As Wedding Season prepares to descend upon us in all its manufactured glory, I gotta say: I have got some major problems with the wedding industry.
I think it’s really disgusting how so many of us have been hoodwinked into believing that we need this checklist of expensive items and activities to accompany the saying of vows.
It feels like it’s all bled out from there.
I’m so sad and so frustrated when I see partners (and their families) going through this incredibly stressful ordeal that takes months of planning and has to entail pre-events (bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsals) and post-events – or the wedding itself lasts for days.
No one should feel pressured into starting their lives together this way.
[bctt tweet=”I’m so sad when I see partners going through this stressful ordeal.” username=”wearethetempest”]
The idea of saying, “Hey, shit, I’m tying myself to YOU, cool?” is scary enough – why do we need to add these incredible obstacles on top of that?
The financial aspect alone is enough to render the whole endeavor well beyond anyone’s capacity to handle. But all that emotional intimacy in front of people.
Crowds of people.
Not just once, but over and over again? Just being on total display for probably (hopefully) one of the most emotionally vulnerable moments of your life?
No thanks, man. Not for me.
I’m not here to humble-brag about how cheap my wedding was (though, to be sure, it was not as expensive as what’s come to be the norm in our society). I’m here to say that if I could go back and do it again, I would NOT have done it that way – because it’s not what I wanted. At all. I’m pretty easy with opening up and talking about things – that doesn’t really bother me.
But I am able to talk about things in retrospect after I’ve had time to process them.
The real-time me is much shyer and introverted.
It was nearly traumatic for me to do that in front of people. Even people who knew and loved me very dearly. I couldn’t focus and I felt ill. I was terrified and miserable. Not because of the man (but, spoiler alert, it didn’t work out #ohfuckingwell) but because of the spectacle. I hate the spotlight. I don’t even like having my picture taken.
[bctt tweet=”I couldn’t focus and I felt ill. I was terrified and miserable.” username=”wearethetempest”]
But we did have an event, a small reception – ugh, I even wore a dress – and it wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t even necessarily what my partner wanted (to be honest, though, I think as long as there had been drinks he would’ve had a great time).
It’s just what we did because that’s what you DO. But you don’t have to.
I felt so much internal pressure fighting between the cultural expectation of having a wedding, of thinking how friends and family would feel if we hadn’t done that, and what I really wanted – to do it very quietly and low-key, to not be on the spot, to share a moment, that particular moment, with just that person.
If I ever get married again, I’m doing it the way my partner and I want to.
If it’s all up to me, and they’re cool with it, just a courthouse deal and a party later on. But I really can’t handle even the thought of going through that again, and like I said, mine wasn’t anywhere near what some people have to go through.
I know, I know, some people really do want that – they want that fairytale thing. Or for others, the event and tradition are important to them and they want to fulfill that rite of passage from a cultural perspective.
And if that’s really what they want, then that’s cool, I guess – just know that that’s not what it has to look like.
[bctt tweet=”If I ever get married again, I’m doing it the way I want to.” username=”wearethetempest”]
Shit, if you want to get married in the woods without shoes and like, I dunno a pair of board shorts and a Slayer shirt, DO THAT.
Do it the way you guys need it done. Sit and think really hard about how you want it to go down, and take away all the pressing feelings of cultural expectations and imagine how it would look if you didn’t feel like you needed to impress anyone or check those made-up boxes.
How’s it look? That’s how it should go.