Humor

Here’s what would happen if the elections treated white people like minorities

"I did say that 'some Europeans are good people,' I am not a racist. I love the whites."

In my university the other day, I overheard some white male students discussing the presidential election. I couldn’t help noticing how differently they spoke about politics than my friends and I do. I don’t think most white people realize how differently they experience the political system than the rest of America, so I’ll try to explain. Here’s what it would look like if white people were treated like minority groups are during the election cycle.

1. Republican politicians would make really, really, hateful comments about white people.

“When Europe sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing guns. They’re bringing germs. They’re bringing steel. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

2. But when they’re called out on it, they’ll argue that they didn’t even say anything wrong.

“I did say that ‘some Europeans are good people,’ I am not a racist. I love the whites.”

3. Then they’ll talk about all white “friends” they have.

“White people love me, I have plenty of white friends.”

4. Their hateful rhetoric will have real consequences.

There may be an increase in hate crimes against white people which could make you anxious for the election to be over.

5. There might be one or two white Republican candidates.

But they try so hard to distance themselves from being white that they will always support policies that are detrimental to their own people.

6. So, they are all pretty much awful.

Every single one.

7. So, white people might feel like their only choice is to support a Democratic candidate.

At least they’re not calling you rapists or talking about closing down your churches.

8. These candidates will feel entitled to the support of white people, just because they’re not complete racists.

“It’s either us or that bigot who hates you.”

9. If white voters don’t fully support everything they do, their non-white fans will call them ungrateful.

“Stop complaining, they’re fighting for you people! White people are never satisfied with anything.”

10. Democrats will be excessively praised (or criticized) just for showing common decency towards white people.

“Not all white people are bad.”

*standing ovation*

11. But they’ll also need to justify why white people should be treated with respect. The fact that they’re fellow human beings is apparently not a good enough reason.

“We should welcome White Americans. They are on the front-line of our defense against mass shootings.”

12. They also might be praised for saying something about your identity that doesn’t actually make much sense.

“The battle against mass shootings is a battle for the soul of white  masculinity.”

Um, okay?

13. Yet Democrats still seem like the best choice for white people.

The Republicans have set the bar really low. Like, really, really low.

14. So the choice between being idealistic or realistic becomes that much more serious.

A Republican president could be really dangerous for white people, so the stakes are higher to vote an electable Democrat in the primaries.

15. No matter who wins, one thing is for sure: white people will get really tired of hearing about the “White Vote.”

The constant pandering to white people. The candidates trying to convince you that they care about “white issues.” The ‘moderates’ who want to mistreat you enough to gain the votes of the anti-pc people, but not so much that the white vote becomes unattainable.

It’s the worst.