shore Drive for days? Hard pass on that shit.
4. Waiting for any public transportation is a nightmare
Your toes get cold, your fingers go numb, and you generally hate your life. During these moments of waiting for the bus, you would easily agree to literally live in Hell if it meant never seeing snow again.
5. Watching your heating bill go through the roof during winter
You might as well just burn your money in the fireplace. It may be a more effective way of keeping you warm.
6. Scraping ice off your windshield in subzero temperatures
If you’ve never done this, consider yourself lucky. Chiseling away an inch of built-up ice is not a fun way to start your morning, but alas, this is the dismal fate many of us encounter during the winter months.
7. Fighting for your life at the grocery store, pre-blizzard
If there’s an impending blizzard, you can bet your ass you’re going to have to fight some people at the grocery store to get that last loaf of bread. Winter is for the savages.
8. Wondering if your face has permanently lost feeling
The brutal wind will numb your face and freeze your nostrils. During the winter, you will walk around with your head bent, hoping to protect your face from the below-zero wind chill. Unfortunately, this doesn’t really make a difference.
9. Drinking more alcohol to stay warm
There’s nothing to do outside, it’s cold as fuck, and it’s not like you’re going to be driving anywhere. You now have a valid excuse to make every night a wine night.
10. Wondering if this godforsaken season will ever end
You cry yourself to sleep at night, wishing for spring and summer. You would literally sell your soul to avoid another winter and the harshness that goes with it.
If you love winter, cool. Maybe you enjoy suffering. As for me, I would be content to live my life never seeing snow again or having to worry about black ice.