Love, Advice

How do I start things off during my first time, without freaking out or clamming up?

What's the best method of foreplay for someone who's literally never had sex before?

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Dear Madame Lestrange,

What’s the best method of foreplay for someone who’s literally never had sex before?

Signed,

Newly Sexy

 ______________

Dear New,

This is a tough question! Mostly because the “best” foreplay is going to depend on whatever works best for you and your partner. Foreplay is all about getting yourself ready for sex – it’s basically all the fun stuff before the fun stuff – but it’s WAY important. And different women prefer different methods. Maybe you respond best to fingering, or maybe it’s oral sex, both at the same time, breast squeezes – who knows! Well… soon, you shall.

  1. Start experimenting. Try just with yourself first. Masturbation is great for this because you are in control of everything you’re doing and can really play around with pressure, timing, whatever. Use fingers, dildos, vibrators – anything you want. Try it all! This will help you get an understanding of what your body responds best to you; what makes you most wet and ready; what you most like to experience as foreplay. Start with using your fingers and work your way up. Figure out what turns you on.
  2. Experiment with your partner. Maybe the foreplay you enjoy best involves oral sex, or making out and breast squeezing, or breast sucking and fingering. You’ll find out as you start experimenting with these different methods and learning what works for you. You might like some dirty talk, but you won’t know until you try! It’s important that both you and your partner are getting increasingly sexually excited as the foreplay continues. So try not to get all into your head about what’s going on or how you look or if you’re doing something right, because…
  3. Foreplay’s intimacy is obviously sexual, but there’s definitely some emotional aspect to it as well. You’re getting yourself ready mentally, physically, emotionally for sex! Have faith in yourself and your body, enjoy the touching and sensations and intimacy, and be confident in what’s happening. Confidence coupled with the right type of touching/kissing/sucking/et is MAGICAL. Don’t get too caught up in your head – trust what you’re doing.
  4. Remember not to just focus on the main areas – involve the whole body. Kiss and touch different parts of each other.
  5. Start off slow and work your way up. This may seem obvious but it is so hard when you’re in the moment to not just, like, immediately start having sex. Especially if you’re super attracted to the person. Even the act of undressing each other is sensual and foreplay, so don’t neglect the little things. It’s all part of the uphill climb! Plus, going slow ensures that your body is ready for sex by the time you get to it. Again: this part can be hard. I believe in you. But don’t over do it. You’ll know when to proceed to the next step. Not too soon, not too late.
  6. As the two of you continue to experiment with foreplay, you’ll want to try new things. Don’t stick to the same routine. Spice it up! Start foreplay outside the bedroom. Use toys. Whatever y’all discuss and imagine – try it out! Whenever that happens, check out my piece on spicing up your sex life. 

 

You’re welcome,

Madame Lestrange

 

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Madame Lestrange

Madame Lestrange

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