Dear Madame Lestrange,
My boyfriend and I have become recently sexually active, and there’s only one problem – I’ve never orgasmed before and have no idea what it feels like since I’ve never tried any “self-love.” So when the pleasure does start building up I feel like I need to pee (this is from pure clit stimulation).
What can I do to solve this? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? Because I really don’t want to have any kind of accident on him.
The first time you orgasm can be terrifying and thrilling, especially if you’re doing it with a partner. There are so many reasons why it can be difficult to come for the first time and the lack of informed sex education we receive doesn’t make it any better.
But luckily, there are ways to overcome your anxiety and frustration, and have mind-blowing orgasms!
Firstly, “self-love,” as you call it, is extremely, extremely important. Not only will masturbation help you to discover what makes you tick, it’s also an important part of getting to know your body and feel comfortable in it. People underestimate how important it is to feel comfortable with and accept your body for the way it is, before jumping into sexual acts with a partner. No one can make you feel as beautiful as you are; you have to believe it yourself.
Masturbating also includes a slew of health benefits vital to your personal wellbeing. It can help prevent cervical infections, boost self-esteem, and is one of the safest forms of safe sex. Although it might not be that sexy to think about cervical infections leading up to the main event, it is important to understand how masturbating is not wrong and is nothing to be ashamed of; in fact, it’s good for your health!
You’ve also mentioned the feeling of needing to pee as you’re coming to a climax. For many people, this is perfectly natural. Not everyone’s bodies are built the same, so we experience orgasms differently too. I too feel like I need to pee when I’m about to climax and ejaculate or “squirt” upon completion.
This is another thing to be aware of. There is nothing wrong or embarrassing with ejaculating on or around your partner or yourself. Many people think of it as “pee” and feel embarrassed by it, but it is a natural part of some people’s orgasms. You may not do it all the time, but there’s nothing wrong with you if it does happen.
It is important for you and your partner to be accepting of one another during sexual play. Sometimes you might orgasm, sometimes you might not, but what’s important is that both of you are consenting and ready to enjoy your intimacy together.
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