Dear Madame Lestrange,
I’ve tried apps, sites, getting set up by friends -– seriously, everything. It’s like I’m just not interested in the guys I talk to and meet, or only weird dudes like me, or the guys I am interested in ghost me or aren’t just interested. What am I doing wrong? I feel like giving up.
I think I can safely say almost all of us have felt like this at some point…and lots of us are feeling this way right now! You’re not alone.
You know, I’m not necessarily sure you’re doing anything wrong. I mean, you might be. But I think that so many people feel this way means there’s a disconnect in the dating world or…I don’t know, something. Something that isn’t you. I’m going to give some suggestions for you to try from my experiences as well as those of my friends.
My main advice: Just get off all sites, apps, and attempts at dating.
[bctt tweet=”Just get off all sites, apps, and attempts at dating.” username=”wearethetempest”]
Distance yourself from trying to find someone to be with. If you’re not constantly focused on the sites and the attempts, it won’t be at the forefront of your mind. Focus on yourself. Let yourself be lonely. It’s a scary feeling – it’s a feeling not many people enjoy. But feel it and, frankly, embrace it. Love who you are when you’re with yourself and be happy in your singledom. Vent to your single friends about being single, but then praise with your single friends about being single. Do shit you like, eat what you want, take up all the room on your bed, go visit friends all over the place. Focus on that. You know how people always say that the annoying phrase, ‘things happen when you least expect them’? Test that shit out so you’re armed with anecdotal evidence next time.
Alternatively, just keep trying. Maybe the people you’ve met so far just suck and aren’t ~the one~. Maybe you’re on the wrong apps. Some apps are low key for hooking up only and then people who are actually looking for dating end up lost. Spice your dating profile up a little bit (shameless plug for Clinton Kelly’s weird new TV show about making the best online dating profile!). Maybe you gotta initiate a little more, or fall back a bit. But also…
[bctt tweet=”For y’all searching for men, remember: Guys are the fucking worst sometimes.” username=”wearethetempest”]
For y’all searching for men, something to remember: Guys are the fucking worst sometimes, especially online and in the dating world. There are so many shitty ones to get through until you find some that are bearable and normal and not sexist or weird. The online dating world has, like, unleashed some men’s inner sexist and some guys are totally just ~on the prowl~. Not that this isn’t also the case IRL, but it seems like online sites are a whole different ball game. It’s tough to get through.
Weird advice: have you ever tried going through your parents? They might surprise you. Seriously. If you’re really committed to finding someone right now, talk to them about it. See what they say, who they suggest, etc.
Don’t lose hope altogether. Don’t take it so personally when guys ghost you or seem disinterested. And don’t worry so much. It’ll work out for you when it does. You’re an amazing woman and someone would be lucky to have you in their lives. Wait to find that person who knows it that you feel the same way about. Be patient and believe it’ll happen – because it will.
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