Movies, Pop Culture

5 reasons why “Titanic” is the worst movie ever made

Who the hell are you freezing your butt in the ice for, man?

Titanic is praised as the epitome of romance, love, and, let’s not forget, the best movie ever.

No.

Stop right there.

Titanic has got to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It’s ridiculous, and I cannot comprehend why everyone has romanticized it, giving it the elite status of all-time favorites. When it ended, I felt like I’d wasted my time just to hear Celine Dion’s amazing voice at the end.

Maybe that was the whole purpose of that movie, I don’t know. I don’t see why the movie had to be made in the first place.

But because it was made, let me elaborate on why I regret wasting 120 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

1. Rose is either a ridiculous hallucinator or incredibly out of it.

 How Rose probably thought Jack would be saved. Source
How Rose thought Jack would be saved. Source

I’m guessing it’s the latter. They’re in freezing water because their ship hit an iceberg. An ICEBERG.

And she still takes over that whole piece of raft, takes Jack’s jacket, leaves him in that freezing cold water, and expects him to live?

I’m sorry, I didn’t know Jack had superpowers and could heat himself. Maybe he’s the fifth member of the Fantastic Four. Maybe they were supposed to be Fantastic Five? Maybe he was supposed to be part of the Avengers? I don’t know.

Now aren’t these the real questions we should be asking?

I just don’t understand Rose.

Why would she call out Jack’s name expecting him to be alive? Did the cold freeze her brain cells too? Because that is the only logical explanation I can come up with.

2. Rose is so unbelievably selfish.

Ugh, I could go on about this forever. There was a lot of space on that massive plank she so comfortably sabotaged. She and Jack could have easily compromised and just shared that space.

Yes, it would be uncomfortable, but it would have led to two people surviving, not just the one.

Isn’t love about compromise and understanding? Since when was it about dramatic inanity?

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I remember seeing those images where two people tried to fit themselves in that same sized plank/door/thing.

So, two folks were able to fit on it, and that proves Rose didn’t want to give Jack any space. It totally proves that she clearly wanted all that space to herself.

Shaking. My. Damn. Head.

3. Jack is just as ridiculous, let’s be honest.

Why does this guy not have any regard for his life?

Love shouldn’t be about dying, it should be about surviving. Who the hell are you freezing your butt in ice for, man? Rose is going to live, grow older, get married, have kids, grow old, and then die.

Wouldn’t you rather she did all that with you, rather than without you?

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Let’s be real. He could have used his brain, especially since Rose was brain-dead during that last scene, and just said: “Scoot aside, you’re taking too much room.”

That’s all it would take, literally. There was no need to give everything he had to her, only to freeze to death.

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Nothing romantic about that. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Ugh.

People need to stop romanticizing Romeo & Juliet, the tale of awful teenage drama, wrong timings, assumptions, and an epically ridiculous death. Don’t base your own story around some updated version.

Death is not cute, and dying for someone else isn’t, either.

4. Their ship is sinking. THEIR SHIP IS SINKING.

I do not ship them and they are nowhere even close to my OTP.

In the movie, the ship is literally sinking. Rose is handcuffed in a room that will most probably end up sinking, drowning her along with the ship.

So what does Jack suggest they do? Kiss.

Granted, they also try to escape, but what was with the kiss at that critical moment.

Aren’t you scared to death of imminent drowning?

How can you not be freaking out of your damn minds? I’m sorry, Rose and Jack, your romance is very ill-timed and I’m certainly not impressed.

I love Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio. But gosh, I cannot with the characters they chose to play.

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Stop kissing and go save yourself. The kissing and all that can wait.

5. Paint me like one of your French girls.

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Clearly, they both took this to heart.

Nude paintings are not the way to a woman’s heart. Unless it’s Rose, I mean.

*Cough* bad first date idea *cough.*

You’ve got to do better than that. I know Jack isn’t exactly the King of England, but out of everything on the ship, this is how he wins her over?

At this point, they’re not just mind-dead, they’re also pretty sex-deprived.

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They need to get a room already they already have a room.

Ah, classic romance. What a classic gem of garbage.