Love + Sex, Love

Society teaches us that relationships should end if this doesn’t happen – but why?

After hearing guys say that they could only last three months without a girl ever "giving up some," you start to wonder who gave them that idea.

I can’t be the only one who is slightly bothered by TV shows or friends having conversations about how sex could either make or break a relationship.

The one example that pissed me off the most was watching the movie Think Like a Man, inspired by Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, about the so-called correct way to approach sex. It wasn’t fair of Harvey to say “men like a woman with standards, get some,” but I also don’t find it fair that Harvey believes that people can wait ninety days before engaging in sex with someone. I just kept thinking “Or, they could just not have sex at all.”

What, was that bad of me to say?

[bctt tweet=”‘Or, they could just not have sex at all.’ What, was that bad of me to say?” username=”wearethetempest”]

Steve Harvey supposedly identifies as Christian. Was he pressured into giving advice like that, or does he also believe in the myth of sex being the foundation for a healthy romantic relationship?

For context, I am not a sexually active person. In fact, I have never been a sexually active person. Yes, my faith does play a significant role in that, but not entirely. Nevertheless, I still believe I can offer something to the conversation about this topic.

From what I understand about sex, it’s when one could possibly be at their most vulnerable with someone in that intimate physical state. I can get some of its importance in regards to intimacy, but why is it the most important in our society? If two people have great communication and support one another emotionally, why should sex be something to engage right away, and why is it that if it’s “not good” (whatever that means) or if two people haven’t engaged in it yet, it is protocol to end that relationship?

[bctt tweet=”Why is it that if it’s ‘not good,’ it’s time to end that relationship?” username=”wearethetempest”]

I don’t like that people have to feel this pressure to engage in sexual activity. If you are a woman, there’s this double-edged sword of that pressure. I know some may disagree with me, and I don’t mind to hear about why you do, but the prude/whore binary is still an unfair trope placed upon us.

After hearing guys say that they can only last three months without a girl ever “giving him some,” you start to wonder who decided to give them that idea in the first place. You also start to question what’s wrong with the personal choices you’ve made for yourself.

[bctt tweet=”Moreover, where is the space for people who identify as asexual?” username=”wearethetempest”]

Moreover, where is the space for people who identify as asexual? Why are they viewed as awkward individuals who don’t stand a chance in the dating world? Why give them so much stigma because of statements like “Oh, I could never date someone if they were asexual,” or “What a sad life it must be to not have sex.”

No. I’m pretty sure they’re fine. I don’t identify as asexual, but I can tell you, even though I don’t have to tell you, they’re just as healthy as everyone else.

We are surrounded by magazines, films, and other forms of media in our society about what’s desirable and what’s not.

As the saying goes, “sex sells.”

I still haven’t seen a lot of films where sex isn’t the centerpiece of the plot, or the couple waits until marriage to have sex. I saw an episode of Glee where the character Mercedes was able to have a constructive conversation with her boyfriend Sam and her friend Rachel about why she believes it’s best for her to wait, but that’s about it. Also, that show centers around people only within my age range.

[bctt tweet=”I still haven’t seen a lot of films where sex isn’t the centerpiece of the plot.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Seeing the same themes over and over again on the subject gets pretty annoying after awhile. Sex has been this taboo subject all this time, yet it has been excessively praised to the point of affecting our personal lives.

It doesn’t have to.