Being in your 20’s is an awkward time for most people. It seems like everyone around you is building stable careers or settling down into family life. Overall people just seem to know what they’re doing with their lives.
And then here I am; still finding my path in the big, bad world.
Growing up I never really knew what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. I just knew that I wanted to do something. I just didn’t understand how people could have their entire life planned out with such surety. The concept was alien to me as I pretty much floated through life. Making serious decisions was difficult for someone as indecisive as me. I picked my major on a whim, changing from Ancient History to Law last minute. I thought Law might provide me with a better path in life.
So, I delayed any hard decisions for a few years while I studied and eventually ended up with a law degree. I enjoyed my courses, but the more I studied, the more obvious it became to me that I was ill-suited for a career in law. It was too rigid and structured for someone as laid back as me. I decided that I wasn’t passionate enough about law to dedicate my life to it.
But once I graduated, I felt the pressure to get a full-time job and transition into the adult world. I applied to various jobs, unsure if I really wanted any of them. After many rejections, I ended up with an admin role at a charity. On paper, it sounded like a great job. I was grateful for the job, and I told myself that it was perfect because I so wanted to be someone who knew what they were doing.
I almost convinced myself that I was doing what I wanted.
But I wasn’t.
I ended up quitting, and now at 24, I am trying to figure out my path, what it is that I want to do. There’s so much pressure on us when we’re younger to do well in school and pick the right courses to ensure a good future. But we grow and change so much during these years.
I’m not the same person I was when I went to college or picked my major, so how can I be expected to have the same aspirations? How am I supposed to know what is meant for me unless I’ve tried it? Is it naive to believe that a job exists that I will actually enjoy?
I’ve spent so long trying and pretending to be a fully functioning adult. But what does it even mean to be one?
I don’t have all of the answers. The most important thing I’ve learned is that it’s OK to not know where you’re going. It’s OK to be a little lost. It is definitely more fun this way. I’m able to try new things and explore new areas of the working world. I may not like everything I try. I might be terrible at some things. But at least it is one more thing I can check off the list. Overall I am enjoying the endless possibilities that exist.
I’ve spent so long trying to get to where I think I should be in life, forgetting that I’m the one who decides where I end up.