Love + Sex, Love, Life Stories

13 things you’ll only understand if you hate dating

HOT TIP: wait to reply to his text until you no longer care if he lives or dies

If you’re someone who hates emotions, easily feels awkward, finds the idea of being shackled to a significant other panic-inducing, thinks that marriage is a trap, finds mushy couples nauseating, or just generally dislikes dating, I feel you. Dating is hard, especially in 2017, and some of us prefer to keep things lowkey and stick to casual hookups. Some of us don’t even go that far and prefer to have casual wine nights with the same four friends, weekend after weekend because meeting new people is exhausting.

This is especially true if you're about as sentimental as a paint chip. Click To Tweet

Quite frankly, being in a relationship seems way too demanding for me. Relationships drain me and take up precious time I could be using to see my friends, explore new cities, research important social issues, and sleep. I’m not a particularly warm person, and I can admit that I have little interest in romance (gag) or PDA.

If you also find yourself emotionally estranged at all times or just really value your freedom, you’ll probably identify with these statements on a deep level.

1. You think flirting is hard

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I’m a very sarcastic person, so attempting to turn that part of my personality off and actually be nice to someone who is showing interest in me is difficult.

I’m often kinda mean and scare people off, but I can’t really help it.

2. You’re terrified of “catching feelings”

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This is especially true if you’re about as sentimental as a paint chip. Where did these feelings come from? Do I actually genuinely care about someone other than myself? How do I stop this?

3. You dread having the “What are we?” conversation with your fuck buddy

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We’re nothing because I’m about the dip-the-fuck-out-and-end-all-contact-with-you approach.

4. Seeing your friends in happy relationships and knowing you’ll never have that is a sad reality check

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Do you ever look at happy couples and feel a yearning for a significant other who isn’t a total fuck, only to remember the combination of your debilitating anxiety, tendency to cancel plans and general emotional unavailability that only perpetuates your relationship with wine?

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5. Your response to nosy relatives is on point because you’ve said it so many times

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For the umpteenth time, no, I’m not seeing anyone, because I avoid that shit like the plague. Nothing to see here, move along!

6. Listening to your friends’ relationship troubles is lowkey annoying because you just can’t relate

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I want to be there for you, but nobody likes me, so there’s that. I don’t know what it’s like to enjoy being with someone else in the first place, so I probably can’t help you.

7. You make it abundantly clear to all your hookups that you’re NOT looking for anything more

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So they won’t text/snap/slide into your DMs the next day! Be honest from the start so you don’t have to deal with their emotional baggage later.

8. You’re resigned to being the third (or fifth) wheel when you go out with your friends and their partners

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But at this point, it’s not even weird anymore.

You’re no longer just tagging along; it’s more like you’re a part of a small family. And you’d rather hang out with your friends than a significant other, anyway.

9. You honestly wonder how TF people get married

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HOW? How do you decide you want to spend a lifetime with someone? How can you put up with someone else’s annoying habits, day after day, year after year?

I can’t even decide if I like these tacos enough to eat all three.

10. You scoff at the idea of soulmates

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Lmao, excuse me, what?

Yes, I’m clearly jaded, but also, soulmates aren’t a thing. When people use this term I’m caught between laughing hysterically and vomiting, and sometimes I’m not polite enough to keep this reaction inside.

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11. You feel legit nauseated at the prospect of long-term commitments

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Surprise, those aren’t butterflies in your stomach, it’s just your stomach churning.

12. You’re pretty sure that if you ever are married, divorce will absolutely be part of your future

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I hate to be super pessimistic, but it’s true. If I get tired of people after dating them for only a few months, how will I survive a marriage?

‘Till death do us part, no thank you.

13. You have constant crushes but know none of them are serious

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You see attractive people, admire them from afar, but since you’re awkward, you never approach them or make any serious moves. This aggravates your friends to no end, but you’re content to stay in your reclusive bubble.

Will I ever find a life partner? Probably not. Dating simply isn’t enjoyable or worthwhile to me.

Plenty of friends and family have told me that I just haven’t met the right person. News flash: men are terrible and I’ll probably never meet one I can stand. But my aversion to dating goes beyond my hatred of the patriarchy.

I genuinely value time to myself. I don’t see anything wrong with going through life without a partner; in fact, traveling, living, and making life changes by yourself can be incredibly fulfilling and even relaxing.

If you’re like me and dating isn’t for you, don’t let anyone tell you that it should be. Keep doing what you’re comfortable with and living your best life.

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Lauren Jones

Lauren Jones

Lauren Jones received her BA in English Literature from Marquette University. She is interested in reproductive justice, intersectional feminism, and domestic violence. She loves decaf coffee and hates the patriarchy.

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