Culture, Gender & Identity, Humor, Life

Here’s how you can spot – and avoid – a kameena

If he has to tell you he's a nice guy, he probably isn't. He's probably a kameena.

PSA: You need to know how to spot a kameena before he gets too close.

What is a kameena? Basically, he’s a “rascal,” and in this particular context, he is a brown f-boy.

I can’t tell you the definition of kameena that exists in the Platonic Sphere because they come in varieties. I can tell you that kameenas sneak up on you. Don’t worry though, we are here to point out the signs and symptoms of the kameena for your safety and security.

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Not every male is a kameena, and some may simply have light symptoms of a kameena every now and then. You just want to be prepared to deal with these.

Red Alert Phrases

1. “I’m just a nice guy.”

That’s cool. Did you want a medal for being a decent human? Beware of the alternative, “I have a past (but I’m a good guy now).”

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2. “I’m so glad you’re not like other girls.” (If you’re a tomboy, look out for this one!)

Cover your ears and close your eyes before he says, “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

3. “You’re so much smarter than I am.”

It sounds like a compliment, but if he’s a kameena, he will proceed to patronize you. Mentally prepare for the mansplanations that these geeks will offer you because they clearly know more about your brain than you do.

4. “Sorry, I just don’t get emotionally attached so quickly.”

Even though he’s probably in his late twenties and initiated talking to you because he was looking to settle down – or so he said. Or is this grown man out here bread-crumbing?

5. – Insert Rumi quote here –

He’s getting a pair of fancy non-prescription reading glasses for his birthday now.

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6. “I just don’t like brown girls, I prefer -“

We all know that this is a translation for, “I’m not ready for a brown girl yet, I have to ruin other girls’ lives first, and then see if I can get serious with a brown girl to waste her time.”

[bctt tweet=”You can try to deny the magic of brown girls for as long as you want.” username=”wearethetempest”]

You can try to deny the magic of brown girls for as long as you want. Deep down you’ll always (literally) turn your head towards us.

7. “Don’t be so uptight.”

Then don’t creep or violate my physical boundaries. It’s that simple.

Visual Red Alerts:

1. Scruff

Run. I know its hard to turn away from a nice beard, but if you want to survive, you must be on the defense. Don’t get trapped in his beard. You don’t want to know what’s hiding behind it.

2. Polos

He doesn’t always wear polos. He may look like his mother dressed him, but she didn’t (this time). There is a passive-aggressive entitlement to your attention hidden under that collar.


3. Wristwatch and chains

Does he have more jewelry than DJ Khalid? Is the pendant on his chain bigger than his brain?

Look out for the ones wearing watches on their knobby wrists, acting like they don’t have a phone to check the time on. If it’s a digital watch, I urge you to please be careful. You’re dealing with a species that believes itself to be advanced.

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4. That haircut

You know the one I’m talking about. The one every Desi boy thinks is the best thing ever, with the sides totally faded, the top grown out way too much and then combed over.

If you’re dealing with a problem that fits too many of the symptoms listed, just exhale. It might be fine. We are here to help you.

So you have a kameena, now what?

There is no perfect answer, but you can try the following steps:

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Politely answering him, even with obvious disinterest, or being mean to him will not work.

2. Call him out on his crap.

He will defend himself, make himself a victim, try to induce sympathy, change the subject, etc. Be ready to stand your ground.

3. Take screenshots of his attempts at textual seduction.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. Let’s just call it insurance.

4. If you’re in too deep, ghost.

Or throw yourself at him (he will run even faster).

It’s tempting to try to appeal to his sense of reason and chivalry, but don’t expect too much with this approach. Kameenas are aware that there are social constructs that work against females (especially in Desi culture) but they don’t understand them, and they probably never will. They just know that getting you in trouble is a risk they are willing to take.


The kameena has no particular habitat and can be lurking anywhere, so be cautious, ladies.

We hope that this guide will be useful to you so that you do not suffer more than you need to at the hands of a careless kameena.

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As for any male offended by this – we’re (not) sorry if the shoe fits, so don’t slip on your way out!