You wouldn’t typically stumble across an article written by a teenager talking about how much marriage, regardless of the downsides, fascinates her on a whole other level.
I’m eager to get married, and I can’t exactly tell you why. I definitely don’t want to get married anytime soon (maybe like 7 more years), but that doesn’t mean I can’t be super excited about the concept of marriage.
Growing up in a large yet tight- knit Desi community, it isn’t uncommon to attend a wedding function almost every other weekend. It’s exhilarating, especially because Desi weddings in general are loud, colorful, and downright beautiful in so many ways. My favorite part about weddings is that there are so many different functions. It’s basically a never – ending weekend with up to 4-5 events per wedding.
My fascination with Desi weddings in particular began when I was younger. It seemed like one big fairytale to me, and unlike Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, this would one day be my reality. The bride was a princess, all eyes on her as she got all glammed up for her events. The way it was portrayed to me when I was younger was how I always viewed weddings.
In my eyes, everything was about a beautiful happy ending, even though that isn’t always the case.
As I grew older, I began to appreciate the traditions and customs of Pakistani/ Punjabi weddings more and more. Each custom was different and held a specific meaning. Even the silly ones, such as when the bride’s side steals the grooms shoe until he pays up.
My first weddings in Pakistan were like a true dream come true. If you’ve been to a wedding in a South Asian country, you’d know exactly what I’m talking about. You can go to the most extravagant wedding here in the states but it wouldn’t come close to a wedding in any South Asian country.
They’re so much more glamorous and there’s something about the vibe in the air that just completes everything. And don’t even get me started on authentic wedding outfits. I mean is it even a true Desi wedding if you didn’t get your clothes sent to you straight from your Khalas across the world?
My parents have subtly brought up marriage with me several times already. I know they’re joking around with me, but I also know that as I get older, the comments will become more frequent and more serious.
I specifically remember one time when my parents were talking about marriage and my mom turned to me and goes, “Don’t worry, I trust that you’ll find someone for yourself.”
I remember how weird it felt hearing those words, as if I’d ever let me parents reel me into an arranged marriage.
Especially for someone so obsessed with love stories with fairytale endings, I don’t think an arranged marriage would work for me.
It’s interesting to me especially because I feel like as a South Asian woman, marriage is thrown upon us, and many of us hate it. It’s like wherever you go, an Aunty decides to make a comment about your age and how you need to get married soon. Or even worse, they try to set you up with their son.
It’s as if we have no other purpose except to build a family straight after college. But personally I want to get married for basically every other reason besides that.
There are definitely aspects of marriage in my culture that have lead me into being terrified of it. There are so many limits as to what we can and cannot do, and exactly how a marriage is supposed to fall into place.
Another part of the reason I’m so in love with the concept of marriage is because the idea of love feels so forbidden to me. No boyfriends allowed, no dating, no sex, no love, EVER. I feel like when I get married, I will finally get to experience all of that in a perfectly non-haram way.
I don’t want to get married to be dependent on a man. I don’t want to get married to have kids and just be a mom for the rest of my life. I want to get married to share my life and my experiences with someone.
From the time I had a brief secret relationship, there’s nothing I loved more than being able to share my world with another person, and having them love me for who I really was. I’m probably the most independent, hard-working person you’ll ever meet, and I plan to stay that way regardless of marriage.
I know married life isn’t perfect, and that with the merging of two families will come its fair share of drama, but the chance to experience marriage one day is something I will continuously look forward to.