Many of us, particularly women, apologize way too damn much. Whether it’s out of politeness, whether it’s over something trite, whether we didn’t do anything wrong, or whether it’s during a moment where we feel our existence is responsible for causing wrong when it’s not.
Guys, we need to stop apologizing for our existence.
But what’s the science behind our way of saying “I’m sorry” these days?
One study has shown that people who have lower self-esteem have a tendency to apologize less, whether it’s because of shame towards themselves, or an egotistical view of themselves. The study has also mentioned that people are more willing to apologize because these people have the ability to confess their wrongdoing and address it.
So is it a case of high self-esteem for us? A case of compassion? What is our definition of “wrongdoing?”
Another study shows that women are more likely to apologize than men because men have a more set stance on what is considered offensive, unlike women. Not because men are heartless and don’t feel as if they need to apologize, but because women feel more sensitized to trying to maintain harmony in every relationship they are in. It’s not a bad thing to care about the relationships we are in, but it is a bad thing to apologize for what isn’t wrong because our surroundings tell us we’re wrong.
Moreover, the negative of apologizing so much is giving someone power to you, when they have no right to obtain that power. Now, this is not to say that you aren’t allowed to apologize when you actually do something wrong, but this is to say that this form of self-respect does give you more power, which wouldn’t hurt to have.
Of course, someone expressing their forgiveness to us can cause both parties less tension in their bodies and increased self-esteem, but what is there to forgive if we did absolutely NOTHING wrong? This is something we all need to work on. Yes, I say we, because I am holding myself accountable as well. My anxiety only goes up instead of down, and my body and well-being do not deserve this form of punishment.
I refuse to keep apologizing for the trivial. I refuse to keep apologizing for trying.
I refuse to keep apologizing for existing.
To those reading, please do the same.