Love + Sex, Love

I thought my boyfriend would be my life. I was wrong.

You've probably heard people say that chivalry is dead. Newsflash: It should be.

It’s time to be honest with ourselves.

I like a knight in shining armor just as much as the next girl, but that doesn’t mean I need him to pick me up and carry me over every tiny rain puddle on the ground. A lot of you have probably heard that chivalry is dead – which, newsflash, it should be. Chivalry reigned during medieval times when women were considered helpless and incapable of doing anything except raising children and doing household chores.

This is the twenty-first century and no one should have to depend on the person they’re dating to do anything more than what you can do for yourself (or risk being extra).

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My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship, so we spend a lot of time apart. A lot of people were convinced we wouldn’t survive being separated because we hadn’t been in the relationship long, so obviously our honeymoon phase hadn’t ended yet. This was still a new feeling to me though. When I had been single, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship. I liked spending time with myself because having to spend all my time with someone else seemed suffocating. 

Now that I’ve found someone I want to spend my time with, my attitude has changed a bit. I miss my boyfriend when I don’t see him. This past school year was the hardest so far because I constantly felt homesick knowing what was waiting for me when I’d go home.

When classes became stressful or I saw other couples holding hands, I would think about my boyfriend. When you like someone that much, it’s understandable that you want to spend your time together. And I, particularly, love attention, to the point where it’s hard not to become needy. 

Even so, I don’t feel lost without him by my side all the time.

My boyfriend is not there to complete me, nor is he the only person in the world that can make me happy (that’s way too much pressure). I had my own life before and my long distance relationship forces me to maintain my own life, separate from my boyfriend’s. Long distance has also allowed me to focus on what matters to me and my goals for the future. And my goals have never been dependent on my boyfriend to help me accomplish them. I think it’s important that you always know yourself, before getting to know someone else.

I’ve been able to survive long distance, because I have a partner that I know will support me, no matter what. But just because he can support me, doesn’t make him my solitary support system. I shouldn’t have to depend on my boyfriend to be there every day for me to be happy. I can tell him when I’m sad or lonely over a Skype call, but I can’t expect him to show up at my door and be there to comfort me. All he can do is empathize with me; that’s how it works with long distance. 

You have to be able to support yourself.

My boyfriend is a big part of my world, but he is not all of it. 

The most important thing I try to never forget is that I still exist in a relationship that is built for two. Intentionally making your world a smaller place for the person you are dating is not giving anything to that person, it is only taking away from yourself. Don’t forget that if the relationship somehow ends up not working out, you’ll only have yourself to depend on. I’ve discovered that wanting what only someone else can give you makes you insecure while needing it is what makes you dependent.

Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t be your own person.

I’m not in a relationship because I need my boyfriend; rather, I want to be with him. Long distance reminds me that sometimes there needs to be distance because it allows each person to grow on their own.

It’s not up to the other person to make you be happy when you should be happy just being yourself.