Dear Madame Lestrange,
There’s a girl I know from school who likes me. We are friends – we hang out a lot and I really enjoy spending time with her. One night, we were up late watching the meteor shower and, somehow, we ended up kissing. Just a quick peck.
And honestly… it felt amazing, but I got freaked out. I like men, I always have. But there’s something about this girl and I want to kiss her again. Is this a phase? Should I ignore it? What’s happening?
Signed,
Confused
______________
Dear Confused,
Wait – why would you ignore a crush! Because that is exactly what you have. Are you worried that having a crush on a girl means you’re a lesbian or bisexual? Why is that a worry? What’s wrong with that?
If this friend were a guy, would you have any hesitation kissing and pursuing something romantic with him? If the answer is no — then you need to reflect on why this is an issue for you. I mean, you can like men and also like women. You can be sexually attracted to anyone (or no one) and you’re still normal. Don’t question your heart just because of the homophobic expectations our society sets on us. It isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to any of us.
[bctt tweet=”Wait – why would you ignore a crush! Because that is exactly what you have.” username=”wearethetempest”]
Try to figure out what exactly is holding you back. Are you afraid of what your friends might think? Your family? Yourself? Do you plan on living your entire life in a way that everyone around you approves of? That doesn’t seem much like a life worth living because it isn’t living for yourself. If your friends stop liking you because you’re into girls, they’re not very good friends. And they don’t like who you are.
Family, as always, is a different ballgame. But if they’re not willing to support a natural, healthy relationship in your life … that’s on them.
[bctt tweet=”If this friend were a guy, would you have any hesitation kissing him?” username=”wearethetempest”]
If the kiss felt amazing, you enjoy being with her, and you want to do it again — girl, do it. Don’t be afraid of what you’re feeling. Embrace it, because whatever you’re feeling is normal, respected, and clearly returned. Sexuality is beautiful and fluid, it’s ever-changing for all of us. You might only crush on this one girl, you might crush on plenty… who knows? And, frankly, who cares? Who you’re attracted to throughout your life doesn’t have to depend on gender or sex.
[bctt tweet=”Sexuality is beautiful and fluid, it’s ever-changing for all of us.” username=”wearethetempest”]
Plus, if you already know she likes you, your chances are great! You haven’t tried and been rejected yet, which what you’re afraid of only exists in your own head. And fear has never been a good reason to hold yourself back. And don’t worry about it so much… if you free your mind of the worries surrounding this situation, your heart will lead you to where you want to be. Trust it.
[bctt tweet=”Your heart will lead you to where you want to be.” username=”wearethetempest”]
Judging by how hard you’re crushing, this could turn into a really amazing relationship. Or maybe it won’t! Just like any time you pursue someone romantically. But doing something you don’t necessarily associate with your identity for whatever reason can have its own benefits. Let yourself become your true self and embrace who you are and what you feel. You’ll love yourself more for it. And remember, there is nothing wrong with having feelings for or being sexually attracted to another girl.
You’re welcome,
Madame Lestrange
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