Love Life Stories

My patience with my flaky friends has officially run out, so here’s a message

My dearest, flakiest friend,

I’m getting kind of sick of you. Or rather, I’m getting sick of your shit.

I get it. I really, honestly do. Life is hectic, and between work or school, familial obligations, errands, and much needed Netflix binges, it’s hard to find time to socialize. But it’s not impossible. Our other friends manage to show up, despite having full-time jobs or graduate school classes or even freaking residencies.

Plus, I see you on Snapchat. You’re not that busy.

It’s not that I’m jealous of the people you don’t seem to flake on. (Okay, maybe a little.) But I’m upset because of the disrespect. It really is not just hurtful, but also disrespectful, when you get my hopes up like that and waste my time. When we meet, you act like you actually care, like you enjoy my company too. But that’s just it—we hardly ever meet, because you’re so flaky.

I’m not saying you should never, under any circumstances, flake on our plans. Things pop up all the time, and sometimes you just need to take time for yourself. Self-care is important. But while I understand that life is hectic, I need you to understand that relationships require work—including friendships. You have to show up some time. We can’t really share our current woes, our recent triumphs, and other matters of the heart over Messenger or text. At least, not in the same way. If all we do is talk over social media, what’s differentiates you from any other acquaintance or sort-of friend? How can we seriously bond?

The actual physical presence and eye contact are so essential to truly connecting with others. And with you, I feel so disconnected.

So don’t be surprised when you stop getting texts to come hang out. You can’t expect us to keep waiting and keep trying, hoping you’ll eventually come through.

It’s not just the fact that you RSVP ‘yes’ and then flake last minute either. It’s so hard to even get that RSVP from you in the first place.

You’re not being as tactful as you think.

For the longest time, I didn’t understand this phenomenon. I didn’t understand why it was so hard for you to ever commit until I learned that people often give a ‘maybe’ because they’re waiting to see if something better will come along.

It’s a fear of missing out.

And that hurts. I didn’t understand it because I’ve never felt that way. I don’t have fear of missing out on anything when I’m with you, because what could I possibly be missing out on when I’m with friends?

Clearly, you don’t feel the same.

The one-sidedness of our friendship is draining. I have enough on my plate, enough cluttering up my mind without having to deal with your flakiness and wondering why we never seem to be good enough for you.

If you don’t want to be friends, please stop acting like you do. If you don’t think we’re worthy of your time, then please stop wasting ours. We deserve at least that much respect.

I do love you, my dear flaky friend.

It’s the only reason I haven’t given up already. I want nothing but the best for you. I hope that one day you can get over whatever hangups you have and realize the importance of taking the time to nurture your relationships.

Just don’t expect me to still be around when you do.

By Syjil Ashraf

Syjil Ashraf is a writer and never sure how else to describe herself. In addition to a degree in Journalism & Media Studies and Human Resource Management from Rutgers University, Syjil has an unfinished novel, an addiction to Cheddar Bay Biscuits, and a Norwegian Forest Cat named Professor McGonagall. With a train wreck of thoughts and a mouth that won’t stop running, Syjil’s articles, blog posts, poems, and fiction tend to address politics, social issues, Islam, desi culture, and things people don’t want to hear.