Fashion, Lookbook

According to some guys, only cheaters wear chokers

She wore her perceived mark of infidelity, so blatant and proud.

He didn’t like what he saw. He didn’t like it one bit. It was spring break, and my friend and I set off to Greece. During our vacation, I sent her boyfriend a couple of Snapchats of us out on the town.

What he saw both angered and excited him: a black velvet piece of cloth fixed tightly around his girlfriend’s neck.

Not a noose, but a choker.

She wore her perceived mark of infidelity, so blatant and proud, it drove him mad.

For anyone who’s confused right now, “it turns out, by wearing a choker, you’re sending guys a secret signal that you need to bang right now.” Thanks for clearing that up, Becky.

The ridiculous logic behind wearing chokers is as follows:

1. Girl wears choker

2. Boy sees something around Girl’s neck.

3. Boy imagines choking girl.

4. Boy is subsequently aroused.

5. Girl is a slut.

Therefore if a girl wears a choker, the girl is a slut.

This, however, seems like it’s the boy’s problem, no?

[bctt tweet=”By wearing a choker, you’re sending guys a secret signal that you need to bang rn.” username=”wearethetempest”]

There’s actually a psychological term for this kind of contorted thinking, called projection. Put simply, when a person(s) makes you realize something undesirable about yourself, you deal with the internal shame it causes you by projecting the negative trait back onto the other person. This splitting of the self is performed at an unconscious level, meaning that the person is often unaware that this is something they are doing. Social media makes slut-shaming simple.

[bctt tweet=”Social media makes slut-shaming simple. ” username=”wearethetempest”]

For most of us 90s children, chokers bring us back to our youth. In particular, the classic black ones with criss-crossing wires. Here’s a photo of yours truly on the far left, six and at soccer practice, sporting the piece in question while repping a “TOTS” t-shirt.

Sexy, right?


It’s 2016 but when it comes to fashion, it’s really just a 90s makeover.

Jean skirts, high-waisted pants, Adidas slip-ons: they’re all been resurrected for the modern femme with twists on the classic.

The return of the choker, however, has been met with a vengeance.

How did this seemingly innocuous throwback look evolve from a popular children’s look into a promiscuous piece?

[bctt tweet=”If a girl wears a choker, somehow the girl is a slut.” username=”wearethetempest”]

The choker is one of many style choices that imply sexuality under faulty logic. Black pumps, red lips, darkly lined eyes, crop-tops, anything leather, anything lace, resembling a corset, showing cleavage or legs, and the button-ups…the list goes on and on.

When it comes to sex and style, women just can’t win. Between the double standards, grey areas, and hogwash published online when it comes to women’s ‘looks,’ an invisibility cloak seems like the only answer.  As Leora Tanenbaum explains, “If you are a heterosexual girl or young woman, you are damned if you don’t and damned if you do. If you refrain from any expression of sexiness, you may be written off as irrelevant and unfeminine. But if you follow the guidelines, you run the risk of being judged, shamed and policed.”

The logic of attributing characteristics to objects-such as clothing or jewelry- fails by virtue of itself and allows silly sexist notions to prevail.

It’s a fashion statement, not a come-on.