Love + Sex, Love

Just because my relationship’s Facebook-official doesn’t mean I’m planning my wedding

Friends and family were already telling me how to plan out my wedding. What?

If you are like me in your mid 20’s, you are likely facing the inevitable pressure that you get in a relationship or even a long-term relationship.

You know which “one,” I’m referring to, and no, it’s not that coveted bottle of wine calling your name. “The one,” referring to that significant other you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Whether that’s living together, a partnership, or marriage the concept of spending your entire life with one human being can be labeled whatever you may call it.

[bctt tweet=”You know which ‘one,’ I’m referring to, and no, it’s not that coveted bottle of wine.” username=”wearethetempest”]

I recently got out of a long relationship.

Before, when we went social media public, I was peppered with more questions regarding this big, wide future that seemed so far away from the few months we’d just been dating.  The moment I decided to stick my toe back into the relationship pool, the sharks, piranhas, and guppies of friends and family were already placing weight on marriage.

My answer was always the same: I kinda just want to get my master’s degree first, that’s actually my first priority, not planning my fictional wedding with a man I just started dating.

[bctt tweet=” It often felt more like a challenge then a question.” username=”wearethetempest”]

So then comes the inevitable debate that I would find myself in. So many people want to know: If I wasn’t in a relationship to get married, then why be in one at all? It often feels more like a challenge then a question. If I’m being honest, it often feels like I’m going to need some epic lawyer rebuttal to convince said person why I can be in a relationship and not be burdened by wondering if he’s “the one.”

When I was in my teens, this question was more of a casual joke than anything a person actually expected a real, genuine response from. At the age of 25 it’s asked with as much seriousness as committing myself to student debt and graduate school.

Is it worth it? Are you wasting your time? Is the payoff going to be worth your investment?

[bctt tweet=” So why do all the work with someone I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with?” username=”wearethetempest”]


A relationship is an investment.

I have always believed that, and the older I get, I know it requires the type of dedication, commitment, and patience that building my career takes. So why do all the work with someone I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with? Frankly, my goals at this point in my life are not to get married, have children, or have a family. They’re just not. I make that very clear to guys I want to date or be in a relationship with. If you’re trying to settle down and build your version of the American dream, then I’m probably not the one for you.

Nor do I think you are the one for me with regards to what I want from a partner at this point in my life. And that’s okay.

[bctt tweet=”Could that turn into someone being the Dwayne to my Gabrielle Union?” username=”wearethetempest”]

I’m okay with enjoying my twenties for the beautiful mess it’s going to be, and deal with the trial and error of relationships that go along with it. Not wanting the whole grand vision of marriage and children right now doesn’t mean I can’t be in a healthy, supportive, and fruitful partnership with someone.

If anything, going into a relationship with someone without the pressure of forever on my shoulders allows us both the freedom to enjoy the time together for whatever it is and will be. Could that turn into someone being the Dwayne to my Gabrielle Union?

Sure, because I haven’t had to forgo the whole idea that forever could be in the cards – they just aren’t in the cards right now.

[bctt tweet=”Sure, and I’m not jaded or bitter enough to forgo the whole idea.” username=”wearethetempest”]

My focus is in building my career and education, and I don’t have to justify to anyone why I’m not pulling out my theoretical wedding planning books. I can be free to enjoy and explore my options, whether that’s a relationship or whatever I want it to be.

I refuse to let the pressure of “the one” prevent me from living the life I choose.