Love, Advice

Things are getting boring in bed, so how do we actually spice things up?

Sex getting boring in the bedroom is a real thing if you and your partner aren’t willing to try new moves/tricks.

Hi Madame Lestrange,

My husband and I have a greeeeeat sex life! But (especially since we’ve started trying for a baby and have ramped up how much sex we have). What should I do?

-No Boring Sex


Dear No Boring Sex,

Sex getting boring in the bedroom is a real thing if you and your partner aren’t willing to try new moves/tricks – so the fact that you’re asking and ready to try is already step number one. I assume he’s on the same page. If not, THAT is your next step!

  1. Talk to the husband (or any partner) about your worry that things are going to get boring/flat. Make sure they agree that it’s on both of you to find new things to do. It’s not just on you, even if you’re the one more interested in testing the new shit out. Sex is between both of you – so it’s important that both of you are trying things are you’re both interested in and looking forward to. So talk talk talk. If you’ve already done that…
  2. Discuss, at length, any sexual fantasies each of y’all has. Is there anything either of you have always wanted to try (within reason!)? Something that seems fun or risky or interesting? Sex in weird places. Sex with food involved (like chocolate or something, IDK!). Sex with toys (vibrators, cock rings, etc.). Even having sex while verbally talking about a fantasy: “imagine ______[insert whatever activity or fantastical shit here]____” à I’ve done this and it can be hella sexy if you’re both semi-interested in it!
  3. ROLE PLAY! I’m going to be honest, I’ve never done this. BUT. There has to be a reason it’s a thing. People are into taking on new identities (goes along with the fantasy thing a bit), being someone new, while having sex. Try it out. If you’re grossed/weirded out by power play because it’s totally a weird thing, reverse the roles or find roles that have no power dynamic.
  4. Striptease? Make them strip for you … you strip for them… both, whatever. Add some music, some rules (no touching). Play around with it. Dance to your favorite Beyonce song because how can that not be fucking amazing for everyone involved.
  5. New lingerie – even for outside the bedroom: get dressed up and send some pics at random times during the day to get them excited to see you and have sex.
  6. There’s a ton of sites dedicated to listing and describing different sex positions that you’ve never even heard of. Like Kama Sutra for Dummies. Check them out… just do a basic Google Search of, like, “sex positions”… Enjoy.
  7. I really recommend bringing vibrators and other sex toys into your routine. They’re so much fun and there are toys designed for each of you or both of you. Head to a store (or online) and find something that interests you!
  8. HAVE FUN! This process should be exciting – talking about what turns you on, what each of you wants to explore – and its such a great part of a healthy relationship.

You’re welcome,

Madame Lestrange


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